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To see if anyone had any tips for smuggling huge amounts of Chipotle into a hotel (which I only discovered at the last minute wasn't allowed), I searched Google for "Chipotle wedding".
I wasn't the only person who had the idea to have Chipotle catering for my wedding, but that part didn't surprise me. What surprised me was that most of the questions about the idea online were, "My fiancée and I both love Chipotle, but we're nervous people will judge us if we serve it at our wedding. Should we do it?"
The answer was a resounding no. Chipotle is totally inappropriate for a wedding, said the internet.
And, for a moment, even I felt the social pressure. What would people think, eating their DIY Chipotle out of cardboard bowls with plastic spoons? And then the moment passed and I realized first that it was my friends and family so they'd probably like it, and second that since this was the one party per lifetime I was going to plan, I/we could be a little selfish and have the food and drink (water) that we like.
We rented the biggest hotel suite we could find that wasn't absurdly expensive, asked a couple of our friends to smuggle the food past security in what we later dubbed "the meat suitcase", and got a couple water dispensers. People showed up at six thirty and left at eleven thirty, hanging out, eating Chipotle, and watching a very brief wedding ceremony with a few impromptu speeches. The next morning everyone came over again and we made tea for around 30-40 people for a few hours. Later that night most of us went to Karaoke.
The next day my sister had her wedding. She had other plans at first, but in the end decided it would be a lot more practical and stress-free to have her wedding at the same time when everyone would be in town anyway. So she scouted out a random and exquisitely beautiful spot in the desert, and we all met there for a brief wedding ceremony (which I officiated) before hiking back down the hill and going to dinner.
Lots of people commented that both of our weddings were perfect for the respective couples. And all four of us married folk felt great. We were surrounded by those closest to us, had a great time, spent very little money, and, maybe most importantly, had zero stress associated with the wedding.
It occurred to me afterwards how different things would have been if any of us cared what society thought. What if we felt the pressure to get fancy food? To buy expensive wedding dresses? To have a traditional venue? I would have been counting down the minutes until it ended if I had a wedding like that, and I would have spent a whole lot more money and endured a lot more stress.
(It should go without saying that some people love all of those things, and that's great! I think most couples would have been mortified at the idea of having a wedding like ours)
A wedding is just one example that happens to be on my mind. There are plenty more, though. I lived in an RV, live in an area many consider to be undesirable, wear the same clothes every day, and who knows what else.
A big part of advertising is trying to make you feel bad about yourself if you don't do what the ad suggests. It's effective. Every ad related to weddings, whether obvious or product placement, is intended to couple the amount of money you spend with your feelings towards your spouse. It's ridiculous, but it's also effective. Same with cars, houses, vacations, clothes, and... just about everything else.
It's important to be immune to that pressure, otherwise you end up paying more for things that you like less. That's just about the worst outcome you can get.
How do you develop that immunity to pressure? You just ignore it at first and pay attention to the results. You'll notice that no one really cares, and those who do are often just jealous that you have the bravery to do it. You'll also notice that it feels good to actually do what you want to do. Do this often enough, and soon society's pull on you weakens to just about nothing.
Photo is the church in Budapest... we went there right before the wedding, sort of as a honeymoon-in-advance
Sorry for the very late post this week. It has been, as you can imagine, a pretty crazy week.
I'm not sure how to even begin talking about 2017, except to say that it was a really exceptional year for me.
As I've said in previous years, every year of my life has so far been better than the previous. The primary driver is that I work for permanent, not fleeting, progress.
The net improvement year over year varies. Sometimes it's a small incremental improvement, and other times it's a huge one. I feel confident saying that 2017 delivered the biggest improvement ever.
The strange part of it all is that two areas that had been constant areas that demanded a lot of focus and time, dating and finances, both went to a 10/10 this year. I realized that part of my identity had become based around working on those things, so it's been weird to have both totally taken care of.
I'm going to do something a little bit different with the gear post this year. Usually I go over every single item in a small amount of detail. This year has only a few changes but they are really exciting changes, so I'm going to highlight only the differences.
Once you finish reading this post, you can go back to the 2017 Gear Post to see the things that didn't change. Next year I'll do a full writeup again, as it would be annoying to have to keep going through back posts.
Wool Wool Wool
I have to start the gear post off by talking about wool, even though I'm sort of sick of writing an ode to wool every year. The bottom line is that it is essentially impossible to travel light without wool clothing. Everything I wear is wool, and that's the secret to being able to wear the same clothes every day, and thus not have a huge backpack full of stuff.
Eleven years ago I switched to a Dvorak keyboard. I was worried that I would get carpal tunnel syndrome if I stuck to Qwerty, so I made the switch. The first few days were pure agony, but then after a week or two it felt as natural as anything else. And, of course, it's still the keyboard I use and I don't have carpal tunnel syndrome. Not yet, anyway.
