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Hello. If you're my mom, please don't read this. My mom once decided to venture out onto this site and randomly chose an article called I'm Pregnant to read. That happened to be the only non-mom-friendly post. This is another one, so I'm giving you fair warning, mom.
Once up on a time in a land not too far away I had a lady friend who was also into the ladies. We'll call her Simone. We were watching a lot of "Girls Next Door", the show about the Playboy Mansion, and we decided that it would be pretty awesome to have a three way relationship. So our quest began. We went out to clubs a couple times but had a lot of trouble finding a girl we both liked. We'd talk about finding another girl from time to time, but didn't make much progress.
Then one day she meets a girl named Ariel. She's an adorably cute half Asian girl with a knack for saying hilarious inappropriate things. For example, she went through an entire Teen Vogue and shared with us her guesses on the condition of various celebrities' "downstairs situations". Descriptions ranged from pristine with rainbows shooting out to looking like rotten pumpkins (Beyonce).
Simone and Ariel started dating and spending a lot of time together.
"So... do you think she'll be the third girl?"
My recent war that I've been waging has been against stuff. For a while (and by that I mean since 7th grade), I've produced my own income and spent most of it on things from the internet. I've talked about this before so I won't bore you with the laundry lists of my posessions.
Then when I sold my house in North Austin, I was faced with the prospect of moving all that stuff. My most financially productive years were while I lived there, so I bought a ton of stuff. During that period of collection it never occurred to me that I would eventually move. My garage as well as one of the bedrooms in the house because warehouses for my things.
When I moved, I took a pretty extreme approach. I went through every item in the house and made a decision - either I needed it or not. If it was worth more than $50 or so I sold it. If it was worth less than that I put it in a bedroom. If it was worth less than $5-10 I donated it or threw it away. I posted my address on craigslist and let people go into the bedroom and take all that they wanted. Within a few hours the bulk of my stuff was taken away.
I wasn't going to write this story because I think it was a super crappy thing for me to do and I'm not particularly proud of it. Then I told the story to a friend the other day and cracked up so much that I realized I had to write it.
Many years ago, when I was still in college, I was perhaps even more prone to prankery than I am now. I sat at a friends house, bored, playing with the stupid utilities that came with all Macintosh computers. One of them was the text to speech application. After the obligatory profanities, I got down to business. I called Pizza Hut and tried to type fast enough to carry on a conversation. It wasn't quite doable. The clerk on the other end got frustrated and eventually, with an air of resignation, said, "Ma'am (it was a woman's voice on the program), do you just want a pizza for free?".
I cackled with glee (not synthesized) and gave a phony address. My friends and I laughed and rejoiced until we realized that our trophy was sent to someone else's house. Then we felt cheated.
I used to lie a lot when I was a kid. I wasn't intent on deceiving people, but for some reason I would just tell made up stories. They weren't even fantastic stories, they were just things that hadn't happened. I really have no idea why I did it.
One day I was hanging out with my friend Ryan and his family. We had just gone to a movie and were driving back to his house. Right as we were driving down his street I told a story to everyone in the car. I don't remember the story, but I remember it had something to do with cabinets. Hey, it was a long time ago.
Ryan's mother innocently asked a question that began with, "Wait... if you did that, then how could you have..."
Nothing fancy today. There are a bunch of things I do that are fairly unique but probably wouldn't ever come up on this site. Maybe some of them will give you ideas, or maybe you'll just think I'm weird.
We grow up being told what to do and what not to do and can't wait until we're adults and can do whatever we want. When we finally get there, there are new people like bosses, cool people on TV, and the government who try to tell us what to do again.
I don't mind getting into a little trouble here and there, so I tend to push the envelope a bit. However, even if you want to stay on the right side of the law, here are a few things that you probably THINK you have to do, but don't really.
Have any more to add? Put them in the comments and I'll add good ones here!
Right now I'm sitting at Casa De Luz waiting for my friend to get here. I'm using a cool wireless card from Sprint, which is my main internet connection now. For those of you who are nerds, I downloaded at 160k/sec while driving in my car. Pretty wild.
Anyway, sorry for not writing frequently lately. I've been a little burnt out I guess. Today I did something a bit different and I recorded myself reading the first chapter of the best kids book in the land. As I mention in the recording, this book is pretty much responsible for me being who I am. If you want to ensure that your kids don't come out like me, definitely don't let them read this book.
There's actually a whole series. I think that the chapter I read is one of the less interesting ones, but I chose it because it's first and I'm one of those people who hates spoilers of any kind.
Now that I'm #1 on Google for my name, I've been getting more people to the site searching for that. Many of them share my name, which is awesome.
My parents chose the name out of a name book randomly. They wanted me to have a name that had no previous associations with anyone else. It's Irish, although I'm not Irish at all.
The dark side of having a unique name is that I missed out on a whole side of consumerism. I never had a little license plate or keychain with my name on it. Those were reserved for people with more common names.
I hate Paypal. In the early days of gambling I used Paypal to send money to casinos, and Paypal would occasionally screw me over. They held all deposits to casinos for 30 days so that if the casino went under, players wouldn't get screwed. That was nice of them.
One time I deposited $10k and a casino went under. They never gave me any money despite a number of calls and e-mails. Oh well.
I use paypal when I absolutely have to, and that's it. Google checkout came along, and I was happy about that. I like Adwords, Adsense is ok, Search is awesome, etc. I figure with their "Don't be evil" motto, I'd have nothing to worry about.
If any one thing defines me, besides supreme awesomeness and authentic gangsta flavor, I'd say that it's my materialistic bent. The fact of the matter is that I usually love buying things. I love finding the best deals, I love buying the best of things (yeah, sorry... had to put that project on hold for a minute). There have been weeks where I've gotten a package every single day. Check part of my intro in the game :
In his spare time - which was basically all his time - he explored caves, recorded extremely catchy rap songs, and surfed the Internet for unusual items to buy and then never use.
It's true too. I have a $500 fountain pen. I don't even handwrite anything ever. I have three japanese LED watches, one watch with a GPS, another that tracks my sleep patterns, another that monitors my heart, and I don't wear a watch. I have the best toaster in the world (Dualit), the same one the queen uses. I use that a few times a year.