LOL Wonderful job! Very funny and quite entertaining reading. I'm sorry that you got your hopes up about the penguin, and I want to say absolutely, positively, do NOT try to get a polar bear. (Not that you could, due to Federal regulations and local "dangerous animal" laws prohibiting owning them.) Certain species are considered endangered for a reason... Donate to help them - don't try to take them from their natural environments. But again, this is a really great read. Thank you for sharing. :-)