It’s more than halfway through the year, which means I’m overdue for an update on my dating situation. If you’re just tuning in now, I took three years off dating with the intention of looking for a serious relationship, starting January 1st 2015.
Thanks to an introduction from a reader, I met a fantastic girl who I dated for a little over four months. I don’t want to say too much about the relationship, mainly because I don’t think she wants to be splashed around the blog. I will say that I think that the blame for us not working out falls squarely on my shoulders, and while I think that breaking up was the right decision, I’m certainly not sure.
If I’m honest, my motivation to date is really low. It’s one thing to declare it as my first priority, and it’s another for it to actually be the driving force in my life. It’s definitely not.
Something critical I’ve realized through my re-entry to dating is that I’d rather be single than date someone I’m not extremely excited about. Just finding someone I’m excited enough about to go on a first date is very difficult. I’ve never actually met someone through a cold approach who I thought could be a long-term partner, and my online dating screen leaves me about half a dozen girls in any major city.
So, overall, it feels like a very inefficient process. I’m not giving up or tapping out, but I’m trying to face my reality and think about what adjustments I can make.
Another obstacle between me and dating is that I really like being single. I never feel alone, lonely, bored, or unfulfilled. This, unfortunately, can deter me from putting in the effort to make a relationship work, or giving girls the benefit of the doubt on a date. My first thought is, “If I don’t go on a second date, I get another night to work or see my friends…”
So my current strategy is to do online dating stuff in my spare time. When I’m in line at the airport, I swipe left and right. I answer OKCupid messages when I check my email. When friends try to set me up, I say yes. Maybe that’s enough that I’ll meet someone fantastic, or maybe it will happen in my everyday life. Or maybe I’ll come up with a better strategy in the next few months.
That’s where I’m at. I wish I had much more exciting news, but the truth is that my low level of motivation and my being extremely picky has made this a difficult process. I’m not discouraged, though. I’ve dated a lot of amazing people, so I do seem to find them somehow. And, if not, I think I could die single at 90 and not have a regret in the world.
Photo is a puerh mini tuo cha.
Still open to being introduced to people through blog readers… prize still applies.