The Infamous Ghetto Indoor Pool

So I’m trying to be a good little blogger and update this puppy every day. I’ve got two hours left before it’s tomorrow and I don’t have the picture I need to do the update I want, so we’re going into the vault.

A couple years ago I put the biggest above ground pool I could find in my living room. The pictures were posted to a bunch of those link collecting sites and almost 7000 people saw the pictures the first day. Every year or so they are rediscovered and they get a ton of hits. However, I’ve never publicly told the story of the pool and why I did it. Avast!

One day my friend Crystal sends me an IM. Here’s a dramatic rendition of the event :

Crystal: OMG! Ty, check out www.penguinwarehouse.com

So I did.

Lo and behold, it’s a site that apparently sells pet penguins. I didn’t realize it before that moment, but I had always wanted a pet penguin. Probably everyone has. I just never thought it was possible. Penguin Warehouse assured me that it was in fact possible :

Q: Do I need to provide a habitat for my penguin?
A: Most certainly! Each penguin species requires unique habitat requirements and your home environment needs to be made suitable for a penguin before purchase of such a pet. Most penguins require a decent sized salt-water non-chlorinated pool set at an appropriate temperature. In fact, some penguin species spend as much as 75% of their life in water. If you are interested in learning more, please look into one of our many penguin care books.

Needless to say, I was sold. If only I had a decent sized non-chlorinated pool. I sent an e-mail to the proprietors at Penguin Warehouse asking all the questions I had, and telling them I was ready to order. They had a variety of breeds and ages available, and after a couple hours of research, I decided on a Snares Island penguin. I was going to name him Magellan.

I was really excited. So excited, in fact, that I told everyone I knew that I was getting a pet penguin. Knowing me, most people weren’t too surprised, and most were excited by the idea as well. My parents offered the opinion that buying a penguin was a reckless and irresponsible thing to do. This was a very frequently offered opinion, however, so it was discarded.

Later that week I found myself at Costco buying frozen fruit. While wandering the aisles I couldn’t help but notice the large swimming pool in display. They had it sitting on its edge, and it towered over the shoppers at a height of 15 feet. I immediately thought that it would be really cool if I had a pool that big at my house. The only problem is that my backyard is small and the robomower might cut the pool up. I considered putting it in the garage, but decided that I like parking there too much.

Then it hit me that I could just put it in my living room. I had just moved into my house and didn’t have a dining table. I could easily move the living room furniture in there and put the pool in the living room. I wasn’t sure it would even fit, but I figured it was worth a try. My friends Jake and Crystal cautioned me that it could easily be a disaster, but I could tell that they really wanted to see it happen. I called my father, who is a carpenter, to see what he thought. I believe his quote was something like this :

“I know I always tell you not to do your crazy ideas and you usually do anyway, but listen to me on this one. Don’t do it. You could crack your foundation or flood your house”

That was enough to sway me. I made a little flow chart for you guys to help understand how I make decisions. If you want your life to be more interesting, try following it yourself with your decisions :

Flowchart

Clearly, it had to be done. I picked up one of the huge boxes containing the inflatable pools and put it in my cart. I checked out and had to drive home at about 10mph because the pool only fit halfway in my trunk.

First we cleared all of the furniture out of the room and unpacked the pool.

1

Then we unrolled the ground tarp. I didn’t know if I actually needed this, since the manufacturers carelessly ignored the possibility of indoor installation. In the end I decided to use it, because you can never be too safe when installing a pool in your house.

2

To ensure that the pool would be environmentally friendly, Crystal simulated a retarded dolphin swimming in the dry pool. It was a great success.

3

The way the pool works is that the outer ring is inflated, and as the pool is filled with water the ring rises and causes the pool to form its shape. Whoever came up with this idea is a genius madman. I’m sure that outdoors it’s a walk in the park, but doing this inside was quite nervewracking. I can’t really describe the nervous feeling of standing in the middle of the living room with the hose at full blast.

4

Then we waited…

5

…and waited… The pool was 3100 gallons, which is a lot more water than it seemed. As the pool slowly grew we’d marvel every five minutes at how cool it was. I actually had to stop for the night and restart the next morning. I believe it took around 8 hours total to get the sucker filled.

6

Finally the pool was completely full. Eager to celebrate, we tested the water. That’s when it dawned on me that the pool was never going to get any warmer than 72 degrees – for some reason I just thought outdoor pool = cold and indoor pool = warm. Oops. I was somewhat comforted by the fact that Magellan would probably appreciate the cold water.

7

Jake insisted that we try it out anyway, so we did. It’s very bizarre to be floating comfortably along in the pool while staring at the ceiling fan.

8
9

What I didn’t count on was the paranoia that the pool caused. I would routinely wake up, convinced that I heard a noise, and I would run my hand along the entire perimeter of the pool. The pool was 15 feet in diameter and barely fit into the room, so this was a bit of a chore.

A couple days later I started getting suspicious because the Penguin Warehouse people hadn’t written me back yet. One of my friends took a closer look at the site and realized that it is obviously a fake. He told me, and despite a brief attempt to cling to my hopes, I had to relent. A second look at the web site made it very clear that it was just a hoax.

With cold water and no penguin to occupy it, I was ready to get rid of the pool. Siphoning the water out was surprisingly easy. I put one end of a hose in the water, and brought the other end to the back edge of my property. Without any work on my part, the water started flowing. It was as if immaculate sucking had occured.

A neighbor came by with the bad news that I must have a leak in my sprinkler system because water was pumping out of my backyard at an alarming pace. He was a bit freaked out when I invited him in and he saw the pool. He never came by again.