When I visited my friend Derek in New Zealand last year we geeked out and he showed me his linux setup. He used a window manager called ratpoison, which is a tiling window manager. The basic non-nerdy explanation is that instead of windows all piling up on top of each other, they are automatically tiled to be next to each other.
I tried it, hated it, and deleted it.
This summer, because I saw a desktop that used it and looked cool, I decided to try a tiling window manager again (i3-gaps). Again, I hated it. But this time it reminded me of when I switched to Dvorak. I had felt the same way, but that unease went away quickly. So I decided that I would stick with it for a least two weeks. I wanted to quit again on day three, when I had a lot of work to do, but I didn't allow myself to.
I wanted to write a post about making the Biggest Decisions. Before doing so, I thought I'd jot down some of mine and look for commonalities. What surprised me most was how few decisions of this magnitude there were. Depending on where I set the bar, I've probably only made 10 huge decisions in my entire life. I made the first about 20 years ago, so I make one every two years.
Here are some of what I consider to be the biggest decisions:
1. Dropping out of school2. Deciding to travel around the world for an extended period of time3. Moving to Las Vegas (as well as other moves)4. Living in an RV5. Focusing entirely on pickup for 1-2 years6. Getting married
It was interesting to realize how few there were, especially while keeping in mind the enormous changes they've made in my life. In other words, they are even higher leverage than I had subconsciously considered them to be.
Have you ever noticed that amongst people who seem to be doing "the right thing", results vary wildly? Throughout my life I've met a ton of hard workers with great habits. You'd expect that they would all do similarly well, but they don't. Some are very happy, fulfilled, and successful, while others seem to always be struggling.
Some of this, of course, is luck. One one hand it would be sort of neat if your results always matched your input exactly, but at the same time that would probably make life less exciting. No one would play a slot machine that just took three cents every single time they pulled the handle.
It's not all luck, though. And while we will all be subject to luck, those who count on it tend to not do well.
One thing I've noticed is that people who have everything aligned in their lives tend to do better. I know that personally when I've had stuff aligned, my results have been a lot better.
I've mentioned a few times wanting to do a live event, but what keeps me from setting a date and doing it is how many different ideas I have on formats and sizes. So, I'm going to just pick a date, see who signs up, and tailor the event to the number of people and type of person that sign up.
The date is March 3rd, 2018 and it will take place in Las Vegas. The event will be 1pm - 9pm that Saturday, and there will be an optional free follow-up the next day, probably from 11am - 2pm or something like that.
The overarching goal of the event, regardless of other factors, is to help you figure out where you want your life to go over the next few years, to work backwards to find leverage points in your life, to figure out the best habits/practices to get that leverage, and then to figure out a specific actionable plan with which to implement those changes.
Every single person who comes in ready to work will leave with concrete action steps.
I like writing my annual gratitude post, mostly because it's an easy one. I have a ton of things to be grateful for, and I like talking about those things.
Fairly frequently, often at night before I go to sleep, I make a mental account of the things for which I'm grateful. I never make it to the end, though, because there are so many things that I inevitably become distracted or fall asleep.
At the top of my list, always, are my friends and my family. Of all of the things in my life, my family is the one I feel most lucky about, since I had no hand in the selection process at all. I almost feel guilty, sometimes, knowing that I have such a great force in my life that I did nothing to earn. To make up for that I try to put a lot of effort into my family and make sure I strengthen those relationships.
And even with my friendships and my relationship, though I've obviously put in a lot of work to foster those connections, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for having met those people in the first place and having had the chance to become friends with them.
I think a lot about work life balance on cruises because all of the noise is stripped away from life when you're on the ship. There are no errands, few interruptions, and no chores. You're left with the resources to do whatever you want, from work to sitting at the pool all day.
When work life balance is typically talked about, it's talked about as if there is only one correct answer, which is somewhere right in the middle. Enough work to do a good job, and enough of everything else to fill the rest of the time.
I'm pretty deliberate with my work life balance and I've adjusted it everywhere from working almost none to doing nothing but work. I don't really think any particular point on that scale is right for everyone, and I further don't think that any particular point on the scale is right for any one person all of the time.
Before thinking about your own balance, think about what you need more of in your life. We all want more money, but money is obviously not always the most important goal for every single person. And we all want fulfillment, often achieved through good work, but it comes from other places as well.
What's the most important thing on which you could spend your time right now? Really think about it, don't just keep skimming. Maybe it's a work thing, maybe it's an errand, maybe it's spending time with someone important, maybe it's finally starting a new important habit. Or maybe you don't know?
It's not always obvious what you should be doing, especially when you consider multiple areas of life at once. How do you compare investing in a relationship to building your business?
Before you can know what your most important thing is, you must know what's important to you. That's not as easy as it sounds, because we've all been influenced so much by society that it's hard to know what we care about and what we're just expected to care about.
If you don't know what you actually want and why, it will not be motivating enough for you to get it, so there's no point in trying. For a long time I wanted to build a big company. Why? No idea, really. It's what you're supposed to do when you're in tech, but I had no personal connection with the goal, so it never happened.