I went to a Roger Waters concert earlier tonight. I got a free ticket and I make it a habit to see anything or anyone who's supposed to be one of the best, even though I don't like rock music.
One of my first memories of music is listening to Another Brick in the Wall in my dad's car as a kid. I loved the song, not because of any musical aspect or because I really understood the song, but because of one line: "we don't need no education." Even then my enjoyment of the lyric wasn't very nuanced. I just didn't like doing homework, and leaving the kids alone sounded like a good idea to me.
The last song I saw tonight before I left at intermission was that one. Waters brought a bunch of kids on the stage who danced and sang the chorus. When they bowed at the end they were all a bit too enthusiastic about their contributions, just as I would have been at that age. That made me think about the first time I heard that song, probably when I was around their age.
My life always feels like it's short until I stop and think about all of the things that have happened in it. I thought back to the kid who didn't want to do homework and thought about how he'd never believe my life is as it is.
I think about that kid when I make decisions sometimes. See! You did get an island after all!
My girlfriend left Vegas today. Now it seems totally logical that I'd have a really sweet and beautiful girlfriend, around whom I can joke and be myself. I remember a time where that seemed almost impossible to me, and that time doesn't seem so far away until I start thinking about every step that had to happen for me to get here.
I always thought that I'd be a CEO of a software company. Mostly I just loved Bill Gates as a kid. I guess by a very loose definition I am, but CruiseSheet has zero employees and I hope to keep it that way. I would have never guessed that a good part of my income would come either directly or indirectly from writing. After all, essays were a big part of that homework I didn't want to do.
Last week I bought a car that I never thought I'd be able to have. I met the seller at Bellagio and drove it home and thought about the first time I went to Bellagio. We pestered the front desk guy to let us look at pictures of suites because we couldn't afford one, or a normal room for that matter. And now I was picking up a pretty fancy car from the same driveway I walked up, and was bringing it home a couple miles away.
I'm not sure how true this is for other people, but I never know what my life is going to be like in the future. Usually it's better than I expected, or at least pleasantly different. But even in the most strange circumstances, I can see that my actions led to the unexpected result. Usually we can't steer towards an exact outcome, but we'll end up in the right area.
Sometimes things go poorly, too, of course. No one is immune to luck, and I know it's helped me at least as many times as it has hurt me. But looking at life from a mile up I can see that overall I can see that taking a lot of actions, making a lot of decisions, and worrying very little about individual outcomes has created some really good long-term results.
If your life is predictable and is everything you want it to be, then you're all set. If it's unpredictable and everything you want it to be, that's great, too. If it's unpredictable and bad, you're probably not making good decisions. But if your life is predictable and not everything you want it to be, that may be a symptom that you aren't doing enough. Taking actions and making decisions, even when they're not perfect, is the process by which you move your life in a good direction, even if you don't know exactly where you'll end up.
Photo is a cool sculpture outside the T-Mobile Arena. I think it was at Burning Man one year.
Must ask, what car did you get and why did you choose that one?
I have a post written about it, but I want to wait until I have it for a little while before posting. I think people will be surprised at what I chose.
That sculpture is just one of a three-part of a series by Marco Cochrane. All three have been to Burning Man (and one of the others lives on Treasure Island): http://www.marcocochranesculpture.net/
One of the more helpful habits I've developed is taking responsibility for everything in my life. This is a strong contrast to the average victim / "things happen to me" mentality that a lot of people have.
Basically I assume that anything "bad" that happens in my life is a direct result of actions I took. If I lose money in the stock market I don't think, "Oh man... I'm so unlucky... the stocks went down."
Instead I think, "I bought those stocks and I lost money because of a decision I made."
18 years of age since last June, to European standards I'm a ........man! I remember at a play rehersal a friend of mine who's 16.5 years of age, said with an envious tone, 'Your so lucky man, you can drive, drink, have sex, anything'. That 'anything' ringed in my head constantly throughout the rehersal, perhaps it explained why was I told by the director to get the f++k off the stage, which to my fright lurched me out of my dream stance. To the typical person, one would smile tinkle his fingers and do an 'menacing' sort of laugh as he plans for world domination [ok maybe a Mr. Burns type character woukld do that].
Not me though, to be honest I was terrified. Now was the time to start planning my life, no longer were the care-free days of messing about nor the exciting [even deluded] visions of our future lives as adults ....Well I'm one now and I look with shattered, heart-broken disappointment in the mirror as I appear to me the same person as I was at 15. At the age I envisioned I would a goatee beard, bulging biceps, pearl-white teeth, drivers license, straight A grades, had at least one girlfriend, to act, sing and write very well. But no as I see it i'm wasn't the multi- talented hunk about to embark to the realm of teenage stardom. The only thing racing through my mind was......have I wasted my teenage years day-dreaming about the 'perfect life' and the 'perfect' man to suddenly arrive on my doorsteps from the gates of heaven. That I was 'special', the 'chosen one', the.... nooooooooo !!!!
Well I guess i don't have everything for me as I thought I had. it's so easy sitting in a classroom thinking of all these amazing your going to do, neglecting your studies- which are pretty much your only way to a cog in this giant machine called Earth. School, classrooms, teachers, hallways, those were my only world for almost 13 years, so how was I supopose the 'real' world 'outside' the bubble, and without that world how was I supposed to know my own capilities? If all I've really done was sit in class, staring blankly at a chapter about ...the formation of brown earth soils [for example] doing my homework and just being a 'kid'.
Okay that last paragraph was a tiny bit off track, but don't we all do that at times. it shows the unpredictibility of our minds. So if I was able to produce that without knowing before hand, who knows what i could produce if I got overcome the doubts, the fears, the worries, the anxieties [those f++king voices that haunt us all] of trying new things.
To the point of this post, i'm at a point in my life where I need to start making the 'right' decisions to my future path. I've been doing so much research on college courses and anything, but the bottom line is that I don't what to end up as the typical, everyday-joe at the office from 9-5. I promised myself at 14 that become a part of the 'masses;, but now I realize why most of us do. Should take the risky path of the performing arts [which I don't know if I have a true 'passion' for it] or just pick a course that 'interests' me and see where I lead to?