The Two People I've Gotten Fired (Part One)
I don't think I'm some sort of bigshot who gets people fired because they look at me wrong. Really, I tend to make friends with most people. But there have been two incidents.
Incident #1
I was on a cruise ship for two weeks, heading around the Caribbean with three friends. The worst part about cruise ships are the weird little markets they have where they sell crap like "gold chains by the foot". These little stands are always in the main hallways that you cross all the time.
On our way to dinner we said hello to the two people manning a stand, an attractive Australian girl and a chubby guy.
We chatted for a few minutes and introduced ourselves. The girl's name was Sarah, and the guy's name was Dane.
"I'm terrible with names, but I try to make pictures to remember names. So for you, Dane..."
In a split second I realized what I was going to say next, and regretted it before it even came out of my mouth. The giddy smile that was growing on his face screamed at me that he was going to take it the wrong way.
But it ways too late.
"I'll think of a great dane. Like the dog."
He hesitated for a second.
"If I was a great dane, I would like your face."
He then, using his tongue and finger, gestured on his own face how he would lick me. That split second of my life will haunt me forever.
Still, no big deal. A gay guy, who was an employee, hit on me. Pretty creepy, but not the end of the world. I stared at him blankly with slight disapproval to semi-politely indicate that I would in no way be pleased to be licked.
We went to dinner and laughed about it.
But things only escalated. The next time we passed, we had another conversation:
"Hey, Tynan, what are you doing in Belize?"
"Oh, I don't know yet."
"Do you want to come to the beach with me?"
"I'll see what we're all going to do..."
"No, I mean just you and me."
"Umm, no thanks."
"Come on."
"No."
"I'll show you the best beach."
It was getting really awkward. I left. Later I rejoined my friends and they told me that Dane had been trying to find me.
His aggressiveness was getting really uncomfortable. I started taking alternate routes to avoid his stand in the hallway. Seven days later the cruise was over. All in all, I didn't think much about it. It was awkward, but it was over.
A month later a friend of mine called. He had won a cruise and wanted to know if I wanted to come. Of course I did.
And then, with two weeks before boarding, I finally took a look at the tickets. It was the same exact ship. There was just no way I was going to spend another week with The Great Dane.
One e-mail later, I was assured he wouldn't be working for the cruise company anymore.
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