I 'm a bit under the weather today, which for some reason makes me want to write something fun and useless. Behold three little stories of childhood crushes.
The Chair Lift Switch
The first girl I had a crush on was named Keely. I got my mom to take me to a toy store to buy her a present (a troll doll), which I then left on her desk. Anonymously, I think. I'm pretty sure that we were eventually "dating", but it's hard to remember since "dating" was just a title back then.
I do remember going on a ski trip with her, though. Her friend Caitlin asked to ride the chair lift up with me, and, on the way up, asked if I'd mind if Keely dated my friend. I was too polite to say anything besides "no, that's fine". Keely and my friend were riding the chairlift in front of us, and I imagine they had a similar conversation.
Not So Anonymous
He also "stole" another girl I was interested in. I met her in the "new to Texas" group as a freshman in High School. We had a mutual friend named Mary who somehow arranged for us to pass anonymous notes back and forth. I still have them. At Mary's insistence we had a phone call, back before the days of caller ID, and I somehow revealed my name by accident. Then my friend started dating her shortly after.
Three Bold Moves
A few years later I made friends with another friend's girlfriend, Dina. The two of them broke up, we continued to be friends, and one night I found myself in her girls-only dorm room. I think I was helping her on her computer, which is the one and only move geeks have, and it never works. As she was typing away, I got into her absent roommate's bed, and decided to try another move: the pretend-I-fell-asleep maneuver. Shockingly, it worked. Half an hour of silence later, she got in her bed. I pretended to be woken up, but too groggy to get back to my dorm. We talked for an hour or so and then started to fall asleep. After plenty of time for awkward silence, it was time for my third bold move of the night.
"So... are you really going to make me sleep in THIS bed?"
"Are you serious?"
"Uh, I guess not."
I went into her bed and we made out. In front of her building there were three handicap spots that were never used. The car that I bought had handicap plates, which, of course, I never changed, so I'd park in those spots all the time. Her ex drove by the next day, saw the car, and was furious. Ten years later and it's still awkward between us.
She and I became boyfriend and girlfriend. One night, for no reason at all, she was furious with me online. She said she never wanted to talk to me again. I launched into hero mode. I drove my car to the back door of her dorm and called her. It was raining. I told her that I was going to stay in my car outside her place until she would talk to me. I thought that this was a really valiant display of masculine honor. She told me that she was kidding around when she said she didn't want to talk to me. Nothing was wrong at all. It was just a joke.
A month later we broke up. She sent me a really long email, which I still have, basically saying that I was a crappy boyfriend. She was right. We got back together a month later, and then I broke up with her a month after that. I wasn't thinking it at the time, but I suspect that the whole relapse was me subconsciously wanting to be the one who did the breaking up. She's the only ex I have who doesn't want to talk to me.
It took me until the Project Hollywood Days, but I did eventually learn that other friend's exes are off-limits no matter what.
wow, you are an ass, sir. parking in handicap spots "just cause you can" and hooking up with a friend's ex? that's really low.
Good timing. While you may have intended this as a "fun and useless" story, it does give me hope to move on. Just went through a harsh break up last week, and I doubt she'll ever talk to me again. I purchased "Make Her Chase You" specifically to learn how to win her over, and it worked flawlessly. For that I am indebted to you, Tynan. Now it's time for me to read it again and find someone better.
I was more F than A or C, but any way you look at it, I was an AFC. An Average Frustrated Chump. I had a crush on a girl named Renee, who lived on my floor in the dorm.
For weeks I lived in agony, wondering if she liked me. I'd make subtle hints and get back subtle responses which weren't nearly conclusive enough for me to do anything about it.
Things came to a head on Friday night. I had to ask her. Not in person, of course. On AIM.
Life would be great if I only knew the lesson of an event before the event. If I knew that my wife would be angry when I complained about Disney food, then I just wouldn't voice those opinions operatically. What I'm finally seeing is that life's lessons happen all the time, we just need to see them.
Two experiences, one yesterday and one fifteen years ago reminded me of this. First the more recent one. While sitting in the gymnastics waiting room earlier this week I was talking about books with one of the other parents there. She was well read in different areas of fiction and I found myself noting book after book. She had me excited to read and that night I logged onto my Amazon.com account and nearly ordered some of the Kindle copies - because she read them on her Kindle.
At the start of the year I decided to limit my book purchases and except for a pair of un-regrettable slip-ups, I haven't missed having the books. Her hour long influence on me almost led me to buy a book. She didn't make me do anything but our conversation had shifted my framing of the world, from my goal to her norm.
The second episode I thought of was in a driver's education class. In this class - which taught me more about talking to girls than driving - the students would talk about what kind of cars we thought were cool. We pined away in our wood-paneled station wagons. One night the conversation turned to luxury cars and I declared that my luxury car of choice was clear, the Pontiac Bonneville
[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="320"] The Pontiac Bonneville[/caption]