Unable to get the last drops of water out, I dragged the pool outside and put it on the deck, where it sat for a couple months.

I read about Costco’s incredible return policy – essentially anything can be returned for any reason. We loaded the whole moldy mess onto my friend’s pickup truck – there was no chance it was fitting in its box. And hauled it to costco. Using a large shopping cart to transport it, I dumped the pool and its accessories in front of the returns counter, causing a bit of a scene. Here’s how the conversation went down:

Tynan : I’d like to return this swimming pool.
Woman : Is there something wrong with it?
Tynan : No.
Woman : Then why do you want to return it?
Tynan : Well, I put it in my house because I was going to buy a penguin, but I kept worrying that it was going to leak on my carpet. It’s not as sturdy as the one you had on display (this is true – the one on display was double walled)

The woman definitely did not believe me and just stared blankly.

Woman : I.. umm. I don’t think we can take this return. I’m going to get a manager.

Manager: Sir, can you tell me why you’d like to return this pool?
Tynan : I was going to buy a penguin, but I was worried the pool was going to leak on my carpet. It doesn’t say anywhere not to use it inside, but I don’t think it’s sturdy enough.
Manager: Are you being serious?
Tynan: Yes.
Manager: Ok… I guess we’ll take it.

I provided my receipt and got my money back. Not getting the penguin was a very sad event for me. I had already named Magellan and was extremely excited. I had read tons of information about penguins and was really excited about taking care of him. Since “losing” him, I have visited two aquariums and spent as much time with the penguins as possible. For Christmas my awesome sister bought me a plastic penguin named Magellan.

236 comments

  1. This is the funniest story I’ve read in the whole of today (probably yesterday and the day before that too… I can’t be sure about before then).

    Ow, my sides hurt. πŸ˜‰

  2. Oh… my… god… that has got to be the awesomest thing I have ever heard. I can’t believe there wasn’t a disaster. I think I woudl have been with your friends:

    My friends Jake and Crystal cautioned me that it could easily be a disaster, but I could tell that they really wanted to see it happen.

    Fun – check.
    Insane – check.
    Paranoia-inducing – check.

    OK, it’s a go!

  3. I would not have believed it if pictures weren’t provided. That’s some crazy shit bro. As far as not getting the penguin, consider it a blessing in disguise. I don’t think they can be house trained. Appreciate the fact that your plastic penguin isn’t taking shits all over your pad. Imagine the smell. Not good. You lucked out.

  4. Dear Sir,

    You obviously are a smart man! I too am a fellow Penguin lover and had never thought of erecting a pool in the living room for these fine feathered friends. It is my hope that someday eveyone who wants a Penguin can have a Penguin. I have attempted to take my birds, or ‘lads’ as I call them, to waterparks, pizza restaurants and other places. The people are always quite happy to see the lads and sometimes offer them a little sip or two of their drinks. However the proprietors have a bias against the wonderful birds. In 2008 I plan to make another run at the presidency under my ‘Penguin Platform’. If Penguins were more widespread in our great country there would be many more jobs. Just think of the krill, herring and squid farms to feed the birds. And then there would be iceberg delivery services to keep them happy. Not to mention groomers to keep their feathers looking spiffy!

    A very good day to you!

    Gruntie

  5. Nice job. The only thing that I would be worried about it is a gallon of water weighs about 8 lbs. That would make that pool HEAVY and I would support the floor from underneath.

  6. Im sorry you didnt get your pet penguin. I bet that would have been cool. You could put him/her on a leash and waddle it down the street with all your neighbors being jealous that you have a penguin and they dont…not to mention the ass you would pull with a pet penguin..”oh what a cute penguin!”…score.

  7. I want a penguin too! I was tempted to steal a penguin statue thing from a restaurant once…my friends talked me out of it.

  8. The floor of your apartment / house is probably not built to hold that much weight. A 3K gallon pool weighs over 12 tons!!!! Would you park a large dumptruck in the middle of your living room? I would take that thing down and be happy that no one has been hurt/killed by it yet (especially the people living below you!).

  9. Thanks Ginger. You probably never ate dirt or had fun when you were a kid either. We get it, they did it, and it worked without causing any damage. Best things I’ve read in a while. Good on you.

  10. This has got to be the most amazing story I have heard in the past few months. I wish I could have witnessed this. Slip and slide in the dorm hallways is as far as I have been. You rock! Was that picture of the ceramic claw bathtub over the fire with the people piled in and the title of “redneck hot tub” in your backyard as well? I also agree with your decision making process.
    Keep dreaming big it obviously suits you.

  11. I think I would have been utterly heartbroken upon hearing I wasn’t getting a penguin… Far too distraught to think about a swimming pool in my living room… y’know, until I’d get the idea to throw a penguin-themed pool party, complete with mackeral!

  12. You had no way of knowing whether that pool (yes 12 TONS) would have collapsed the floor and hurt or killed anyone living on a floor below.

    Not so smart, guys. Not smart at all.

  13. I think what is so hilarious – is that when I first discovered that website I was so excited over the possibility that I could own my own penguin I had the exact same thoughts. Considering buying a 10 foot fish tank for my penguin. Thinking about how much money it could feasibly cost. Hoping to take him/her for walks around the neighborhood. Granted I never went as far as you – and that is certainly the funniest shit I have ever read. but, I feel your pain – just wanted to let you know! so sad that the website was a fake. Guess it’s easy to believe anything when it involves a penguin becoming your best friend.

