Fluid as can be

Wow, love this post. I had the same crisis when I stopped being vegan about a year and a half ago. And you hit the nail on the head. Veganism defined me to everyone. But I've grown so much since letting self imposed boundaries define who I am. I still stick to things like no alcohol and drugs and thats important to me. But everyone knew me as The Vegan. It feels so good to shed labels.

Everyone wants to kiss your _____ and tell you how eight you are.

I can't do that for you. To give you permission or approval for your evident teetering on the verge of a mental breakdown, would do mire harm than good.
Positive feedback is what would be more up to speed with the mind virus I would wish to catch.

David DeAngelo would say, "Look past what is said, to find out what is really going on."

Reading your spirit, one can see you are down in the dumps at this time.

You seem to be exactly the same character AND SAME LOOK IN THE FACE AND STYLE as my oldest brother whom just turned 30, Oct. 8th, and still is a child, looking for the world to hand him something because he didn't get everything he thought you should have for free like other RICHER, MORE PROMINENT INDIVIDUALS....

"Don't compare yourself to others."

It will only bring envy.

So, he goes around as a user bamboozeler.

After a certain amount of years, it just doesn't work anymore him. He's too old and too ugly you get away with that shit. He lies and says he is 24, so people don't loom down on him.

It would seem I now what to make you another sequinced hat, Bra.

I'm sorry for your loss.

You you two be reunited in the Kingdom of Heaven, in all of God's new splendid glory HE has for you and your sequince hat.

I would like to exchange links with your site tynan.net
Is this possible?

Both this and the previous topic mesh uniquely. They remind me of something a friend of mine told me years ago in high school. He said 'anyone who sees the world the same at 20 and 40 wasted half his life.' I suddenly realized that I had a skewed sense of integrity. I had thought that because I didn't let others change my ideas I had integrity. But how could integrity be both a good thing and prevent growth? It can't. Allowing your identity to change is integral to growth. (You see what I did there? with the words? Ya...) Fluidity of identity, as you put it, is actually a sign of integrity. It shows that you put sincere thought into the values that you care about. When you do that, the expression of your values naturally evolves.

Great post. At the same time I think it is important to have a core being. What exactly this is made up of is hard to say.

What I mean is that, you may be pretty, you may be athletic, you may be academic...but all of that can change in a second so you can't let that become a central part of your being. But you do not some kind of core of power to inject into whatever you may be engaging in.

The real question is can you extract the most simple and positive essence of various things you might engage in, from sports to learning a language, and then make that a part of your central core without the activity itself?

"But steadfast adherence to an identity is a sign of cowardice."

Well said. Pride is an important component of confidence, but one cannot build a healthy sense of identity on pride alone. Personally, my disdain for even considering to borrow money from family (even during my short stay in college) has hindered more than it's helped.

I really like this post because it's exactly what I've been grappling with constantly in the past year. Whitman I think said, I am large enough to be contradictory.

I also share your key values which I imagine most of your readers do too.

There's a lot of work and difficulty involved in shifting identities though. You build a nice niche and depth in your skill set and to start anew in a new field is scary as hell. Especially when you were so good at your past one.

It seems to me that people tend to build delusional beliefs about themselves and the world in general around their identities. They then cling to these beliefs as strongly as they cling to their own identity because the belief supports the identity. Any attack on the belief is an indirect attack on their own identity.

I try to avoid identifying myself with anything and I watch for identity statements that I make that may signal that I have an identity issue ("I am ___")

All of the examples you brought involve what others think of you and how you seem to be in their eyes. In other words, the external identity or image you have in other people's eyes.

-- Arik