Perfection

I’m not sure exactly what causes it. Maybe it’s the exponential rise in options that all of us have in nearly every aspect of life. Maybe it’s the simplification of entertainment and the desire for a fairy-tale ending. Or maybe it’s something else I can’t think of.

We are way too focused on perfection. We want to do things at the perfect time, find the perfect job, and meet the perfect person.

Is the result that everything becomes perfect in our life? No, it’s that we fail to pull the trigger, often keeping ourselves further from perfection than we’d otherwise be.

A while ago I was talking with one of my aunts and she made an offhand comment that these days it seems like everyone is trying to date someone perfect. When she was dating, she said, people were trying to find a good person and build a good relationship with them.

When people talk to me about wanting to travel, very often they’re trying to find the perfect day to leave, a day on which everything domestically will be wrapped up, and there will be no downsides to uprooting their lives and leaving. Of course, that day never comes for anyone.

In myself I see this tendency most strongly in business. When I start a new project I’m full of excitement, but as soon as I find a flaw in it part of my brain pushes me to move on to a different project, one where I haven’t found any flaws yet.

We often seek perfection as a means to avoid hard work. If I’m dating someone who is perfect, I don’t have to work hard on the relationship. If you find that perfect date to leave, you don’t need to deal with loose ends. The perfect business doesn’t require me to work through messy problems that may not have clean solutions.

It’s great when things do come easily, but counting on it for your life is not a good strategy.

We also don’t like doing the hard work of choosing between imperfect options. Choosing something perfect is very easy because it comes with no downsides. How do you decide when a partner or business idea is good enough to deserve all of your focus? When is it “settling” and when is it making a savvy decision? It’s not usually obvious.

This is where having strong personal standards comes in. When you know what you want, what you actually want, you can make these decisions and be comfortable with them. If you’re merely conforming to a vague set of society’s expectations, it’s very difficult to make these decisions.

Through experience I know what I want in a girlfriend. My girlfriend is imperfect as I am, but she is all the things that are important to me in a partner. Once I knew her well enough to realize that, I was happy to call her my girlfriend.

Same with business. CruiseSheet isn’t a perfect business, but it leverages my skills well, is a good market, and is something I’m interested in. Good enough. Same with my coaching program.

If I settled for just any business and girlfriend, I’d be inviting many problems into my life and would probably be fairly miserable. If I would only accept perfection I’d have no money and no girlfriend. The key is to know which factors matter to you and which don’t, and to stop searching and start acting once you find a match for those things which are important to you.

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Photo is from Vienna. My family came to visit in Budapest for a week and we took a day trip by train to Vienna. Having my family travel with me was an amazing experience and went even better than I expected. Can’t wait to do it again.

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45 comments

  1. I can relate to not having ‘Magnus’ key-rings and stickers and mugs and things.

    Then when I was 9 we went on holiday to Denmark, where Magnus is a much more common name, and they had everything! I still have some of those stickers left, because I didn’t want to run out, I hoarded them.

    Magnus means great 🙂

  2. I know how you guys feel without having the whole key ring thing. I think Daryl is a fairly common name, but they never have it. My brother always had his, which made it all the worse.

    Anyways, my middle name is Seiichi, which means “holy one.” Looks like you were destined to be my arch-enemy Tynan the “dark one” ! Actually, you should probably be on the lookout for a “Lucius,” which means bringer of light.

  3. My name is Laya, and I hear you. Technically my name should be “L-e-a-h” but my mom didn’t want people to call me “Lee-ah” so she changed the spelling. Unfortunately people still call me Leah, and Layla, and Layra and Layer. It’s to the point that when giving my name – say, when I order food for carry out – I automatically spell my name in an attempt to avoid confusion. That rarely actually works.

    I’ve met many Leah’s and a Leigha once, but I’ve only encountered one other Laya – a customer on the phone when I used to work on a Help Desk.

  4. I think missing out on the consumerism is just fine when you think about the first time you meet someone and you tell them your name, and the reaction they have. My mum picked Tynan the same way that your parents did.to think i was gonna be called todd… I have read a few different definations for our name: dark or grey castle, dark warrior and what you said.
    I was living with a couple guys that were in Canada doing a working vacation from Ireland, and they told me that it’s pronounced tiernan in gaelic. They also mentioned that he was a mythical warrior or something of the sort. I was actually trying to find out more info about this after a girl on the bus started up a convo and took a fancy to my name, and that is how i stumbled across this site.

    Tynan

  5. Donovan means “dark/odd warrior”.

    I enjoy stupid questions such as “Did your parents name you after Donovan Mcnab?” (i’m in my 20’s, he’s in his 30’s)
    “How doy you spell that?” “D-o n-o v-a-n” and then manage to put an E in it””can I call you Donnie?” “May I call turd face?”

  6. Only number four in the Milky Way, but hey, that’s in the whole galaxy.

    (If there were a galaxy-wide internet, it would still take 4.3 years to get an update from a our closest star, Alpha Centauri.)

  7. Dude – my name’s Tynan. I thought it just meant “Dark”, although “The Dark One” sounds even cooler.

    My last name means “man of the woods” so I guess I’m “The dark man of the woods”. Oooooh….. creepy!

    That name led me to this site and gave me the opportunity to become the PUA I am. Strange how my parents’ and your parents’ weird way of choosing names is getting me laid.

    And dude… I’m totally stoked on the Tynan party. We can go out sarging together in Honolulu. Rock on! And since it’ll be a little while before you’re THAT rich, I should have time to polish my PUA skills to a high shine.