  14. I’ve read everyones response to this story. Apparently some of you need to improve your reading comprehension skills. The guy has a house, not some 2nd or 3rd floor apartment. Yes, 12tons would some damage….but I believe he was in his own house and did not have to worry about humans living below him in case of a collapse. You should try it again, and put it your backward. Just give yourself a little extra room when mowing. First check and see if the climate you live in will support mr. penguin. Then, get the penguin.

  15. Was this built on a concrete floor? Seriously, I’m surprised 12-13 tons of water didn’t crash through the floor. Even 12″ joists would have trouble holding up that kind of weight.

  16. I have to say that I never thought there were people that had the same thought process as myself and my friends. You rock dude!!! This is for sure something that my friends would do. Your next thing should be trying to aquire a polar bear. Good luck on that.

  17. i built a swimming pool in my car once and filled it with pigeons. it spilled a lot when i drove my friends around. pools are made to be filled with naked girls licking each other, and the occasional penguin too i guess (if it’s naked as well).

  18. To end the fascinating debate – It’s on the first floor of a house. Some readers picked this up from the quote :

    ΓƒΒ’Γ’β€šΒ¬Γ…β€œI know I always tell you not to do your crazy ideas and you usually do anyway, but listen to me on this one. DonΓƒΒ’Γ’β€šΒ¬Γ’β€žΒ’t do it. You could crack your foundation or flood your houseΓƒΒ’Γ’β€šΒ¬Β

    Thanks for visiting… I’ve got even crazier stories on the way.

  19. so maybe everyone will realize now….ITS ON CONCRETE!
    anyways, sorry about not getting the penguin. Maybe you could adopt one from some foreign website…gimme a few min and ill get a link. You can just send in like $20 a month to help feed it. I’ll, i mean they, will even send you pictures of your penguin. sound good? lol

  20. Some of you people seriously need to improve on your reading(and thinking) skills. Thankyou for the excellent post, very enjoyable… I was very sad to find out about you not getting a penguin πŸ™ I would like a penguin too… or a duck, ducks are pretty cool too… maybe I could do this for a duck.

  21. Great story; it’s sad that you didn’t get a penguin maybe a nice puddy cat instead? This makes me want to join CostCo them seem like cool people.

  22. I find it hard to believe that Chipchap was the only one that posted a comment that had a tiny piece of a clue. You obviously said you have a house, and I’m assuming a slab foundation. No chance of colapse there. You could have filled it with sand and had no problem. I guess people just don’t want to believe someone that wasn’t them did something so outrageous, and yet at the same time, so ingenious. Good for you for entertaining me for 5 minutes as you intended to do with this blog. By the way, GREAT decision making flow chart!! We all think it, but you put it in writing. Let us know your next half-brained project, and good luck with the penguin search.

  23. Absolutely wonderful…and for those who don’t understand physics…the amount of weight on one square in is the weight of the water of one square inch of water times the height of the pool. A waterbed that is one the floor puts less pressure on the flooring than one that is in a frame on four legs. Old hippies had to figure this crap out…it’s the leaking you need to worry about…

  24. Crystal’s hot. Thanks for the pics! Do you get to nail her? You keep referring to her as your friend. What, like you girlfriend, your plutonic friend? What’s up? If she’s available, I want some of that.

  25. She’s a crazy bitch. Like ACTUALLY crazy.

    She was my friend’s ex. She and I were just friends… until we found out that she was lying to my other friends and telling them that I was scamming them. She also told similar lies to me about them. Maybe I’ll write that story some day – really what’s stopping me is that she is actually crazy and might come to my house with a chainsaw or something.

  26. I was so hoping for you to get your penguin. I almost had a tear when you said you didn’t get it! Funny story though. You also have some awesome friends for helping you out with all of this and nopt thinking your crazy! Kudos to all of you!!!

  27. OMG that is the best idea I have ever heard. A penguin…in a pool…in your living room. That is so awesome. Sorry that those bastards tricked you though. It is kinda sad and pathetic in a small way…I mean here you were preparing and the whole time those “ass whips” were laughing at you…

    I am thinking ostrich in the garden…

  28. I’m really sorry you didn’t get your real Magellan. BUT the up side of this could be – if you would have gotten him, more than likely that is when you would have seen your disaster. If I remember correctly penguins have pretty sharp claws. Sharp claws and a VERY LARGE inflatable pool – yeah I think I can see it now.

    Still loved the idea of the pool in the livingroom!! I would have tought of something like that too.

  29. When I first saw your photo, I thought “I hope you have a concrete floor”, and then I forgot about the pool completely when you turned Crystal over and she started to whimper and squeal noises like a Dolphin. What? You didn’t include audio? I must have been hearing things! Thanks for the supplemental pics…Looks like the pool was wet before you applied water!

  30. It’s a great story, shame about the lack of penguins.

    Shame a bunch of idiots are talking about the people who live below him when you can quite clearly see he has a garden in one of the pictures and is thusly on the ground floor…unless it’s customary to have an immigrant family in your basement like american TV keeps telling me…

  31. Great story, but I was scared as hell for you. I mean, what is the weight of 3100 gallons of water at what is the structural load capacity of your Living Room floor! I was expecting to hear that the floor gave out and the pool, penguin, and you crashed through to the basement. Thank God it didn’t happen.

  32. you are my new hero, and i was wondering if you would mind me using your decision making flow chart, as it resembles the inner workings of my brain remarkably…I actually found your website as I was looking up information on the pet duck i am trying to acquire.

