I've noticed that a lot of times when I do something and I wonder for a moment if it was the best choice or not, I tend to come to the conclusion that I don't regret it, so it must be good. For example, I was debating whether a week or so of sharply diminished productivity was an acceptable cost to go hike around the mountains in Peru.
My first instinct, with the Peru situation, amongst aothers, is to say, "Well, I had an awesome time, learned some good stuff, and had a great experience, so it was the right decision." But does that actually really mean that it was a good decision?
I'm really happy with my life and what I'm doing, so therefore I don't regret any decision I've made. The implication is that even though I didn't make every decision absolutely correctly, everything worked out for the best. To support this idea, I can think of one cool thing that happened, or one really great person I met, and work backwards through the improbable series of choices I made that led me there.
The more I think about it, the less stock I put into these sorts of thought patterns. Rather than reflecting the objective reality of decisions, I think that they reflect my optimistic nature. Really bad things can happen to me, and I'm still happy. Some circuit in my brain finds happiness and then weaves all past events into a narrative that supports that happiness: "If I didn't have hundreds of thousands of gambling profits stolen, I wouldn't have become a writer and put out a few books. Therefore I'm glad that I lost that money."
So although I think that this thinking is the result of a really healthy and good mental attitude, it's important to separate the gratitude and acceptance of events from the objective truth of them. It's better to say that I'm not glad that I lost all that money, but I'm still happy, unphased, and ready to push forward undeterred.
Why does this matter? Because if I look at the past through rose-tinted glasses, I'm not very likely to learn from my mistakes. In fact, I'm not very likely to even acknowledge them as mistakes. Coming back to the Peru example, I think that a really clear way to look at it is to say that I had an amazing time in Peru, I'm grateful for all that I gained by going, but that probably those benefits aren't enough to justify taking trips like that while my attention is needed by SETT. That doesn't diminish my happiness or experiences, but it does prepare me better for making similar decisions in the future.
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Photo is a classic example of a mountainselfie from the hike in question.
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A couple months ago I was minding my own business, reading a book, about to go to sleep. I give twitter one last check on my phone and see a message from my friend Jenna telling me of a deal to go to Lima, Peru for $380 round trip. I have no particular reason to go to Peru, but I decide to start booking it and make the decision as I go through the steps. The deal is about to go-- it's disappearing from different booking sites one by one. Hey, might as well go, I think. For how long? Well, I can't think of anything off the top of my head in Peru besides Machu Picchu (which I already decided I had to see before I died), so I play it safe and book eight days, figuring that will give me enough time for Machu Picchu and maybe one or two other things.
After booking, I begin to do a little research. The thing to do is the Inca trail, which is a four day hike from the Cusco area to Machu Picchu. You have to go with a tour group, and you have to book far in advance. I booked too late for that. The standard alternative is the Salkantay trek, which is typically a five day trek. It's harder than Inca and has better natural scenery, but no ruins along the way and doesn't lead directly to Machu Picchu like Inca does. I try to find a good tour group going there, but none of the published dates fit into my short window in Peru. Fine, I think, I'll just go solo.
I order a lightweight tent, sleeping bag, and mattress pad, and that's the extent of my planning for over a month. With a week before I leave, I figure I ought to see if I need train or bus tickets. That's when I learn that Cusco is almost 24 hours away from Lima by bus, and that getting to the trail from Cusco takes several hours as well. Long story short, it looks impossible for me to Salkantay. But I've had it in my head for a month now that I'm going to do it, so I don't give up easily. Finally I find a way I can take a bus to Arequipa near the end, and then take a flight from there to Lima just in time to catch my flight. The problem is that this leaves me only about 3 days to do the trek, and less than 24 hours to acclimatize.
A week later, my trip begins. I'm overjoyed when my tent stakes make it through TSA security. Actually getting to the hiking trail is contingent on several fairly unlikely assumptions, the first of which is that the titanium stakes will make it through. The flight to Lima is long, but I somehow manage to get an exit row seat to Panama, and a whole row to myself to Lima. I get the best plane sleep I've ever had.
So many people these days aren't happy, and frankly I don't know why anymore. Maybe its the paradox of being active, they don't want to work, and thus never get involved or immersed in something, making them become jaded and feel empty. Or maybe, its the much more common case of what I call SIBS=Self Imposed Bullshit.
One day when I was young I remember reading somewhere that a doctor found that 30 to 50% of all patients at a hospital weren't really sick, but rather they were "placeboing" themselves into being sick. In other words, by taking a small belief that they were sick and empowering the emotions and thought processes related with being sick, they actually became sick.
That is absurd, and frankly, I think one doesn't have to go to a hospital to see how SIBS is affecting a vast majority of people and how others use SIGS, self-imposed good shit, to live amazingly happy lives. The first thing one has to understand is that striving for or wanting happiness is fraught with problems for a variety of reasons:
Striving for happiness assumes you aren't or can't be happy right now; furthermore if you attach happiness to something, say money, family, or travel, you "sell out" your ability to be happy unless said criteria are reached.
