I want to make something clear. Crystal clear. I am in no way obligated to write this post, and it's not being written under duress. And also Taryn totally didn't hold a knife against my throat today. Or any other day. That never happened. With that in mind, I present to you the top 5 reasons Taryn is better than your girlfriend.
Number 5 - She cleaned my kitchen! I thought that this was impossible. I'd made two solid attempts, and while I did chip away at the skyscrapers of pots and pans, more took their places later. In about an hour or so, she totally cleaned it and it now looks fantastic.
Number 4- She did a crapload of laundry (dammit! I forgot to hang up that last load - I TOLD YOU!). Now for those of you who know me in real life, you can stop wondering why I keep wearing the same shirt every other day. For those of you who know me REALLY well in real life, you can stop wondering why I'm wearing the same underwear every day.
Number 3- Two manicures in 8 days! The silver nails are back and I'm psyched about it. She does a really good job too. The first manicure even involved a hand massage, which was really pleasant.
Number 2- I have someone to watch the O.C. with! My friends are generally individuals with excellent taste. However, none of them like the O.C. except for my brother Devon. There's nothing sadder than me lying in the theater alone sobbing because Marissa and Ryan broke up again. Man... I get all misty just thinking about it.
Number 1- Not to be anticlimatic or anything, but I can't think of any more reasons. Taryn's a cool girl with some hardcore looking tattoos, but really she's just a teddy bear. She lied about getting in a knife fight and I totally believed her. Maybe that's reason number one.
Anyway, she's moving to New York and wants a live in boyfriend. I'll vouch for her being awesome at cleaning and stuff, and I'm sure she's a demon in the sack as well. How can you go wrong with that? If you're in New York and can make a mess for her to clean, comment and she'll get in touch with you maybe.