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taylor

Sometimes the most impactful books are the ones you didn’t mean to read. For some reason that I can’t remember anymore, I copied a book called “On Killing” onto my ebook reader when I first bought it. It sat on the reader for eight months before I found myself unable to sleep and without any books I actually wanted to read. So I began to tackle the 400 page opus on being a soldier.

The book took me a month to get through. It’s dense, thorough to the point of being repetitive, and mostly irrelevant to civilians. But it’s not totally irrelevant to me: my brother Taylor is going to Afghanistan tomorrow.

He joined the military about a year ago. The decision was made without any input from the family and without much notice either. “I’m thinking of joining the Army” evolved into him being issued fatigues in a blink of an eye. Soon he was off to basic training.

Taylor is a private person, which means that I never really understood what drove him to join. Reasons were given, of course, but none that seemed to justify such a drastic decision. I figure that the real reason is something personal; that he felt he had to do it for some reason or another.

I may not understand why he joined, but through reading “On Killing”, I’ve come to understand a bit of the reality of being a soldier. I’d never really given it much thought, which naturally caused me to oversimplify it in my head.

Most soldiers, according to the author, don’t want to kill. It’s against our nature to kill our own species and we avoid it at all costs. In World War I, the vast majority of soldiers actually avoided killing enemies, either by not firing at all, or firing over the heads of the enemy. Since then the military has improved their conditioning exercises, and the firing rate is now above 85%. My brother will fire at, and probably kill people, whether he wants to or not.

I don’t really understand the war we’re fighting, and I’m not totally sure the soldiers do, either. But I want to put that conversation aside and focus on the soldiers, which is something I hadn’t really done until recently. I didn’t think of them as individuals, but rather a bunch of people I didn’t know, emotionlessly doing their job just like the checkout clerk at Wal-Mart.

But that, of course, isn’t accurate. In “On Killing” I learned that there are two main factors in how psychologically traumatized a soldier is: the distance from the kill and the support back home. Knifing someone in the kidney is extremely traumatizing. Dropping a bomb from a plane isn’t very traumatizing at all. My brother is a sniper, so I’m selfishly glad that he’s pretty well removed from the intimate details of the killing. On the support side, I realized that it’s important to separate my ambivalence or default contempt for the war from the pride I have for my brother.

When faced with fact that real-life Army isn’t like the Army on movies (or recruitment videos), he rose to the challenge. He was consistently at the top of his class and is one of the most respected soldiers in his group. Of the four kids in my family, Taylor is the most selfless. He doesn’t just talk about helping other people; he actually does it. When my other brother wanted a scooter, but couldn’t afford it, Taylor paid for half of it with his Army signing bonus and loaned him the rest of the money. If I was in the Army, he’s the kind of person I’d want to have around me.

This post is for Taylor. I feel helpless and a little bit guilty; my life is relatively easy, but his is about to be difficult for a while. All I can do, which makes almost no difference at all, is to show my support. So, Taylor, I love you, I’m proud of you, and I can’t wait to see you come back in December.


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There are 20 Comments.


Scott
May 9th, 2010 @ 3:08 pm

Quick correction:

The proximity noted in “On Killing” does not necessarily refer to physical distance. Snipers are very closely involved with their targets. You get immediate feedback through your scope. Not to mention getting to know your target via the stalk. Sniping is one of the most intimate forms of killing with forethought. Every shot is planned, deliberate, and results in the execution of a human being.

Please let your brother know there are other folks wishing him well in his endeavors, now and in the future.

May 9th, 2010 @ 3:12 pm

I understand where you’re coming from with this post Tynan. I hope your brother stays safe over there. We need more people like him back home too.

-Jordan

May 9th, 2010 @ 4:48 pm

Great post. Take care and good luck, Taylor.


PFC Kwoka
May 9th, 2010 @ 5:11 pm

I joined the Marine Corps last year. I’m still in school, likely to be stationed in Japan by the end of the year, and hopefully I’ll be going to Afghanistan soon.

In the Marine Corps during training the idea of killing is burned into us to the point where we don’t even treat it as anything big, just fun. Repeatedly told stories of Marines sacrificing everything for their brothers, tales of the horrible things the enemy wants to do to our families, and much talk of how fun it is to see an entire convoy open up on a building because an enemy sniper shot somewhere near by.

And because I have to say it: The Army is garbage. But it at least sounds like your brother isn’t one of those that makes it garbage.

ps. bought my mom Life Nomadic for mother’s day


Josh McDonald
May 9th, 2010 @ 10:37 pm

Much respect.

May 9th, 2010 @ 11:16 pm

I am from a military family of several generations and understand where you are coming from with this. My Dad also served on the Afghan mission. No matter what ones thoughts on war are, I believe, it is important to support the soldiers. They are all everyday brother, sisters, mothers or father just like you and I.

I wish both your brother Taylor and your family strength and courage in the coming months.


Austin Long
May 10th, 2010 @ 12:35 am

Ty: Even if showing support is all you can do, be sure that it isn’t nothing. It makes more of a difference than you think.

..And the rest of the clan: Care packages are awesome, too. Dudes usually like magazines and food. Chocolate stuff might not make it through the supply system to Afghanistan intact, but if it’s wrapped up, it’s worth a try.

