Aight mate.
The first thing I'd say is that it reads much like every other fucking crappy pickup book / make money fast / be awesome eBook advert out on the internet or over on eBay. This is probably fine, because you've done a very effective job at what I feel are some key things, as I'll explain below, and after all, there's a reason they're all like that, and that's that it works. However, I, personally, would be more attracted to something a little bit more distinctive and individual, to make it stick in my memory a little more, to make me think next time I get rejected "hey, there was that awesome looking eBook online that I should get". Video clips of a pickup? Sample pages? I don't know what to suggest to be honest, I'll think about it as I have way too much free time.
Something that sticks in my mind, and I can't remember where I found it, was a video of Style, pre transformation, doing fucking geeky standup, and being lame, ugly, and terrible all at once. That really stuck in my head.
Here are my comments. Good and bad mixed in together.
1) You've targeted, almost verbatim, exactly the kind of people who will stumble across this and decide to buy. "Computer Geeks". "Too shy". "Buying a lottery ticket". Brilliant. Not only have you built a rapport with them quite early in the piece, but by suggesting that you've gone from being one of them to being the PUA that you are, be it true or not, you've got their attention immediately.
2) Ramble Ramble Ramble. It seems a bit long. However, the way you break it up, use attention grabbing headlines and highlight key points counterbalances this.
3) Testimonials. More people with less to say would be ideal, in my opinion. Just three long winded testimonials gives the impression that you've got some friends to write some stuff and passed it off as "Look what 'everyone' is saying". The juxtaposition between the bullet pointed testimonials and the prose ones, and also the fact that the last two testimonials have names and locations, but the first doesn't, is jarring. The first one seems to be in a totally different style to the other two. If it's a book review by someone legit, frame it as such. If it's not, frame it the same way as the other two testimonials.
I'm not quite sure about the mugshots either. The first guy looks about 14 and a bit comical, the second guy is fine, he looks like a real bruiser, and the third guy... the photo is terrible. Perhaps this is the point. Perhaps you're trying to say "these guys aren't really, really attractive, but they can now get women thanks to the book", but for me the mugshots kind of broke my concentration.
Also go over the testimonials and correct their punctuation, grammar, syntax, capitalization etc.
3) I Will NOT Teach You How to Manipulate Women. This is a good section.
4) The money back guarantees sound almost too good to be true, but I can't really think of any way of making them sound as legit as they are. This shouldn't really be an issue.
5) I thought it was hilarious when I signed up for the free bootcamp, because your page started calling me Scarfo. I can't decide whether it would be an awesome or rubbish name to use as a PUA, but anything is better than Ben.
So yeah, I think it's really good in all. Congratulations and all that. Just fix the testimonials, so they meet the standard set by the rest of the page, and we're rockin'.