At first, when I started reading, I thought, "WTF?! This guy is NUTS." But you managed to sway me...and now I kind of wish you'd gotten that penguin. It's cool that Costco actually took the pool back...they're mad awesome like that. But I can't help feeling disappointed that you never got a living breathing penguin to call Magellan. And your sister couldn't even buy you a little stuffed penguin?? That's cold, man. I say we all start a fund called "Buy Tynan A Penguin." And get lots of publicity. OOOH!! YOU SHOULD GO ON THE LATE SHOW!! Yes! And tell David Letterman about the Penguin Shenanigans. Yes. That is what you should do.