I 'm a bit under the weather today, which for some reason makes me want to write something fun and useless. Behold three little stories of childhood crushes.
The Chair Lift Switch
The first girl I had a crush on was named Keely. I got my mom to take me to a toy store to buy her a present (a troll doll), which I then left on her desk. Anonymously, I think. I'm pretty sure that we were eventually "dating", but it's hard to remember since "dating" was just a title back then.
I do remember going on a ski trip with her, though. Her friend Caitlin asked to ride the chair lift up with me, and, on the way up, asked if I'd mind if Keely dated my friend. I was too polite to say anything besides "no, that's fine". Keely and my friend were riding the chairlift in front of us, and I imagine they had a similar conversation.
Not So Anonymous
He also "stole" another girl I was interested in. I met her in the "new to Texas" group as a freshman in High School. We had a mutual friend named Mary who somehow arranged for us to pass anonymous notes back and forth. I still have them. At Mary's insistence we had a phone call, back before the days of caller ID, and I somehow revealed my name by accident. Then my friend started dating her shortly after.
Three Bold Moves
A few years later I made friends with another friend's girlfriend, Dina. The two of them broke up, we continued to be friends, and one night I found myself in her girls-only dorm room. I think I was helping her on her computer, which is the one and only move geeks have, and it never works. As she was typing away, I got into her absent roommate's bed, and decided to try another move: the pretend-I-fell-asleep maneuver. Shockingly, it worked. Half an hour of silence later, she got in her bed. I pretended to be woken up, but too groggy to get back to my dorm. We talked for an hour or so and then started to fall asleep. After plenty of time for awkward silence, it was time for my third bold move of the night.
"So... are you really going to make me sleep in THIS bed?"
"Are you serious?"
"Uh, I guess not."
I went into her bed and we made out. In front of her building there were three handicap spots that were never used. The car that I bought had handicap plates, which, of course, I never changed, so I'd park in those spots all the time. Her ex drove by the next day, saw the car, and was furious. Ten years later and it's still awkward between us.
She and I became boyfriend and girlfriend. One night, for no reason at all, she was furious with me online. She said she never wanted to talk to me again. I launched into hero mode. I drove my car to the back door of her dorm and called her. It was raining. I told her that I was going to stay in my car outside her place until she would talk to me. I thought that this was a really valiant display of masculine honor. She told me that she was kidding around when she said she didn't want to talk to me. Nothing was wrong at all. It was just a joke.
A month later we broke up. She sent me a really long email, which I still have, basically saying that I was a crappy boyfriend. She was right. We got back together a month later, and then I broke up with her a month after that. I wasn't thinking it at the time, but I suspect that the whole relapse was me subconsciously wanting to be the one who did the breaking up. She's the only ex I have who doesn't want to talk to me.
It took me until the Project Hollywood Days, but I did eventually learn that other friend's exes are off-limits no matter what.
wow, you are an ass, sir. parking in handicap spots "just cause you can" and hooking up with a friend's ex? that's really low.
Good timing. While you may have intended this as a "fun and useless" story, it does give me hope to move on. Just went through a harsh break up last week, and I doubt she'll ever talk to me again. I purchased "Make Her Chase You" specifically to learn how to win her over, and it worked flawlessly. For that I am indebted to you, Tynan. Now it's time for me to read it again and find someone better.
I was more F than A or C, but any way you look at it, I was an AFC. An Average Frustrated Chump. I had a crush on a girl named Renee, who lived on my floor in the dorm.
For weeks I lived in agony, wondering if she liked me. I'd make subtle hints and get back subtle responses which weren't nearly conclusive enough for me to do anything about it.
Things came to a head on Friday night. I had to ask her. Not in person, of course. On AIM.
As you can see from the header on my blog, this is the “Official Tynan Fan Club.” Readers, I know what you are thinking, “Who the hell is Tynan?!” Tynan is a former pick-up artist, now nomad. He is also one of the creators of this blogging platform, SETT. I had the pleasure of being introduced to him about 6 years back when we were dating the same girl, his readers know her as Simone.
About a year after meeting, I had been on Tynan’s blog and read an entry about a threesome and midway through I realized I was Ariel. Tynan had written a blog post titled: Threesome? Part 1 about the intentions behind our meeting. I added him on Facebook, sent him a message acknowledging I had read the post and then didn’t speak for a few years. This may seem as though I was upset, but we just really didn’t have much to talk about beyond the botched threesome and Simone. Anywho, three years ago, I traveled to Japan and mentioned it on a Facebook status update and Tynan responded. He happened to be in Japan at the time and that’s how our friendship rekindled. What you are about to read is my version of what happened that day we met 6 years ago.
I had met Simone at a dinner gathering her sister was having at their home. Immediately, Simone and I hit it off and the night turned into a flirt-fest. It wasn’t long after that Simone and I were seeing each other regularly and I was being introduced to a few of her close friends. She spoke a lot about her “best friend” Tynan. “He is a pick up artist, ya know? He wrote this book and now he lives downtown. Yeah.” That’s how she really speaks, only, run all the words together without taking a breath. One Saturday, she invited me over to Tynan’s penthouse to hang out. I let her know my best friend was coming into town that night from NYC and I needed to fetch him from the airport. She said it was cool, we were just going to lounge around and she really wanted me to meet her “best friend.” See, I didn’t know Simone was Tynan's girlfriend.
When we got to Tynan’s apartment, she knocked on the door and a small waify looking dude with a sequined hat answered. “Hey baby!” She hugged and kissed him and I followed suit, “Hey baby!” I always mocked Simone’s affections towards others because it came off contrived but it was also one of the reasons I liked her and why everyone else did, too. It was immediately awkward. Tynan struggled to make eye contact, I struggled to talk about anything interesting and Simone struggled to make it better. I planted myself on the couch and looked around as Tynan clicked away on his computer. I thought maybe he was just working because the apartment was located downtown and was gigantic, the money had to be coming from somewhere. So, I continued to sit in silence.