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Consistency is the Hard Part

The one thing I consistently fail to account for when planning trips, especially shorter ones, is the disruption it will cause to my routine. For over a hundred days in a row, I wrote a blog post every day, did a Chinese lesson, worked on SETT, and a few other things for which I hold myself accountable.

I went to Peru for ten days, and although I started off strong, jamming in the blog post and Chinese lessons on my flights and bus ride to the Andes, once I started hiking I stopped doing those things. No real foul there, because breathing and walking had become difficult first priorities. When I got back to civilization, still in Peru, I resumed working hard on SETT, but I stopped doing Chinese lessons. I was practicing Spanish every day, though, so that made it okay. I wrote a monster blog post about Peru and sort of let myself coast on that. After all, it was a lot longer than my average post.

I got back to San Francisco and had only a week before I was going to Mexico. That week was great. I felt bad about being off schedule, so I used that as motivation to get back on. I rated three of those days as As and four as Bs, which is a pretty solid week. Next there are ten days completely missing from my schedule. I remember them, though. I worked on SETT every day while I was in Mexico, at a reduced capacity, as expected. I did a couple Chinese lessons, but was speaking Spanish, and fell behind on blog posts. Maybe I wrote four during those ten days.

Again, I got back and got back on schedule, but this time with less consistency. One day I gave myself an F and didn't even write any notes on the day. A few others I got Ds. There are As and Bs, too, but not as many as there should be.

Being a free agent

On Words & threads

In the past month, I've spent more time doing abnormal things than my regular day to day life's events normally take on. I went across the country, I went to a music festival in the desert, I've neglected my schoolwork, I just watched TV all day, I partied in a wedding dress, I almost quit my job, I've enjoyed myself, and I've not written or sewn anything in weeks. It's been beautiful- but the highs have been balanced by some new negatives. It's been weird.

I've noticed that when I'm thrown off my trajectory, these new habits form and I kind of forget why I chose the things I do as important or fulfilling and let them slip away into the void of other things I'm not doing. For example, missing school allowed me to forget about my laptop's existence, and thus I stopped updating myself on the news and writing on my blog. But being mobile, my phone has eaten up so much of my time. While I know the valuable things to do on the internet are beyond the scope of social media, I've found myself wasting time on the Facebook profiles of people attending my university next year- when I've admitted before that I don't think online perceptions can equate to anything near interpersonal.

In short, my intentions and my minute actions don't match up.

Last night, I helped my sister write a philosophy paper on the concept of free will and the "meshing" of your moral obligations, desires to learn, and personal intuitions/addictions together to create the actions- and therefore if the individual is ever really "free" to make a choice. On one hand, helping her write this college paper made me remember that I actually enjoy academics and that this was enjoyable- and then it also called to mind my own misguided and "meshed" up habits. Am I addicted to wasting time- and why can't my intellectual and personal drive for self betterment override that?

What I have drawn from this is that my priorities matter and I must keep that at a high place in my consciousness if I want to spend my days as I want. It's not enough to be driven by the big picture- and the little picture cannot always be the stable, mundane schedule that I've regulated my life upon (and I wouldn't want it that way anyway).

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