I Am My Own Biggest Fan

OK, it’s confession time. I am a HUGE narcissist. I mean, obviously I think I’m the greatest, better than your boyfriend, etc. But at least that is all true beyond any doubt.

What I’m talking about today is different. I am my biggest fan. If I make a new song, I will listen to it for at least 24 hours on repeat. Often times I listen on my computer, then play it in the bathroom while I take a shower. When I’m in front of the mirror I lip sync and dance to my own music, imagining that I am performing it. Then after my shower I listen to it in the car while I drive.

Is this normal? Or at least healthy?

Usually I only listen to one of my songs on repeat. However, this trip I have been listening to Kristen, Mystery, and Better than your Boyfriend on shuffle. It’s almost like a drug. When the stewardesses make us put away our MP3 players, I get antsy because I want to hear myself sing “There’s a little bit of thug in everyone…”.

How weird is this? I KNOW I’m not as good as my other favorite rappers. It’s blatantly obvious. However, for some reason I still prefer listening to myself. Maybe it’s some sort of comfort thing because my voice is familiar. A lot of times I make new songs because I’ve listened to my old ones 1000 times and want variety.

And this isn’t even limited to music. I can’t tell you how many tmes I watched our Amazing Race application video on repeat. It clearly wasn’t even very good because we didn’t make it on the show. My survivor video was just me talking to a camera. I watched that well over 100 times.

I even read my own blog. If I’m bored, I go read stories I’ve written. Your guess is as good as mine as to how many times I’ve listened to my Tycast. It’s just me talking! Still, I couldn’t help but press play over and over again.

The only exception I can think of is pictures. I never like looking at pictures of myself for some reason. I think I look pretty good in real life and in video, but awful in pictures.

This has been on my mind for a while and seems pretty weird to me. Is anyone else like this with their music / videos / writing?

Published

10 comments

  1. Well, you certainly don’t have any self-confidence issues…or do you? I’m no bespeckled psychologist, but I’m sure Freud, when not getting lusty about incest, might take such as overbearing. But I’m in the hard sciences, so whateva.

    However, as a PUA, or rather, as a man, one has to have such a confidence. Like Tucker Max said, “Confidence Bordering On Hubris.” I’m sure this can slip into audio narcissism.

    I’ve noticed how it affects one though. I stopped thinking about myself in a negative light; actually, stopped thinking about myself at all, just the things I was doing. In the same day, without intending to, I got the numbers of a young ‘HB’ and what can only be descibed as a MILF. Numbers mean nothing, but I was working at the time and it was a suprise. We’ll see how it lasts on the day twos.If that’s how not thinking about yourself negatively works, I look forward to narcissism.

    Enough about me; there must be a reason you even mentioned this narcissism. Are you worried about it? Is it harming you? Keeping you from obtaining happiness otherwise?

    IMHO

  2. Hey Catmints,

    I’m not worried about it… I just think it’s really interesting and sorta strange. I’m curious to know if everyone is like this and there’s a reason for it. Maybe we sounds like our parents, and that’s soothing because of anchors from childhood or something.

  3. Usually when I listen to something I record, I am critical of it, because I am always trying to be better. Rather then enjoy it, id keep focusing on the things I didnt like. For that reason, I tend to only listen a few times.

  4. It’s funny, because I listen to your audio tracks on repeat too… maybe it’s just because they’re so awesome? ^_^

  5. Hey… I just started reading your blog, so like, this one was the first one I’ve ever read and it’s funny cause I write my own music and I totally love listening to myself and I’m always checking myself out in a mirrior or a reflection if one isn’t on hand… This is incredible, you’re like the male version of me- name and all… and where can I get your music??

  6. I think it’s probably a good thing. It just shows pride in your work, I guess, and you should be proud of it since you’ve put a lot of time and effort into it. Also, all those things–songs, writings, videos, are personal things and so going back through them probably is a way of getting to know yourself a little better. I have a friend who makes videos and as for me I used to write a lot and we both go back through old stuff of ours often and pick up on things that we hardly noticed or thought about while we were actually filming/writing it. I think that even if it is a little excessive it’s better to be overly comfortable with reviewing your old movies/writings/songs than to avoid it altogether.

    But what do I know?

    (I know you hate Lord of the Rings, so I put this name for kicks)

  7. I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. Listening to yourself for enjoyment or to improve a track is perfectly fine. Hell, I could sit around all day and listen to myself play guitar or watch old soccer videos.

  8. I marwel at my own creations years after they are done cos they are done PERFECTLY, just the way I like it (like the car im going to tune up). So it means your music is perfect for you, also your writing (I read my old stuff and it is great:) It only shows great alligement in what you like and what you are capabol of making. Just be criticall about it and make it a growing experience, like fixing minor mistakes n shit.

  9. Hi, I wanted to reply to something besides the polyphasic thing because I’m a logophile and we can’t bear to appear one-dimensional. So I will proffer assurances that either a) you’re normal or b) you’re no weirder than me, which you may take as as comforting as you like. 😉 I get obsessed with my own writing; I’ve reread emails and blog-entries hundreds of times, I surf my “sent” folders, and when I get antsy I break open my mammoth collection of poetry and read until the pooling saliva shorts my keyboard.

    But no, it’s nothing like masturbation. Except insofar as that it’s normal, heh.

    -K*

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *