Tynan.com

The Ladies’ Room

Ok, serious question here: what would happen if I started habitually using the ladies’ room? I’m sitting at JFK airport right now, and I just went to the men’s bathroom. It’s filthy. I mean filthy filthy.

Some of the displays of filth are so bad that I can only assume people have never used toilets before. Everything is in the wrong place.

I don’t understand how it happens. Are these accidents? Do people enjoy displaying their work for the next guy?

The bottom line is that I NEVER contribute to the overall disgusting nature of bathrooms. Why should I have to deal with it every time I have to go to the bathroom in a public place? Until they segregate the mens’ bathrooms into “normal people” and “weirdo freaks who poop on the floor”, I am seriously considering switching to the womens’ bathroom.

I don’t have too much experience with womens’ bathrooms. A couple times I’ve gone in after hours or accidentally gone in the wrong door (actually, I don’t know that that’s happened, but I have somehow been in their bathrooms during the day before), and the bathrooms are unbelievable. They are sparkling clean and have couches! WOW!

I would totally duck into the bathroom if it meant that I could sit on the couch and hang out with some ladies in a pristine environment.

So, needless to say, I have the motivation and sense of entitlement to make the switch over to womens’ bathrooms. The question is : “are the ladies ready for me?”

I don’t really know. I don’t know if I could go in and everything would be normal, or if there would be shrieks, yells, and an angry group of hotties tazing me to death while coating me with pepper spray.

What do you guys think? Have you ever used the womens’ restroom? Ladies, what would you do if you found yourself washing hands next to a handsome young gentleman in a sequinned hat?

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25 responses to “The Ladies’ Room”

  1. Vince Avatar
    Vince

    If anyone asks, you haven’t had your final surgery yet.. So you’re technically still required to use the womens bathroom..

    Reply
  2. Ebony Avatar
    Ebony

    I’ll often see women in the men’s room at crowded places and, funny enough, the guys never seem to have a problem with it. Turnabout is is fair play.

    Reply
  3. Hawt Avatar
    Hawt

    I’ve done it before by accident. Especially in clubs or other countries that have cheesy names in place of “Men” and “Women”.

    Most of the time they just look at you and expect you to turn around but I just head into my stall. Sometimes they call after me and say “This is the ladies room” but I just reply with “I know.”

    It’s not something I do purposely but when it happens I just act normal about it and I haven’t been pepper sprayed or tased yet.

    Reply
  4. Franklin Avatar
    Franklin

    There have been times I’ve been put in the same sitch (sic). Just don’t make it a big deal, and most chicks won’t care.

    If you start getting looks, though (mostly happens with older lady-types), then the key to not looking like an asshole is this: keep a straight face. No matter how funny their reaction might be, you’ll only look like a jerk idiot if you make a joke out of it.

    Oh, and don’t listen to Vince–I hear he’s a real pansy.

    Reply
  5. Stewen Wright Avatar
    Stewen Wright

    Chicks in clubs often go to the man bathrooms, even forming lines like its theyr right to go to man’s bathrooms. Ehj try the opposite and they yell and nag, thats not right. Geez I ought to make a standup about this 🙂

    Reply
  6. LadyTea Avatar
    LadyTea

    I often use the men’s restroom when necessary. Of course if it’s gross I’ll just walk out– Funny you mention this, just the other night I was at a cirque du soleil show and there was an enormous line to the women’s bathroom, maybe 100 women, and 5 in the men’s line — the lines were right next to each other — i got in the men’s line, some women laughed and the guys thought it was funny as well — and then within 5 minutes — girls had formed behind me — we turned both lines into unisex bathrooms (they were just portable “restrooms”). Anyway — i think it’s a great idea — and you should make it a habit- might even meet your future wife..

    Reply
  7. Ira Avatar
    Ira

    A while back I was at the Magnolia on S. Congress and every damn time I tried to go to the men’s room, someone was in there.

    I sat and waited at least twice, but I wanted to actually be able to converse with my dad over the meal, so I gave up after a while both times.

    When I finally went back just as someone was coming out and someone else (who had been waiting) went in, I waited (again) and then gave up and used the ladies’.

    My point is, these are single-person restrooms. WHY did I have any compunction about using the ladies’ in the first place??

    We’re so conditioned.

    I say break free!!

    Reply
  8. B-Runn Avatar
    B-Runn

    Ya know as gross as the men’s room can be, I had a job as a janitor one summer freshman year at a mall and I found 9 times outta 10 the girls bathroom was way grosser than the mens. Mainly because it seemed like some girls don’t think its necessary to throw away their feminine products. So as gross as the men’s room can be, the girls can be an eye-opener into a side of women most men don’t wanna know.

    Reply
  9. Russell Crosswy Avatar
    Russell Crosswy

    I really gotta stop reading this while I eat breakfast…

    Reply
  10. Hu_Hefner Avatar
    Hu_Hefner

    Two words: Grand Unified Restroom Theory

    Reply
  11. Caroline Avatar
    Caroline

    Hmmmm…yeah, the problem with men using the women’s restroom is that women (hold onto your hats)poo too. Sorry, someone had to say it. I guarentee if a woman had to poo, she would not go in the men’s room, and if a man came into the women’s room while she was taking care of business, she will throw a giant hissy fit or feel so ashamed that she will camp in the bathroom for hours. That’s why women are all “tee-hee-hee” when they go to the men’s room, because they don’t mind if you hear them pee.