    Btw you’re still #2 on Google behind Tynan Motors for me. I’m in Canada.

  8. Putting all my names together I am the just, worthy of praise man of the mountain who apparently lives in or near a stream.

    *scratches haed*

    Yeah I dont get it either.

  9. Try having a name like Annie-Rose. That sucks ass.
    I never had anything wih my name on it.
    Not even Annie is on stuff.
    Those bastards.

  10. I also have an unusual name. I chose to go by this middle name. I saw you this weekend and got star-struck. Maybe it was just your hat. I was at Casa de Luz meeting my best friends to celebrate my 26th birthday, and there you are. I saw my favorite celebrity here in Austin this weekend for SXSW (Wayne Cohen of the Flaming Lips); I was also starstruck when I saw him. Who would of thought that seeing a blogstar would have the same effect. Thank you for sharing your stories.

  11. You should have come and said hi! Actually, I bet I know who you are… I noticed someone looking over at me a bunch of times during brunch.

    Tynan

  12. I would have totally said hi, but you left before we even paid. We had just walked in the door. My roommate thought you were a dj for SXSW.

  13. I know what you mean, they always have merchandise for Casey but never Kacey. Everyone always spells it wrong or trys to say I have a girl’s name. I’ve never met another Kacey in person but the internet does help in meeting others with my name.

  14. Hi Tynan,
    I have a 10 month old son and his name is Tynan also, it makes me wonder just how many Tynans there are in the world…….

  15. hi tynan im seamus tynan from laois ireland this is where the tynan name came from tynan does mean the dark ones.tynan clan came from south laois.

  16. Thats mad seamus my father and grandfather were from laois my grandfather (joe tynan) then moved down here to co cork and populated east cork big time (haha)theirs loads of us.The dark ones i like it.

  17. I am very proud of the Tynan name, My ancestor’s are from the central part of Ireland and the Tynan name is as common as Smith is in the United States. Please do not poke fun at it. I have never met anyone in the U.S. that had the same name, that was not related to me. There is a big car dealership in the Denver, Colorado area that has the name, but I have never met them. Maybe, they are related. I heard in Ireland, that the name may be related to having dark hair, We all have dark hair in my family???

  18. In my family it is commonly acknowledged that our name got changed as we were coming into America through ellis island. Despite spelling it with an “ion” we still all pronounce it with an “an”. We suspect two groups of Tynans came into the country at the same time, and we were the ones that got a little screwed over.

    In a way its even better, because there really are no Tynions that aren’t directly related to me. I suspect I’m related to all the Tynans as well, just much more distantly.

  19. I got my name the same i think. Picked out of a names book. It is pretty awesome having a unique name except that it is really hard to say Tynan in a club. Noone seems to be able to hear the name propersly. i get called Tyron, Tyson, Tim, Bill1 WTF! But wicked to see there could be a Tynan Party in Hawaii cause all keen for that!!!!!

    Tynan

  20. well Tynan, im jj from laois, i live not far from where our name originates, most searches ive done have said that we were dark/grey and mysterious, us tynans are not to be messed wit!!! anyway laois is a haven 4 tynans, so thats gonna be some party in hawai, jj tynan.

  21. I actually named my son Tynan (19 years ago) intentionally, knowing what it means because I really liked it and thought Ty was a great short version. He uses both but most people call him Ty. We were in Ireland years later and saw that it is a very common last name there. BTW, my son was born with lots of dark hair (Dark One) but is now a pretty white guy with light brown/blonde hair. So much for the Irish roots.

  22. my grandfather came from laois,he moved to cork and theres quiet a few tynans in cork now,,,i never heard of anyone in ireland using tynan as a first name,,its used as a surname,,very interesting first name though.

  23. Hi there! We have a new baby boy named Tynan! I liked the name already, but your website helped convince me it really was a great choice, so thank you!

  24. So I was researching about name and ended up on your blog, before the Internet I just assumed I was the only dude on the planet called Tynan and felt weird. But then the Internet happened and yeah, can’t wait for Hawaii haha! I have black hair supprisingly, but that’s from my half Asian blood, although I like to think it’s because of the definition of Tynan.

    ~Tynan I

  25. Named our son Tynan 10 years ago – he loves it – only one in his school (or that we have ever met in person), so he never has to write his last name on anything 🙂

  26. Hi my name is Tynan also and I’m a 29 year old girl. Growing up I wasn’t too crazy about my name and much preferred my middle name Allyson. My mum won out in the end over my dad for Tynan as first name. I have little laugh when I meet new ppl and they say, what a beautiful name…then I inform them that it tends to be a boys name or surname. Over the years I have grown to like it. Curious with its meaning I connected some dots…I was born with black hair, in a town called blacktown on the 13th. The only difference now is that I have blonde hair naturally since I was 1. I am religious and mentioned these things to a fellow believer a few years back and he had an interpretation for me: that I will help bring ppl out of the darkness and into the light. I quite liked this and see it as part of my calling. Just a few months ago, a family friend whom I haven’t seen in years, contacted me to inform me that she had named her firstborn a girl, Tynan, after me. Growing up, she always mentioned that when she had a girl she would name her Tynan….what a lovely surprise it was. Tynan is a great name and I’m so glad to see more coming out of the woodwork!

  27. Happened on your site and was so excited. Three yrs ago I married a Tynan. His huge family are all from Louisiana. This last year one of the brothers visited Kilkenny, Ireland. I guess the Canadian Tynans migrated to LA. By the way, did you know that Kenneth Tynan wrote and produced the play Ol Calcutta. My husband is related to him and also named Kenneth. Great information on Tynan name. Thanks

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