Night Swinging

When I was younger, I loved playing on swings. My best friend Ryan and I would spend all of recess on the swings, making up new tricks and seeing who could jump further. Eventually it got to the point where ankles were being sprained and we had both perfected the backflip off the swing.

Now, many years later, I still love swinging despite encountering fewer opportunities to do it. One of the distinctive features at my new building is a large metal terrace hanging over the rooftop patio. Since moving in I’ve wanted to build a swing on it so that I could swing over the edge of the building.

I’m not sure why, but yesterday inspiration struck and I decided that it would be that day I built my swing. Evan and Jonah were with me. Evan was upset by the idea, worried that I might die. Jonah was also eager to swing, and helped me assure Evan that I did stuff like this all the time, and that I wouldn’t die. She wasn’t wholly convinced.

We arrived at Wal-Mart, the launching ground of many good schemes. We strode down the linoleum to the garden section, where the swings were.

“They’re outside. You can’t go there until 7am.”

Foiled!

Just kidding, I never get foiled. In fact, my resolve was even stronger. It wasn’t just a whim anymore, it was a challenge from the Wal Mart gods. Evan was cranky, probably because the prospect of me safely swinging was looking less likely. She suggested I wait until tomorrow.

I hate waiting until tomorrow, though. In a way I was glad there weren’t swings. I like having to be creative.

I zig zagged throught he aisles, looking for suitable swings. A woven rug looked promising, but had no way to attach the ropes to it. I finally found a boat bumper (you know those pill shaped things that make it so boats don’t hit the dock?) and decided it would be the seat of the swing.

The guy in the rope section was strange. He suggested a rope that was rated for 188lb. I weigh 140lb, and I guarantee you I weigh a lot more when swinging on a swing. Angered by our dissent, he left.

The other rope available was rated for 375lb. I figured that might be enough but didn’t remember enough Physics to really be sure. With some hesitation, I grabbed two 20′ lengths.

Then I caught sight of a beautiful thing. Nylon seatbelt-like tie down straps rated for 5000 pounds. Perfect. I bought one of those and another rated for 1000 as a backup.

We went home and got to work. The details of how we set it up are pretty boring, but in the end we made a fantastic swing out of the 5000lb strap and the bumper. It was even comfortable once I let the air out of the bumper.

As a safety we attached the 1000lb strap to a harness.

The first interesting thing I noticed is that if I was wearing the safety strap, it was no longer scary to stand on the edge of the building. I could lean forward over the edge with no fear at all. If I imagined I didn’t have the strap it got scary again.

I sat on the swing and kicked back. With a quick whoosh I was over the edge of the building looking two hundred feet down at the city below. It was magnificent. Jonah and I took turns riding the swing until it was time to go to sleep.



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44 responses to “Night Swinging”

  1. Magnus Avatar
    Magnus

    Nut.

  2. auridicyl Avatar
    auridicyl

    Looks like fun! Hope the building management doesn’t mind. Oh, and the boat “bumper?” Proper nomenclature is “fender.” Strange but true. Just in case you care 😉

  3. Joe Avatar
    Joe

    lol. That’s great, but your hat sucks.

  4. Evan Avatar
    Evan

    1. I was cranky because you took me to Wal-Mart, the worst place on earth.

    2. I would like to point out that Steve Irwin, aka the crocodile hunter died (http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/TV/09/04/australia.irwin/index.html). He was stabbed through the chest by a sting ray. If I had been there I would have said “Wow Steve, chillin with sting rays seems like a really dangerous thing to do. Why don’t you go spend some quality time with your awfully named children, Bob and Bindi Sue?” And I’m certain he would have replied, “Crikey Evan! I pull insane stunts like this all the time. Dangerous and temperamental creatures of the wild love me. So bugger off.”
    And look at what became of him!
    So MAYBE you should listen to your old pal once in a while. K thx.

  5. magdalina Avatar
    magdalina

    just looking at those pictures made me nervous…

  6. Administrator Avatar
    Administrator

    For the record, my hat kicks ass.

    Tynan

  7. Alcibiades Avatar
    Alcibiades

    way the fuck nuts…

  8. Mo Avatar
    Mo

    What makes me nervous is whether or not the straps that are attached to the seat and the roof secure.

  9. Spin Avatar
    Spin

    Dude!! I’m coming over to swing! Awesome.

    BTW, crotch picture is great and is in my camera waiting to be emailed. However, camera is in New York. I should be able to get it by Wednesday.

    J

  10. athens Avatar
    athens

    That is insane.

