Wow. I try to keep things positive. I really do. But this is just unbelievable. The Luxor casino and hotel in Las Vegas, NV has the worst room service you can possibly imagine.
Now, I like a lot of other things about this casino. The restaurants are great. The casino hosts are fantastic. They send me things in the mail to give me free rooms, food, show tickets, and more. And then when I get here they put me in a cool room with a jacuzzi in the bedroom. So overall I really like the Luxor and will keep coming back.
"Ok, but it's going to take an hour"
That's what you hear when you order from room service. Even if you're in the penthouse suite, you still have to wait an hour. That's fine in itself - I know it takes a while to make food and bring it to me. What irks me is the way they say it. It's almost like they're trying to discourage you from ordering. Maybe it's good advice.
The waiters are polite and helpful. They're the only good part about room service. They will set up your table anywhere you want it and serve the water and stuff. Maybe it's not really that above and beyond the expected, but in contrast to the otherwise horrendous operation, it's like they're offering you their firstborn kid.
When the time comes to dig in, you invariably realize that your order is totally messed up. EVERY SINGLE TIME. I've had breakfast in my room at least 7 times now, and every single one has been messed up.
"I only want tomatoes, spinach, and peppers in my omelet."
"Ok, an omelet with only tomatoes, spinach, and peppers?"
"Yes. Only tomatoes, spinach, and peppers."
"So no onions or mushrooms?"
"Definitely no onions or mushrooms. Please make sure because my order has been messed up the past 6 times"
"Ok sir. Are you sure you want to order? It will be an hour"
This is the abridged version of my ordering conversation every morning. Then every time I get my order it has more onions and mushrooms in it than the entire produce department at the grocery store. I invariably try to pick around the mushrooms (they're the true offenders - onions are fine), and give up hungry after a few minutes.
Then I call back and demand to have it taken off the bill, or get a new one if I have the time (which is usually screwed up as well).
The omelet fiasco is my rock. I know that with every order I will get a defective omelet. However, there are also some bonus disasters most meals. Every single breakfast comes with toast. It's on the menu. I don't really like toast, but I find it absolutely hilarious that sometimes they forget it. EVERY BREAKFAST COMES WITH IT. If you don't see a bucket of toast on your cart, but you do see breakfast, GO BACK. More impressive was the substitution of RICE PUDDING for oatmeal. RICE PUDDING. Hilariously it was served with brown sugar and raisins just like the oatmeal is.
Oh, and I almost forgot! The other night we ordered two hot fudge sundaes with extra fudge and extra nuts. (Yeah, I don't eat raw when I'm in traveling because it's not practical, so I try to enjoy the violation). They brought us two pieces of chocolate cake with a bowl of fudge and a bowl of nuts on the side. WHO DOES THAT? I just can't fathom anyone putting that on a cart and believing that they have the order right. Has anyone in the history of mankind actually ordered a bowl of chopped nuts to add to their cake?
I could go on and on, considering that they screw up 90% of the meals we order, but I think you get the point. I'm going to finish my smoothie now since it's the only part of this order that I have any desire to eat.
It's almost as if they're trying to drive you down to the floor where you can gamble and give them lots of money.
But I'm sure it's just that they're busy being awesome in other ways.
Man, I always sleep way more than necessary when I'm traveling. It's those damn room darkening shades.
I've given up sticking to my diet when traveling, though. It's too inconvenient for me and for those I'm traveling with. It was fun eating steaks and fish and stuff, but I'm glad to be back in Austin and eating raw.
The worst thing about travel is that you don't get enough sleep. I don't do polyphasic. I'm either insomnia or a big piece of furniture that snores. Oh were was I...oh yes...
When I went to Austin for the Tri-lair meetup thingy (Dallas,Austin and Houston) we got a really great location right on 6th street near Katz's deli (which I love!).
The problem was that the room was so freakin noisy. Someone above us was flushing the toilet every 15 minutes and it was very loud. It sounded like washing machine was grinding away...
My buddy Enigmass was with me.
And we got the room free because he complained to the manager.
But that didn't help me get any sleep.
I was worn out for the drive back to Fort Worth.
The other thing that is sub-cool about staying at hotels/motels is that you can't really sleep in. I going out until 4 am is great but then check out is at 11am! Arrrrggghhh.
Of course the Church of Polyphasia is the answer, brother. Amen.
tynan, they have no idea what you mean. mmmmbut that isn't an invitation for you to explain it... hahaha
LOL! That's hilarious.. sorry Ty...
You do write funny about it, so that's nice...
"chopped bowl of nuts with chocolate cake" pffff :D
I'd be running around the hotel with squirtguns (is that what you call em?) acting like a kid..
But Ty, you also gambling? I thought you quit that biz.
Hey my spelling is not so good, I cant argue with a woman that carried the infamous herbal from the bushes.
It's a dangerous night to be walking outside. Not for me, but for the tiny little frogs that dot the gravel road. I swish my overpowered Surefire flashlight across the dark gravel trying to avoid stepping on them. When I get close they freeze in their tracks, making them harder to see. This would be a good reflex if I was trying to eat them, but it's working against them tonight.
I'm walking down to the beach for old times' sake. It's 2am and I'm in Milton, Vermont. Calling it a beach is generous. Shale rocks densely scattered over green outcroppings of weeds lead up to murky water. There are a few docks and a few boats pulled up out of the water. They're not locked to anything - they're just sitting there.
I crouch, pick up one of the little green frogs, and watch him slowly climb around my wrist as I rotate it. I probably haven't touched a frog in ten years. Playing with frogs used to be my favorite thing to do when I was in Vermont. I liked to catch them in a bucket and then empty it into the nearby creek and watch them swim away. Sometimes we'd throw them in the air so that they'd land in the lake. That seems a bit inhumane now, but we didn't know better back then. We were kids. I lower my arm to the ground and nudge the frog off of my wrist.
Do you have these old yogurt containers around? We have them a plenty. Uncle Dan has them by the hundred. Unfortunately, most centers won't recycle plastic number 5. It's like the U2 Rattle and Hum album. As a teen when I visited the used CD store in our city there was always, always, a copy there. Even after I bought one for myself and one for a girlfriend they still had copies. It's a decent set of songs but not one anyone appreciates. Just like old yogurt containers. Here are 17 ideas for what to do with old yogurt containers.
The beauty of this system is that you can use any container you have a lot of and the more you have the better your system will look. You'll have consistent container sizes and when you arrange and label. The system will serve you a long time, as long as plastic number 5.
Read more about plastic number 5.