  33. You are just a great guy that’s all I can about this. You obviously love animals and have the intelligence of a genius but the spark and energy of a child.
    That’s just fantastic!
    God bless you Brother,
    Rose
    PS: Get to work on changing the world immediately, that’s your calling.

  34. Loved the concept of a ‘Ghetto Indoor Pool’. I may just do that once the weather cools off. I have a 6x6x24 pool I can easily fit in my living room. I have all the equipment to install this bad-boy. Kudos buddy, next time have an indoor pool-party if you get the itch to do this again!

  35. Oh! I can’t believe you tried that! It was too dangerous to even think about, and yet, you did it, risking the lives of everyone in your city!

    Eleven Potential hazards of an indoor pool:
    1. The foundation could collapse, killing the orphans that live below you.
    2. The pool could leak, flooding the children’s Chemotherapy data tech center below you.
    3. Shark Attack
    4. cramps
    5. Pirates
    6. Carpool
    7. Becoming stranded on a desert island in the pool.
    8. Pirahnas
    9. Water torture
    10. Drowning
    11. Pee

    What you did with that pool should be illegal, based on it’s incredible danger. However, there are some benefits:

    Potential Benefits
    1. Excellent fire retardant with easy access
    2. Buffer against temperature change
    3. Swimming builds muscle and is easy on the joints
    4. Easy to load water pistols
    5. Prevents hair clogs in the shower
    6. Roof leaks no longer ruin floor
    7. Soup is ready!
    8. You can watch television from the pool!
    9. Reduced risk of sunburn
    10. Skinny dipping, baby!

    Thank you.
    Rob

  36. This is fabulous. I had to restrain myself as I was at work when I found you via Stumble. So sorry to hear about Magellan.

  37. Terrific story — in fact, I was ready to order my own personal penguin until I learned the website was a hoax. Damn…seems like a phenominal business opportunity waiting to be snatched.

  38. Tynan,
    First of all, delete all these damn spam ads….mfers.
    Second, while searching for you a place to adopt a pet penguin (still empty handed, but still looking) i ran across the scopes page for pet penguins. Seems the site was just a portfolio entry in some guys website…anyways, heres the link

  39. A man after my own heart. I applaud you.
    Smart move or not, I would have done the same thing.
    …Except I probably would have kept the pool until disaster struck… then attempted litigation against Costco/pool manufacturer for not informing me on the packaging that the pool was for outdoor use only. .>

  40. OK, this is so surreal that it would be totally unfunny on a sketch comedy show but is freakin’ hilarious! Kudos for your wit and originality and the *alls to return it to Costco!

  41. Oh how I love Costco….this was hilarious. I’m sad that you didn’t get the penguin. I love watching them waddle…

  42. And I thought my returning a phone there after 2+ years was a big deal. I bow to your insanity. Of course it would have been better had you left it full of water and pulled it up in front of the store, but I guess it might’ve been tough getting it thru your front door. Rats!

  43. From a structural engineering point of view the load of a 1m (3ft)deep pool is some 7 times the allowed loading for a residential property.

    You were lucky!

  44. can’t wait till that fails, and you flood your house, and kill everyone inside slowly by exposing them to black mold. I also hope you don’t have flood insurance and try to blame it on a broken pipe or some shit. I knew there were really fuckin’ stupid people in this world, but I thought they all lived in trailers.

  45. I don’t believe it… no one can actually be that ignorant… buying penguins online? Maybe if the story went something like this: Me and my drunk frat brothers were having a party at the ÃŽ£ÃŽ”ΓƒΕ½Γ‹Ε“ house and we though it would be a great idea to have a full blown pool inside our commons room for our annual wet t-shirt contest, and I said, “dude” and Ragin’ Johnny said “bro” and…blah, blah, blah.

  46. Funny story… but did you have to return the pool? It’s people like you who will ruin Costco’s great return policy for the rest of us. Sooner or later they’re going to change their policy because they can’t keep eating the costs for people like you. Thanks for nothing.

  47. I usually assume a gallon of water weighs about 9 pounds.

    3,100 gallons at about 9 pounds is about 27,900 pounds

    The pool is a circle with diameter 15 feet. So its floor area is Pi*7.5^2, or about 176 square feet.

    So, the weight of the pool is about 27,900 / 176 = 158 pounds per square foot.

    I vaguely recall that most residential floors are designed to hold around 50 pounds per square foot. The pool exceeded that by a factor of 3.

    You got lucky. πŸ™‚

  48. I once sat up three 24 ft. pools on the ninth floor of a building.
    It was to be a cafe and we had to load test the slab for the weight
    limit.

  49. sweet pool man. i would sure hate to see the owner of that houses face when he sees the repair and cleanup bill if your pool breaks.

  50. You’re like one of my heros. I’m especially impressed that you returned the pool. I need a membership to Costo.

  51. Hey man, i did this 3 years ago, we bought inflatable pools and put them on the 2nd floor of my buddy’s house, we filled them up, and chilled in them for a couple of days until we went downstairs and noticed that the roof was cracking, we decided to return the pools as well. It’s good to know we’re not the only ones

  52. twat, wot a gay idea, wot the f7uk woz u finking dude i cudda cum up wid dat i my slep get a fucking luife twat!!!!!

  53. Wonderful. But why didn’t you just populate it with bass or something? Or fill it with Jello! Quite a lot of Jello? But worth it (and THEN still take it back to Costco)… VERY damned cool. Sand woulda been kewl too. Then you coulda gotten naked mole rats or gophers… Very kewl. Congrats on your brilliance. I live in a concrete slab house too…

  54. just when you think you’ve seen everything….I’m sorry you are penguin deprived….and I applaud your determination to provide a suitable enviroment…how ever…you are a fortunate man….DID YOU KNOW THAT WATER WEIGHS ABOUT 10 LBS. A GALLON??!!!!
    you must have an extremly well built home…let’s see…3100 gallons@10 pounds per….OMG!!

