The Taxman

I walk down to my stupid community mailbox to check my mail. The idiocy of these types of mailboxes strikes me, as it has every other time I’ve checked my mail. Bills. Magazines. Junk Mail. A package slip!

I couldn’t remember what I ordered, but that happens a lot. I start driving towards the post office, eager to get whatever gadget I’ve ordered this time. Stopped at a red light, I look more closely at the slip. It’s not a package, it’s a certified letter. And it’s from the IRS.

Crap.

I had assumed that I would eventually be audited. I pay my taxes and all that, but my record keeping department is less than exemplary. Actually, it’s nowhere near exemplary. This was inevitable.

I press on the accelerator, eager to get this over with.

There’s no one in line at the post office, so I go straight to the pickup window. The lady goes to the back to dig up my letter. Noticing my heart rate increasing, I try to lower it. “This is a great opportunity to practice remaining calm in anxiety laden situations”, I think. I take a few deep breaths and try to stop fidgeting.

My eyes lock with the post office employee’s for a second. The IRS. I’m getting audited. If I were a human, I’d be slightly embarassed. I sign for the letter and open it as I walk back to my car.

It’s a thick envelope, full of pages. I scan the pages as I flip through them quickly. Collections. Leins on property. Seizure of assets. This looks scary.

I get to the end of the packet and find no reference to what they want. I go through it again more slowly, and I find a bill.

I owe the IRS $125.


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6 responses to “The Taxman”

  1. Ira Avatar
    Ira

    OMG.

    So did you make any progress learning to “remaining calm in anxiety laden situations”?

  2. Magnus Avatar
    Magnus

    dude if you are stuck I can lend you $60. maybe someone else can lend you the rest.

  3. Hu_Hefner Avatar
    Hu_Hefner

    I owed a little over 4 grand one year, because I was a contractor and never paid in quarterly like I was supposed to. I paid the 4 grand with a credit card. I am still paying on it, nearly 10 years later.

    Two words: Screw The Government.

  4. omit Avatar
    omit

    Yep. That damn estimated tax payment bites us lazy contractors in the butt every year. I guess I’ll be getting mine soon.

  5. BigSend Avatar
    BigSend

    Good thing I donated to you, what would you without that?

  6. matt Avatar
    matt

    wow, half of that is probably to pay the guy that put that shit together, I hate bureaucracy.

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