    And I agree that the women’s restroom is disgusting too. Keep in mind that women aren’t just “tinkling” and reaplying lipstick in there. There may not be poo on the floor, but there can be blood in the toilet and urine all over the seats, a failed attempt at trying to squat and aim rather than sit down.

    Reply
  12. Kristen Avatar
    Kristen

    The ladies room is only cleaner than the mens room when you’re at some swanky joint. No one brings their kids to nice resturaunts. If a couple has toddlers or infants, it is ALWAYS the mother who escorts it to the restroom; therefore, they always use the ladies room. What’s more disgusting, babies or men?

    It’s kind of a close call…

    Reply
  13. Tynan Avatar
    Tynan

    Oh god… cancel that whole idea. I’ll hold it.

    Reply
  14. jlaix Avatar
    jlaix

    My cats just piss in the neighbor’s yard. Think about it.

    -jlaix

    Reply
  15. LadyTea Avatar
    LadyTea

    that’s soo true jlaix, lol my cat never misses making her morning stroll across the street to the neighbors yard — another reason to have cats and not dogs

    Reply
  16. frodo baggins Avatar
    frodo baggins

    i had a “friend” who pushed me into the girls bathroom during high school in the main hallway so a lot of people saw it. the girls in the bathroom didn’t seem to concerned about it. i believe one made the comment “a little lost, are we?” and one of my teachers who saw it happen thought of me as a pervert from then on. (i WAS pushed, but that seem to matter).

    on the other hand, when i used to work the “graveyard shift” at a hotel, i would always use the womens’ restroom because it was so much cleaner and hardly anyone ever checked into the hotel around 3 a.m. so i never got caught. good luck with your decision.

    Reply
  17. Ryan Avatar
    Ryan

    Regarding airport bathrooms:

    I have a feeling I’ll regret disclosing my airport bathroom secret, but whatever:

    Find the “Family” restroom.

    Every airport has several of them, and they are completely private. Look for the non-descript door located near the general restrooms. It is a one-holer-bathroom with a lockable door that is almost always available.

    For those interested, this is the best place in an airport to smoke your cigarettes, or whatever *ahem*.

    Just make sure you’re prepared for the shame that comes with leaving a smoke filled “Reserved For Families” restroom, when there is a family waiting right outside as you leave.

    Ryan

    Reply
  18. Magnus Avatar
    Magnus

    I use the Ladies toilet all the time.

    At the RSD Seminar 2004 there were fifty guys lining up for the toilet and no girls in the whole conference centre. So I took a noisy and smelly dump in there.

    If there are two toilets in a restaurant, one marked male and one marked female, and the male is in Engaged, I’ll use the ladies rather than wait. I’m very careful to leave the seat down.

    Reply
  19. Todd Avatar
    Todd

    in soviet russia, restroom uses you

    Reply
  20. Croc Avatar
    Croc

    That sounds like a good idea. And hey if the universal bathroom catches on, they’ll start putting them into people’s homes.

    Reply
  21. Spin Avatar
    Spin

    I’ve used the ladies room several times without knowing it. I have a very high IQ. Yet, I seem to miss things like the little woman sign on the door and other small details like that. Guess I’m always too busy thinking about developing power (tony robbins addict), physics or business ideas to notice little things like signs on doors, women at the sink, etc. Anyway, I generally figure it out when I don’t see any urinals and I’m like “WTF! Where are the urinals” then I play it off like I’m not shocked out of my head and hit the stall. I generally get only a minor comment and lots of strange looks.

    Reply
  22. auridicyl Avatar
    auridicyl

    Ah, you think of the couches as nice, but wait’ll you see this fellow’s idea of what’s in a ladies’ room! http://www.rudecactus.com/archives/001973.html

    I especially liked the puddle of pee in the men’s room, but apparently there should be some logs floating in it as well…

    Reply
  23. Murphy Avatar
    Murphy

    Its retarded when they only have two toilets like Magnus says but then insist on labelling one ladies and one gents.

    Who cares andway Tynan the toilets are not some sort of lounge area. Just take your slash and get out. I really wish women wouldn’t use it as one either its just annoying.

    Reply
  24. Why not Avatar
    Why not

    It’s funny, I guess I’m like most people, using the wrong washroom is a sort of forbidden thing so it’s a turn on. I have slipped into the ladies room quite a few times and honestly, I don’t see how they are much cleaner. I don’t think it would be a big deal if they were unisex. It could be set up so it was fun too, put a “no privacy” area right in the middle and private stalls on the sides or something. Funny story about this stuff, I was camping one time and got up early in the morning, had a shower, shave etc while standing in my towel only. The next day I discovered I used the ladies room and didn’t know it…yikes. But the bottom line is it wasn’t a big deal when I didn’t know it, it’s just the way we where brought up.

    Reply
  25. Tom Avatar
    Tom

    My wife and I were in Italy train station. We didn’t know when our next connecting train would arrive so to avoid being caught short we quickly searched for the toilets. My wife found it and told me to go first, I went in and found it to be the ladies and promptly came out and told my wife. Not to miss our train she said just go so in I went. Two ladies were washing their hands who saw me but didn’t care. I did my pee washed my hands next to another lady who also didn’t mind me being there.

    Reply

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