  55. That is freaking awe-shum. Way to go out on a limb!

    It takes a big set o’ stones to do what you did. I’m envious because I do have a basement and couldn’t do it in my family room. Then again, I do have a basement, with drainage…heh heh heh I’m going to Costco after work.

  56. So, my friend Jenny and I looked at penguinwarehouse.com about a year ago, and we were also really excited at the prospect of owning a penguin. To find out it was a fake, especially for you with all the work you did really bummed my day out. Oh well, at least they took your pool back.

  57. I think he was made aware of the danger to his foundations by his father if you actually bother to read it.

    Also, why would there be people living below him?

  58. I screamed “HOOOOLLYYY SHIT” when I saw that you could buy a penguin at that website.

    I’m crushed. I was going to name mine pen-pen.

  59. Ya know. I’m sorry. I am. Maybe I’m weak, or give in too easily to temptation… I woulda poked a good sized hole in that pool. I couldn’t have possibly resisted that.

  60. oh holy friggin hell…when i got to the part with the manager it all hit me and i laughed so hard i drooled all over myself and my keyboard!

  61. Too bad this was before the age of YouTube. It would be an instant hit to see a video of this online πŸ™‚

  62. I’m only slightly impressed. Had you chosen to conduct this experiment on a 2nd story level I would have been awed. As it is, thank you for your attempt. I is entertaining.
    Mr. Critical

  63. this story would have been better if the pool exploded in your house after getting the bad news about the penguin site being a hoax.

  64. Damn that’s soooo cool πŸ˜€ I wish I had a penguin, it’ll have its own little pool in the garden ^_^. lol seriously though, I live in tenerife and over here has the world’s LARGEST penguinarium. That doesn’t make too much sense though, since it’s so hot. The penguins live in a really dark room and there’s a conveyer belt that takes you round the tank thing, and there’s always chillout music playing, so the penguins have got a pretty laid back lifestyle lol.

  65. LOL Wonderful job! Very funny and quite entertaining reading. I’m sorry that you got your hopes up about the penguin, and I want to say absolutely, positively, do NOT try to get a polar bear. (Not that you could, due to Federal regulations and local “dangerous animal” laws prohibiting owning them.) Certain species are considered endangered for a reason… Donate to help them – don’t try to take them from their natural environments. But again, this is a really great read. Thank you for sharing. πŸ™‚

  66. Collin you are a pretty big asshole dude and if you were here in front of me i would beat the shit out of you just for being a little fagget bitch.

  67. Great enthusiasm, but it wasnt that funny. You obviously have a problem. I’m having a hard time figuring out what it is!!

  68. I find it bizarre commentary on our society that when you say

    “…if I had a pool that big at my house. The only problem is that my backyard is small and the robomower might cut the pool up. I considered putting it in the garage…”

    that so many people assumed from this that you live on the 2nd floor of an apartment building. Maybe they should try leaving Manhattan sometime. But then again, anyone who has actually been around a real penguin… probably knows they smell like ass and would eat your dog.

  69. Hi!
    this has got to be the funniest story ever. Sad thing is, that would totally be something I would want to do, but be afraid to do it. Go for the monkey next. He can also be called …M…whatever it is you wanted to name the penguin. πŸ˜‰ cause im so getting a monkey when im older! except im gonna name him Marcel, from Friends. Gotta love him. Anyways, kepp the rest of us posted on your next andventure!

  70. yea man, this is a master card commercial….1) out door pool = $400 1) house – $120,000 Finding out your plan to have a live penguin move into your new indoor(outdoor) pool…in your living room is only a shortlived dream…Priceless haha, i wish i still had the pics but I did this in my basement one time with a huge thick tarp for covering tobacco, lined the floor and wall about 4 feet high…took 3 solid days to fill and when i tried to drain it, by cutting the tarp at the floor drains…the septic tank filled up…DisAstEr. but you my friend, pulled this off well, Props.

  71. I would listen to Manofmanycolors. Men who like many colors often beat ‘fagget bitches’ up do to their deep-seeded homophobia.

  72. HEY DAVE, WE GOT TO REMEMBER THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT JUST DON’T READ OR DO RESEARCH BEFORE THEY EXPRESS THEIR OPINIONS. LEAVE IT TO PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND ME TO PRAY AND HOPE THESE PEOPLE DON’T VOTE. (REFERRING TO GINGER)

  73. ONCE AGAIN WE HAVE A WINNER! QUICK BOB TELL HIM WHAT HE WON!
    YOU IDIOT! CAN YOU NOT READ? THEY LIVE IN A HOUSE. THEY PUT IT IN THEIR LIVINGROOM. NOBODY IS ON THE FLOOR BELOW CAUSE THEIR AIN’T ONE. YOUR ELAVATOR DOESN’T GO ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP DOES IT? WELL LET ME TELL YOU A DISTURBING SECRET. YOU ONLY HAVE ONE FLOOR!!

    PS PLEASE DON’T VOTE.

  74. YES CONCRETE SLAB. IT DIDN’T CRASH SO THERE. YEAH THAT IS A LOT OF WEIGHT. WOW YOU ARE SMART.

    RE-READ THE STORY YOU MISS THE WHOLE THING!

