I don’t notice that I have a million rules for myself until someone hears about one, asks if I have others, and the conversation lasts for hours. I know that even with all of the discipline I’ve built over the years, I’m still susceptible to making impulsive decisions in the moment, so I make rules for myself. In my brain those rules have special status as being immutable and important.
To give you some examples of rules I have: I’m not allowed to break my diet while in San Francisco, unless I’m in a social situation (and then I must eat as close as possible); I no longer book trips unless I’m going with friends or visiting friends; I wasn’t allowed to watch movies in theaters in 2013; I don’t allow myself to spend any time dating until 2015.
Today I thought it might be interesting to walk through an example and discuss how it was created and how you can make your own.
One of the least productive states of mind to be in is the one where you’re racking your brain to make a decision that is not important or should have already been made. Besides wasting time, this practice depletes your will power, which is one of your most valuable resources and could be spent pushing towards your goals. The main reason I have a million rules is to trick myself into rarely or never going into that state.
I use being in that state as a trigger to come up with a new rule. I feel that frustration of exerting myself to make a pointless decision, and I use it to remind myself that I should actually be solving the root cause by making a new rule. That way the willpower goes towards building a rule that solves that and all future situations, rather than just the one.
For example, every day I get automated emails from a script I built that shows me the best flight deals. At first this was a little bit stressful, because I wanted to take every single one. So I’d explore different dates, look at things to do in the country, and debate with myself whether or not I should go. This process would happen at least once a week, so I knew I needed a rule to handle it.
I thought back to my most recent dozen trips or so and tried to distill what made some better than others. The conclusion I came to was that I liked traveling with friends a lot better than traveling solo, and that I was consistently booking trips for too long. When I went solo, I ended up just working most of the time, which negated some of the benefits of being in the country. When I booked a trip that was too long I’d often do less interesting things because I felt like I had all the time in the world, and I’d end up just paying for a hotel or Airbnb, where I sat and worked all day.
So now when I see a good deal I email it to a few friends, and if they want to go, I book the trip. Otherwise I just pass on it and don’t let it tax my brain. When it comes time to plan the trip, I err on the side of a shorter trip. For example, in November a few friends and I are going to Hong Kong for just three days.
Unlike habits, which can often be universal, or at least widely applicable, rules tend to be individual. We all have different situations that bog us down, and creating individual rules is often the most effective way to avoid those situations entirely. Over the next week, whenever you find yourself expending energy making a decision that doesn’t seem to justify that expenditure, see if you can come up with a personal rule that will solve the problem now and forever.
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I don’t think the picture needs much explanation.
Next big trip is a trip to the northeast and to THE ISLAND next month! We have some really ambitious plans for the week we spend there.
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