Roller Coaster

As I mentioned previously, my gas got turned off. I’m moving soon, so I’ve been getting my house ready to be sold. Part of that includes turning on the gas again so that the inspector can make sure everything’s fine.

At noon a knock lands upon my door. I open it and see a towering black man standing in the doorway. He’s at least six feet tall, at least four feet wide, and is wearing a hard hat. A grin spreads across his face.

“It’s the LOOOOOVEEE DOCCCTORR!!” he proclaims.

He remembers me from last time I didn’t pay my gas bill. I remember him, too. He told me stories about housewives seducing him as he turned their gas back on. It was fascinating.

As he walks around the house on his way to the water heater, heater, and gas meter he keeps singing one line.

“It’s hard out here for a piiiiiiiimmmmmmmmmmp”.

It’s a line from the mediocre movie, Hustle and Flow. After lighting the water heater he stares into space for a second. He snaps back.

“Hey. I wrote a song for R Kelly. I don’t know how to get it to him or anything. You want to hear it?”

Of course I do. He sings it and it’s actually really good. Even more impressive, it SOUNDS like an R. Kelly song. We chat a little more and I offer to make him a CD with my songs on it. He sees my microphone and asks if I record here. Yes. Can he come by some time and record? Sure. He agrees to record a chorus or two for my songs.

Later I go to have dinner with Evan and she mentions that she owns half of a booking agency. An hour later she texts me that she can get me a gig at a number of really cool venues here in Austin.

How cool is that? Any Austinites who read this can come see me rap live. I just have to make some more songs first. Best of all, I’m going to invite the gas guy, a.k.a. Roller Coaster, to sing with me.


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11 responses to “Roller Coaster”

  1. Sir Turj Avatar
    Sir Turj

    Whoop that trick, Tynan! But I’m not sure what upsets me more: that housewives are such sluts or that they’re giving it up to some 4 foot wide fat ass.

  2. Russell Crosswy Avatar
    Russell Crosswy

    Sweet. Moving on up in your rap career. Props man. It’s all about the people you know to get you in the door. Then use your talent and determination to carry you through. Sweet man. Congrats!

  3. Eric Avatar
    Eric

    Sounds like big things are happening for you, Ty. You deserve it.

    In an earlier post, you mentioned having a gun. I’m looking to buy a pistol and was wondering what your careful buying brought you to. What do you think is the best out there?

  4. Kelsey Avatar
    Kelsey

    im waiting for the one about our day of fun ty!!

  5. Hu_Hefner Avatar
    Hu_Hefner

    Maybe I can hook up and rap with you as well, I go by the name “Bumper Cars”.

  6. Statcat Avatar
    Statcat

    When you have the talent, you just need a break. Don’t let this one slip man, it could be your only one.

    I’m friends with someone who owns a studio here in the UK, but unfortunately for me, my rapping skills are as follows: http://www.myspace.com/rapmasteruk.

    You have any mp3s kicking around we can hear?

  7. Hu_Hefner Avatar
    Hu_Hefner

    I think what Ben is trying to say is:

    You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
    You own it, you better never let it go
    You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
    This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

  8. NocLiq Avatar
    NocLiq

    Ty, Be sure to post the venue info for us Austin-ites.

  9. Stewen Wright Avatar
    Stewen Wright

    http://www.livescience.com/humanbiology/060627_bad_organic.html
    Do you like the taste of juicy organic apples from Washington? They’re not bad, but they could taste sweeter if each one didn’t involve a cup of gasoline.

  10. Spin Avatar
    Spin

    I just talked with Ty, he’ll be at “Tambaleo tonight doing Krunkaoke”. So, go support your favorite blogger at Tambaleo tonight “11ish”.

    Spin

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