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A couple days ago I read a book recommended by Tyler, whose blog is the only blog I read religiously.

Anyway, the book is about mastery, and it really rang true for me. In it the author talks about the different types of people who are NOT masters, and I am pretty clearly one of them. I'm "the hacker".

What that means is that I get some level of proficiency below mastery, get satisfied with it, and don't progress. I'm acutely aware of this - I get to the level where other people respect my skill, but never push myself as far as I could go / would like.


On in the works of creating me

I get frustrated easily and wear that frustration on my sleeve. I know this about me, and it is something I am working on. I'm grateful for my natural inclination to be passionate. I believe that one day this will help me accomplish my goals and fight injustice in this broken world. However, I understand that this passion must be paired with self control. The thing is, I never want to be passive. Allowing others to push me around simply is not in my nature.

A particularly petty, minor, and selfish thing that I am overly passionate about is the ridiculousness of "detention." At my school, you can get a detention for just about anything. Chewing gum. Wearing the wrong sweatshirt. The wrong shade of blue socks. Too many bracelets. Being a successful student and an independent person, I believe that having someone micromanage and monitor these kinds of minor things is nonsense.

I currently exist in a transitional phase that is inescapably aggravating. My lifestyle enables me to think and behave independently, however my school encases me in petty rules and regulations. If I can read an article about deception in sexual encounters, I believe I am mature enough to choose the color of my socks on my own.

I understand the necessity of rules in any organization. Rules reduce chaos, I get that and I abide by them when they are legitimate. But for this time in my life, I simply cannot handle being micromanaged anymore. Today I had an issue with being assigned a detention I already served. My frustration with micromanagement was made clear.

All of this aggravation has re-enforced my decision to move to Scotland after I graduate. I need to take my independence to a new level. Many people are hesitant to support me in this, as they think I could be very happy at schools in the US. I don't doubt that. But that is not the point. I have been offered the opportunity to fully take my life into my own hands. To become an adult. To travel. To explore myself and beliefs. I am never going to get this chance again, and I know that I need to take it. Even if I am miserable and want to come home, I will still have learned my limitations. I know I need to do this.

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