Taylor: Be safe, bro.


Bleicke
May 10th, 2010 @ 2:10 am

After reading a book about marine snipers, I think sniper is maybe the most closely involved type of soldier there is. You watch your target for hours, often days, getting to know them, their sleeping and eating habits, watching them the entire time. Then you kill them. The book made it seem extremely personal.

For general war-ness watch “Generation Kill”. Great show.


Gruntwilligar
May 10th, 2010 @ 6:57 pm

I’ve got two nephews who were off to Iraq for just over a year, they both came back physically intact and mostly emotionally intact. Now another is off to Afghanistan, I hope and pray that he comes home safe. I also hope that Taylor comes home safe and sound.


Omri
May 11th, 2010 @ 3:33 pm

I’m finishing up a service as a combat medic, and from my experience the critical factor in how psychologically traumatized a soldier is is the support he gets from his brothers.

Taylor, stay safe.

May 13th, 2010 @ 12:23 pm

1. Many thanks, Taylor, for your service to our country. I appreciate your courage and selfless contributions to my well-being.

2. Great post, Tynan. Your words address deep, core values and human nature.

3. Will you consider removing the pop-up window that appears when readers click to leave a comment?

May 14th, 2010 @ 3:47 am

I wish your brother well (along with the rest of our armed forces), but I also wish more soldiers would take the time to read and gain a clean understanding of the constitution they swear to uphold.

In that sense, it totally baffles me anyone would willingly join the US military at this point in history.

Suppose this is me supporting troops and also being anti-war at the same time.

-Anthony

May 17th, 2010 @ 3:59 am

“My brother is a sniper, so I’m selfishly glad that he’s pretty well removed from the intimate details of the killing.”

Oh man, you can’t get much more intimate than that!

May 19th, 2010 @ 6:13 pm

Hey nice article. I find it slightly strange that he could have had the dream lifestyle of travelling and making money online by simply asking you for advice, but he chose to join the army? to each their own I suppose. good luck


James
May 25th, 2010 @ 4:57 am

“Military men are dumb, stupid animals to be used as pawns for foreign policy.”
Henry Kissinger


rhod
May 25th, 2010 @ 3:00 pm

Having spent twenty years in the military (joined the Army when I was 17 and worked with all branches) I should point out that military people, at their core, are not as “different” as civilians think they. As for the young Marine that stated “The Army is garbage” That opinion is not your original thought; It was given to you in Boot Camp. That said, your macho attitude is good to have if one wants to be a succesful warrior. I wish you the best and hope you live long enough to understand that people in all branches of the military are your brothers and sisters. When you are older, you will understand.

May 27th, 2010 @ 9:27 pm

I’m finishing up a service as a combat medic, and from my experience the critical factor in how psychologically traumatized a soldier is is the support he gets from his brothers.

Taylor, stay safe.


joebob
Jun 1st, 2010 @ 11:15 am

Nice post. Always interesting to read what civilians think. Yes, soldiers are people too! Who would have thought? Unfortunately (or fortunately?), the number of servicemen that a typical civilian knows are wayyyyy less than in WWII. What does this mean? That the public doesnt have a freaking clue what serving is all about. This wasn’t the case in past decades, where brothers, husbands, and best friends were always fighting. To NOT serve was the exception. I’m glad you get the chance to understand this a little better, to see the human side of soldiering.

As others have said, this concept of “distance from kill” is a bit misleading. To think that a SNIPER of all professions is removed from a kill is naive. Even the example of a bomb from a plane not having any impact is a bit dated. With technology, the aircrew have an all too intimate view of those killed. Even pilots controlling remote controlled planes from Las Vegas, with the drones dropping bombs in Iraq, are experiencing PTSD.

Another misconception of the military is that everyone is a trained killer. Actually, a minority, maybe 30% of the military serve as operators, that is, infantry, aircrew, cavalry. The vast majority are SUPPORT, like cooks, doctors, towel boys at the gym, accountants, radio technicians—all jobs to ensure the true warfighters can do their jobs well. If your brother is indeed a sniper, he is an operator and represents the business end of the military. His actions will be intimate. Don’t kid yourself that shooting a person from 50 yards is so much different than doing it from 500 yards.

Jun 3rd, 2010 @ 11:18 am

I wish your brother well (along with the rest of our armed forces), but I also wish more soldiers would take the time to read and gain a clean understanding of the constitution they swear to uphold.

In that sense, it totally baffles me anyone would willingly join the US military at this point in history.

Suppose this is me supporting troops and also being anti-war at the same time.

-Anthony


Steven
Jun 9th, 2010 @ 2:58 pm

The comment from the Marine shows just how little experience he has. Anyone that considers killing fun is a sociopath and should be discharged from the military as they are not an asset. People can get detached from the act and this can be a survival mechanism to prevent future trauma but the decision to kill is not taken lightly.
It is one thing to shoot a moving target from 50 yards where you might not even see the persons face; it is another to acquire a target from 800 yards and to aim for the second button on his shirt. The first person knows you are shooting at him, the second never knows what hit him as the bullet is faster than the speed of sound. It takes a special person to be a sniper.
And a lot of people still believe in this country enough to find a reason to serve.

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