  75. O HOW I HAVE WAITED TO TALK TO “MOM” LIKE THIS.
    WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM? HUH? HOW COULD YOU SET YOUR HOPES SO LOW? DO YOU GET OFF ON SOME SICK PLEASURE OF PEOPLE FAILING? WHAT ARE FROM BRENTWOOD OR SOMETHING? O NEVERMIND, YOU PROBABLY DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT IS. LET ME GUESS BORN WITH THE SILVER SPOON IN DA MOUTH? NEVER HAD TO WORK FOR ANYTHING MAYBE? OR MAYBE YOU HAD NOTHING AND YOU FELT SORRY FOR YOURSELF AND STILL HAVE NOTHING BECAUSE YOU NEVER DID ANYTHING ABOUT IT. I DON’T KNOW AND I REALLY COULD NOT GIVE ANY LESS WHO YOU ARE OF WHERE YOU CAME FROM. MUCH LESS HOW hard YOU HAD IT. I’LL TELL YOU THIS MUCH…ONE OF THESE DAYS, AND I HOPE IT’S ME, YOU ARE GOING TO SAY THE WRONG THING TO THE WRONG PERSON AND YOU WILL GET YOURS. DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN TRAILERS? I GREW UP WITH NOTHING. I TOOK BATHS IN A FUCKING CREEK. LIVING IN AND OUT OF BUSES. SCROUNDGING FOR FOOD. TOOK BEATINGS FROM MY MOM AND MELSESTED BY MY STEP FATHER. WELL I GOT BALLS TO TELL A FRIEND ONE DAY. PUT MYSELF IN STATES CUSTODY AND MADE SOMETHING OF MYSELF. I FINISHED SCHOOL, I HAVE A HOME OF MY OWN (PAID FOR)A FULL TIME JOB FOR A FLAWLESS COMPANY. I HAVE NO CHILDREN AND I AM NOT MARRIED. I HAVE WHAT I HAVE BECAUSE I HAVE WORKED MY ASS OFF FOR IT. I HAD A DEAD BEAT MOM AND DAD I NEVER MET. TO TOP IT ALL OFF I A 22 YEAR OLD FEMALE. SO SUCK MY DICK AND YOU TELL ME HOW GOD DAMN STUPID I AM.

  76. It’s incredibly stupid to try and keep a penguin as a pet. They practically crap their body weight every day, they bite, and it’d probably get seized by animal control, since I’m pretty sure keeping one as a pet is illegal as hell.

  77. seriously. this story cracked me the hell up! I love that everyone is all butt hurt as to the penguin and whether the f0ing foundation will break or not. IT DIDN’T.

    der.

    The true point to take from this is: Costco rules!

  78. questions: if you were ever serious about buying a penguin and that setup, how exactly did you plan on cleaning the pool? it’s going to crap fish guts all over it. I’m also really curious why the heck you want to keep a cold-water bird “indoor and warm”.

  79. Great project!! Bummer,no penguins:) I’d have tried an otter,LOL Plus I would have dug up psrt of the slab and installed a permanent pool. Pythons are easy to keep too. Only allowed one Piranna though. Good luck on next project!! Bummer=Crystals site outdated???

  80. Dude, I was all excited when I started reading until I found out you didnt get the penguin. I want you to have one someday!

  81. The only thing better than astoundingly stupid people are astoundingly stupid people so unaware they are morons, they proudly show off their moronicity. You were dumb enough to think you could mail order a live penguin. Dumb enough to want to adopt an animal that would be way out of it’s habitat and which you had no idea how to care for (hint: that pool would be full of penguin shit and bacteria pretty quickly). And dumb enough to think its cool to have a business sustain a loss of, what, a couple of hundred bucks, because you’re a moron? I hope someday some other moron costs you a couple of hundred bucks for no good reason, but then morons as dumb as you are sooooo far and few between. Your poor parents, they must feel so guilty for drinking during the pregnancy or dropping you on your head or whatever they did to make you such a complete tard.

  82. I set up a similar pool on my back porch this summer for my dog. She had trouble getting in and out of it. I tried to build a staircase over the top of it but its convex shape made it difficult. Ultimately she punctured the side with her nails. Try as I might, I couldn’t drain the darn thing completely so it sat there and became a mosquito breeding ground. I tried to take it back, but was asked to leave by a Wal-Mart associate.

    Moral of the story, penguines have shorter legs than dogs, so magellen might have needed a boost, and kudos to you for trying.

  83. I think its werid cause I would of totally belived the site and i guess they should of told you about it not being real when you started to get all excited. I like magellen as a name and am dearly sorry for your loss my mother also wanted a penguin and was going to put it in the tube and feed it cheese.. not a healthy diet.. but i was determined to buy her one .. no luck yet ! she was going to name it Sir Pepin

  84. I enjoyed the story.
    I once put a pool in my bedroom, while at boarding school.
    It was a bit smaller than yours but afterwards I though “Crikey! That was dumb!” If it had spilled out I would have been in major trouble. That and of course the weight issue — I think I worked out that I had a couple of tonnes of water in the room. Risky…
    Anyway, I enjoyed your story a lot.
    Ben

  85. Is this a basement apt ? How did the floor not collapse ? Hard to believe… I had one of those things in my backyard, and it was a heavy niggah.

  86. Costco got screwed in this deal, but then again the manager could have pushed back a little harder. Nice job of articulating what went through my mind reading this entry.

  87. Ok first best story i have heard in a long time. my bf’s roommate sent me the link when i mentioned that i was pretty sure i could fit a hot tub in my bedroom. i’m pretty sure you can all see how they linked the two together. second, really who doesnt love a cute penguin? i would so get one if i thought i could. and to Ben…i have a duck.

