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Threesome? Part 1

Hello. If you're my mom, please don't read this. My mom once decided to venture out onto this site and randomly chose an article called I'm Pregnant to read. That happened to be the only non-mom-friendly post. This is another one, so I'm giving you fair warning, mom.

Once up on a time in a land not too far away I had a lady friend who was also into the ladies. We'll call her Simone. We were watching a lot of "Girls Next Door", the show about the Playboy Mansion, and we decided that it would be pretty awesome to have a three way relationship. So our quest began. We went out to clubs a couple times but had a lot of trouble finding a girl we both liked. We'd talk about finding another girl from time to time, but didn't make much progress.

Then one day she meets a girl named Ariel. She's an adorably cute half Asian girl with a knack for saying hilarious inappropriate things. For example, she went through an entire Teen Vogue and shared with us her guesses on the condition of various celebrities' "downstairs situations". Descriptions ranged from pristine with rainbows shooting out to looking like rotten pumpkins (Beyonce).

VIDEO: Twenty Four Hours in Beijing Part I

I woke up on Friday in an incredible amount of pain. My ankle, which I injured the night before during a particularly vigorous game of trampoline-dodgeball, had swollen the point that it looked like a bruised potato with toes dangling off.

Even the slight pressure of my blankets sent rushes of pain through my foot. I tried to get out of bed, failed amid a cloud of expletives, and got back in bed where I tried to fight off the pain by gritting my teeth and growling.

This was the day I was supposed to go to Tokyo by way of Beijing, where I had a twenty-four hour layover. As much as I had been looking forward to this trip, it occurred to me that I might not be physically capable of making it to the airport.