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What Should You Do Next?

On Tynan

When I hit them up for blog post ideas, my friends say that I should write posts about how I decide what to do next. I'm not sure if it's because they think I make good decisions when faced with the question, or because my choices are so bizarre that they require explanation.

I don't feel like my decision-making process is so unusual that it necessitates a post, but sometimes it's the things most obvious to us that are most interesting to others. My friend Leo is a dad every day of his life, but I find each parenting decision he has to make fascinating.

What to do next is a question that has to be answered constantly, both in the short term and the long term. What big project should I tackle next? What should I work on this week? What should I make for breakfast?

To further complicate things, each question has nearly unlimited possible choices. Should I do another startup? Become an artist? Join the circus? These tend to be my favorite decisions to make, though-- those that combine imperfect information with possibility trees that can't fully be analyzed.

What Acceptance Feels Like

On Growing Up

Well. It happened. I got accepted into grad school. Which is exciting - trust me it's REALLY exciting. But acceptance is a funny thing. Or "being accepted" is a funny thing. Not sure which one's funnier. Or not funny at all.

It's hard to do anything genuinely when you are only looking for an acceptance. The thing about acceptance is that it's always to someone else's standard. Let's talk about grad school - this school sets a standard, had a process, and I (applying) had to strive to meet that standard. I would hopefully pass it, and impress them enough to want me there.

While it’s acceptable to want to do well and in this case put effort and passion into presenting oneself for an educational opportunity, it’s kinda a dangerous way to live life.

There was a time - not so long ago - that my whole life was based off of being accepted by things/people. I don't just mean the occasional compliment or promotion but this never ending strive to be the best so that others "higher" than me would notice or give recognition. It was kinda gross. And it kinda made me a gross person.

When striving for acceptance life is viewed through a lens that only sees pass or fail and not the journey taken to get there. A life striving for acceptance lacks depth and stability – thus the dangerous part.

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