  88. This story is inspired by homo’s and large amounts of crack cocaine. “Remember kids cocaine is a powerful drug!” Try this at home!

  89. That is soooooooooo cool. I want a pool in my house. I also agree about the penguins. Why don’t you do some real research and see if you can find a penguin to buy-it would be totally awesome! But…Where does it crap?

  90. If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is around to hear it, does it still make a sound? YES.

    Just because the pool did not collapse the floor, it does not make it safe.

    There was no previous mention whether this was a slab foundation or a basement foundation, so “Engineer” was simply pointing this out in case someone else with a “basement foundation” decides to try this in their own house (it is bound to happen, there are plenty of uninformed people)

    I agree with “Engineer” above. If this house has a basement, the floor could have collapsed AT ANY TIME, whether there were people around or not. It is extremely lucky that nothing happened and that nobody was in the basement watching TV if the supporting floor did fail. Believe it or not, even though nobody may live in the basement, it is often considered living space just the same.

    If this house has a slab foundation, “piles” that support the house are usually installed around the perimeter of the foundation and underneath supporting walls. The living-room is a large open area with no supporting walls in the center. This means that 12 TONS OF WATER WOULD CRACK THAT SLAB FOUNDATION and exert unnecessary stress to the walls and floor nearby. At best a slab foundation has between 4-6 inches of concrete (except along perimeter walls) and this CANNOT support 12 tons of anything.

    Besides the very unsafe nature of this pool installation, I found this story extremely hilarious. The writer has a good sense of humour and her delivery of the story is great. Well done. Please consider your father’s advice in the future. πŸ™‚

  91. I am sorry to hear about your past, but that still does not mean that you know enough about structural engineering or construction to criticize those who have pointed out the obvious dangers of putting a 12 ton weight in the center of a thin concrete slab.

    Believe it or not, more people in North America (USA and Canada) live in houses with basement foundations than in houses with slab foundations. Therefore, it is not uncommon that some people would think about the dangers associated with a basement foundation.

    For your information, Basements prevent foundation shifting due to freeze/thaw cycles in colder climates, and maximize square footage without unnecesarily adding height to walls that will be exposed to colder weather that will require insulation (because the walls are buried and not exposed)

    So before you belittle those who know more than you about construction, why don’t you keep your unintelligent comments to yourself. You do nobody any good. These people have probably forgotten more than you know. I hope one day that you do something stupid and it goes wrong because you are too close-minded to listen to anyone else.

  92. awww…that is so sad…not the pool part, but the not getting a penguin part. i was all excited for you and wanted to see your little penguin playing in his pool. i’m so sorry. *sniffle*

  93. Very funny. That’s the kind of absurd project I’d put a lot of effort into, too. Amazing photos and the flow chart is dead-on!

  94. This is brilliant and you are brilliant. Thanks for the hilarious story! I’ve been passing it around to friends all day and they love it.

  95. This was the first article on your blog I ever read (last week sometime). I found it while bumbling along in a now-forgotten Google search. I laughed my butt off. It inspired me to start writing about a few of my own goofy ideas and adventures at http://www.4fraziers.com with the advice you posted on starting a blog.

    Thanks for the entertainment!

  96. sooo funny! I just stumbled upon this site and am sooo glad I did just because of this. Holy crap, will you be my new best friend???

  97. frickin killed me,..my gf sent me to this site lol…
    hey seeing how i live up here in canada,,,i could probally catch ya one…:P and send it,,,…

  98. You look so cute in the pics, how old are you ? you are the stupidest person in the world but if you insist why have a swimming pool in a house room? You are still cute cute cute cute cute cute ccccuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutey bye sexy boy love Rhiannan xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  99. Hey man, I’m looking into buying a penguin my self and was checking out penguinwarehouse.com and thanks for giving me a heads up, cool story man. But I wanted to know if it is possible to actually even buy a penguin?
    email me twig160@aim.com
    PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!

  100. would have been better if you’d decided to get a pet lion. a giant sandbox in the living room could have doubled as the litter box

  101. Holy crap! Best article I’ve read in a while. Now I want a penguin. Did you ever get a real one? There must be someplace you can…although I would think it’d be tricky with quarantines and exotic animal laws etc. Awesome article, thanks.

  102. I adopted my son, Alessandro, a Megellanic penguin who lives in Cabo Virgenes, over a year ago. He does not live with me, but he does send me semi-regular emails and photos of himself.

  103. I live in S.W. Florida and I have to move back up north to care for my parents who are not well. I have become very spoiled having a built in pool right outside my back door!!!!! I would love to put one of these pools in a house that I will be buying in Ky. – Does anyone know the manufacturer? Also, how deep is the pool and is it possible to heat the pool? I will be putting it in my basement so that if it does blow perhaps it will be a little safer. Please let me know. Thanks!!!!

  104. At first, when I started reading, I thought, “WTF?! This guy is NUTS.” But you managed to sway me…and now I kind of wish you’d gotten that penguin. It’s cool that Costco actually took the pool back…they’re mad awesome like that. But I can’t help feeling disappointed that you never got a living breathing penguin to call Magellan. And your sister couldn’t even buy you a little stuffed penguin?? That’s cold, man. I say we all start a fund called “Buy Tynan A Penguin.” And get lots of publicity. OOOH!! YOU SHOULD GO ON THE LATE SHOW!! Yes! And tell David Letterman about the Penguin Shenanigans. Yes. That is what you should do.

