I have always loved the concept of a blog. A personalised space where you can express your opinions and feelings about every subject your mind can imagine. It allows the world to see things like you do, or at least, to try seeing things like you.
But the beauty of this medium, is the same thing that holds me back to do it myself. Me, a fairly shy person, a bit fearfull of the experiences that will follow. But I keep trying. I have to write. It's the only way to get some mental rest, and it helps me to sort out my memories and feelings. It allows me to develop my own opinion, based on the things I experience and see every day.
In this social times, full of media dedicated to socialize and talk to each other, there are people who have a hard time adapting. Not only those less gifted with computer skills, but also the quiet, thoughtfull ones. Those who rather listen then speak, and are only comfortable getting attention in their safe circle of friends.
It are these people who have some trouble connecting through this, a bit more distand kind of socializing. So they post way less then their social confident counter parts. And this shows one of the mayor flaws of the social media.
While everyone can read the things their friends post, the quiet types don't react. They post less stuff themselves, and when they do, only their limited circle of close friends react. And this way, they are soon reduced to a number in the friend lists. Just a name and a picture, nothing more. Sure, they can post, and their friends will see it, but they won't react. They are keeping the invisible, distand barrier alive.
And this barrier, not visible, only feelable, is the thing that the quiet ones will take with them. Unlike their social 'friends', they take this distant feeling, and project that on everyday, not-internet life. They begin to feel this same distance, maybe real, maybe imaginary, when talking to other people. They start to react in ways they hope to get nice reactions, and when they do, they put a little of their own personality aside, just to make a good impression. And they often succeed in that, just because the quiet ones spend more time listening.
But when they learn this 'trick', which they will see as the only way to survive this social times, they become a shadow of their former self. Masked people, desperate to show the 'right' them. But in all that effort, they forget there is only one 'perfect' them: the one they find frightning and utterly imperfect.
But that's the only way to make a human connection. And I know that. It's the thing I learned from my depressed period, and I am trying to live by it every day. It is absolutely not easy, but I will succeed. And I will show you how. How? I have no idea. But I will get there. I promise.
Today at lunch a waitress sat down with my friend and I. We go to this particular restaurant often and are chatty, so we're friends enough to sit together during her break, but not enough to make plans outside of the restaurant.
She told us that she was raped in the past.
Now, this wasn't borne from the victim mentality where people have a tragedy in their past that dominates their identity, and thus must be brought to the surface early in every relationship. We were talking about recovering from events like that, and she matter-of-factly brought it up and talked about how she recovered, without once fishing for pity.
Lately I've been trying to get my goals done, or at least head closer to them. But for every two steps I take, I take one step back. Some days I might take 4-5 steps forward and only 1 back. Those are the days when willpower or time constraints push me to go further. The usual days tho, or just the days where I say I want something, I want to Learn Japanese, I want to have a strong online presence, I want to earn money, Etc. But the truth is "want" is not enough.
Everyone wants freedom. Everyone wants to be happy. But the truth is not many get what they want. And its not because they aren't motivated, its because Motivation itself is not pressuring
Think about why the majority of high schools and college students cram for exams one-two days (sometimes the same day) as the exam?
Why do most employees only do the jobs that are extremely urgent, time sensitive, or the ones the boss designates as extremely important?
Why do people who have bad habits like eating lots of sugar or smoking do it even though they know its bad, but when they are diagnosed with diabetes or cancer, suddenly take drastic action?