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Getting Out

I was more F than A or C, but any way you look at it, I was an AFC. An Average Frustrated Chump. I had a crush on a girl named Renee, who lived on my floor in the dorm.

For weeks I lived in agony, wondering if she liked me. I'd make subtle hints and get back subtle responses which weren't nearly conclusive enough for me to do anything about it.

Things came to a head on Friday night. I had to ask her. Not in person, of course. On AIM.

The Botched Threesome with Tynan Part 1

On The Constance Chronicles

As you can see from the header on my blog, this is the “Official Tynan Fan Club.” Readers, I know what you are thinking, “Who the hell is Tynan?!” Tynan is a former pick-up artist, now nomad. He is also one of the creators of this blogging platform, SETT. I had the pleasure of being introduced to him about 6 years back when we were dating the same girl, his readers know her as Simone.

About a year after meeting, I had been on Tynan’s blog and read an entry about a threesome and midway through I realized I was Ariel. Tynan had written a blog post titled: Threesome? Part 1 about the intentions behind our meeting. I added him on Facebook, sent him a message acknowledging I had read the post and then didn’t speak for a few years. This may seem as though I was upset, but we just really didn’t have much to talk about beyond the botched threesome and Simone. Anywho, three years ago, I traveled to Japan and mentioned it on a Facebook status update and Tynan responded. He happened to be in Japan at the time and that’s how our friendship rekindled. What you are about to read is my version of what happened that day we met 6 years ago.

I had met Simone at a dinner gathering her sister was having at their home. Immediately, Simone and I hit it off and the night turned into a flirt-fest. It wasn’t long after that Simone and I were seeing each other regularly and I was being introduced to a few of her close friends. She spoke a lot about her “best friend” Tynan. “He is a pick up artist, ya know? He wrote this book and now he lives downtown. Yeah.” That’s how she really speaks, only, run all the words together without taking a breath. One Saturday, she invited me over to Tynan’s penthouse to hang out. I let her know my best friend was coming into town that night from NYC and I needed to fetch him from the airport. She said it was cool, we were just going to lounge around and she really wanted me to meet her “best friend.” See, I didn’t know Simone was Tynan's girlfriend.

When we got to Tynan’s apartment, she knocked on the door and a small waify looking dude with a sequined hat answered. “Hey baby!” She hugged and kissed him and I followed suit, “Hey baby!” I always mocked Simone’s affections towards others because it came off contrived but it was also one of the reasons I liked her and why everyone else did, too. It was immediately awkward. Tynan struggled to make eye contact, I struggled to talk about anything interesting and Simone struggled to make it better. I planted myself on the couch and looked around as Tynan clicked away on his computer. I thought maybe he was just working because the apartment was located downtown and was gigantic, the money had to be coming from somewhere. So, I continued to sit in silence.

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