  105. this was an amazing story.
    i just sat here in amazement.
    it sounded just like something i would do.
    πŸ™
    too bad about the penguin though…

  106. Tynan, that is about the funniest story I have ever heard. I am glad you did not let those common sense driven, nay-sayers interefere with your pursuit of your dream. If I ever come across a penguin I will be happy to give him/her to you. You are truly an inspiration.

  107. That is just like me. I was listening to a mystery method audiobook with Sinn and Savoy and one of them mentioned having a pet octopus. Immediately I started googling it and now plan on getting an octopus. Living in the center of Florida it shouldn’t be hard to do so.

  108. Hey fake tucker max guy, too bad that 25,000 lbs of weight didnt collapse your floor, wish it would have.

    ps- cute hat

    pps- faggot

  109. Boy when I get a house I HAVE to try this! There’s nothing more relaxing than floating in a pool in the dark.

  110. People are really jerks. Take the story at face value, laugh, and appreciate the writing skills. Get over yourselves. No one likes a know it all or an @#*hole.

  111. haha that is a pretty great story. and i bet the people at cosco were like “wth? o.O” haha too funny. good story πŸ™‚

  112. Duuude that is sooo funny… me and my older sister were just talking about doing thin since the air quality near our house sucks due to the fires.. and i figured id google pools that can fit in your living room and lo and behold i came upon this.. you are my new hero…

  113. Hahaha, there is no way your damage deposit would have covered that bad boy going through the floor.

    Did your landlord know about this?

  114. This article is crap. A pool in the living room? Gay. Bunch a fuck-tards. I hope you hit a bridge abutment today.

  115. Hi Tynan,

    I just read your post about the rules of asking favor. Great advice! Thanks for sharing. I look forward to reading more upcoming posts!

    Cheers,
    Cate

  116. Costco has a 10% return policy. Here’s how it works.

    Costco posts guards at the entrance who count the morons and non-morons as they walk in the door.

    Hey Tynan, did you say hello to the door guard?

    The door guards say to all the morons, “Hello moron, you’re prolly here to buy fresh fruit, but I know you won’t be able to resist a swimming pool, but no worries, we’ve got you covered by our 10% return policy.”

    Also, to the non-morons the guards say, “Hello Mr Responsible. Boy am I glad to see you. Did you see that moron who just walked in? He’s a doofous. Do me a favor won’t ya? Follow him to the swimming pool section and buy one too. Yes, I know you don’t really NEED a swimming pool, but I’m betting you won’t return it like that moron. I just need eight more people like you who are responsible. That moron really appreciates how you are so willing to give Costco money so he can love life and explore its possibilities by ignoring common sense and discovering what is really possible. Believe me, he really appreciates your support. He will be very thankful when he returns his swimming pool in a heap of a moldy mess.”

  117. I was moving out of an apartment where I had a waterbed. To drain a waterbed, you are supposed to connect a hose to the drain valve and then connect that to the faucet and turn the faucet on; apparently water flowing from the faucet through the valve into the sink also sucks water from the waterbed. I left for an errand and came back to ALMOST an indoor pool; the bed was about six feet high and could have burst at any moment. Looked like an enormous tick. I went to the faucet and switched the faucet from FILL to DRAIN. Long story short, I was able to get my deposit back and sleep in the bed again πŸ™‚

  118. Just saw this. The site wasn’t loading earlier today so I googled the site to see if it’d make a difference, and this post came up on google results. Otherwise I’d have never seen this despite being a regular reader. OMG what a funny story. I think you wrote it well, and that’s what made it really funny. I’m glad the penguin thing was a hoax, cos sounds like you used tap water, which is usually chlorinated, to fill the pool.

  119. Very Nice,Β  but back in 1985 in San Jose California at a motel my husband came in with a kiddie pool and set it up for the kids there were 5 at the time.Β  We had a rough time lost our house in florida we ended up in aΒ motel Β you could pay by the week….the oldest was 7, 6, 4, 3, 1 1/2…

    Yours is great I don’t have a fenced in back yardΒ  your idea looks very good…thanks.

  120. Your decision making flow chart is one of the greatest illustrations of a thought process ever. I fully agree that this is an excellent philosophy on decision making.

  121. Amusing story but to make you feel better,you could visit the penguin colony in Patagonia which smells like a chicken yard and study the way they nest in holes in the ground and pretty much leave droppings everywhere and go off to swim in the ocean. The moldy pool was probably a whole lot less gross-you dodged a missile there.

  122. I enjoyed that. Especially when I read what W web said about your tap water having chlorine. Glad all turned out. Listen to your parents. I have a 6 year old who already seems to be like you. I’m 50. Maybe I won’t be around for most of his bigger messes. Lol

  123. I just found this post while looking for an indoor pool for my basement to rehabilitate an injured dog. It is a hilarious story. I actually sent the story to my son because he thinks I have crazy ideas when it comes to my many animals. His response , seriously mom just because someone else is nuts , it doesn’t make you sane. I love this blog thanks for sharing.

  124. I just found this post while looking for an indoor pool for my basement to rehabilitate an injured dog. It is a hilarious story. I actually sent the story to my son because he thinks I have crazy ideas when it comes to my many animals. His response , seriously mom just because someone else is nuts , it doesn’t make you sane. I love this blog thanks for sharing.

  125. This is absolutely hilarious! I was looking into an indoor pool for a room in my house, and found this–you truly are the man! This is just about the funniest thing I have ever read.

  126. Can you repost the pictures, and especially the flow chart? I remember reading that flowchart a few years ago and thinking it was amazing! I just pulled this up to take a look again, and it doesn’t show anymore!

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