    And I am jealous.

  11. Stewen Wright Avatar
    Stewen Wright

    The swing looks well constructed, yeah!

  12. Doug Avatar
    Doug

    You suck for not calling or txt’ing me.

  13. Saxony Avatar
    Saxony

    I don’t think you have a death wish so much as you think you are immortal. Either way….huge balls.

  14. Trilby Avatar
    Trilby

    Better than my boyfriend? Try: More Childish than my Husband! What is wrong with men, anyway?

  15. Ebony Avatar
    Ebony

    Yeah, we should all be as boring as your ass, Trilby.

    “Night swinging, deserves a quiet time…”

  16. chrisp Avatar
    chrisp

    That looks fun as hell, crazy, but fun as hell.

  17. Tom M. Avatar
    Tom M.

    That. Is. Awesome.

  18. Ryan Avatar
    Ryan

    Brilliant.

  19. Statcat Avatar
    Statcat

    The more dangerous it is, the more I approve.

  20. Foxygen Avatar
    Foxygen

    Oh wow. I feel nervous even looking at that. It’s really, really awesome.

    How is the seatbelt attached to the roof? I imagine seat belts would be tricky to tie properly since they’re generally slippery.

    Please reply (I.e. please don’t be hospitalised 😉

  21. James Avatar
    James

    Yeah man. That’s really friggen smart. Why don’t you have a few beers before going on the swing?

  22. scotty Avatar
    scotty

    is this in Austin?

  23. Administrator Avatar
    Administrator

    Yeah, it’s Austin

  24. TheReelDeal Avatar
    TheReelDeal

    It’s so bizare it’s cool. That would be awesome for late night.

  25. amish Avatar
    amish

    holy. fucking. shit.

  26. Kate. Avatar
    Kate.

    How many metres is that above the ground? I’ll bet the view is awesome…

  27. jehnstar Avatar
    jehnstar

    That’s badass idea! I feel the adrenalin flowing in my blood only from watching the pics.

  28. Arpit Avatar
    Arpit

    Damn..that is really scary…But what a thrill…wish I had the balls to pull it off.

  29. Amy Avatar
    Amy

    i thought your hat was hot. it made me think you were cute…. i don’t know why

  30. poorsod Avatar
    poorsod

    I am terrified looking at that.

    It is the coolest thing ever. (I proclaim that a lot; the previous coolest thing ever was an RC plane with flappy wings. An RC dragonfly, if you will.)

  31. mitch Avatar
    mitch

    IM TRYING THAT

  32. charmin Avatar
    charmin

    you should make a post on how to make your own swing. lol.

  33. Zlato Avatar
    Zlato

    110 percent GLORIOUS. Much better than what I thought the post would be about, i.e, wife-swapping.

  34. Brandon Avatar
    Brandon

    Tynan, was this in Austin?

    If so, email me.

  35. nicole Avatar
    nicole

    being that you lived in LA for a while, and wrote that book, i sooooo thought this article was going to be about something else. i will be there at the airport with bells on if you round the world this way again.

  36. Angel Avatar
    Angel

    I love it and I love your stories. They’re so…ME. I know we’d be great friends if we ever met haha.

    And wal-mart isn’t the worst place on earth Evan. Its AWESOME they have evrything ;D

    angel<3

  37. chris Avatar
    chris

    is this at the plaza on 5th?

  38. Tynan Avatar
    Tynan

    Yep. Good eye!

  39. chris Avatar
    chris

    thats absolutely crazy i was just on this rooftop a few months ago for a friend’s birthday party. do you know David who works for the ABC? lives on the 5th floor i think. he introduced me to your neighbor from the mel gibson story, unless someone else now lives in that condo. His drawing of Yoko ono by John Lenon is seriously the coolest thing ive ever seen. anyways thanks for answering, you’re an inspiration!

  40. Mike Avatar
    Mike

    Isn’t it amazing how a guy can be a genius and a total f$&@ing idiot at the same time 🙂

  41. Mind Avatar
    Mind

    I want one too. A BIGGER one ofcourse! (and higher)

  42. Rooster Avatar
    Rooster

    Woa. At first coming from you I thought this was going to be about the other kind of swinging. Haha. As always though, still good stuff.

  43. Eric Avatar
    Eric

    Wow, I like your style, Tynan. I can only imagine what people would say about me if I made a post about “night swinging.”

    Love it. Keep it up.

    -Eric

  44. Basia Avatar
    Basia

    i love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1i want to see if i can do it during my lifetime. this is definetly going to my bucket list.

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