If you tell someone who is into personal improvement that you compare yourself with others, his kneejerk reaction will be to tell you not to. This advice comes with no contemplation, and is offered because it sounds so noble that no one argues with it-- except for me. I think that it's valuable to compare yourself with others, if it's done habitually and strategically.
On a daily basis I internally compare myself to people less fortunate than myself as a way of remembering how incredibly lucky I am. I'd like to think that I'm responsible for the good in my life, but at the same time I know that if I was born in Liberia when it was caught in civil war, my life would have been far worse. While some comparisons may serve to pat myself on the back, mostly I gain appreciation for the opportunities that have been presented to me, and am reminded how important it is to seize them.
This is the only way in which I compare myself to those I don't envy. I don't rest on my laurels because I feel as though I've exceeded some people's accomplishments in some areas. I filter out those comparisons, and only derive gratitude.
I also compare myself to the very best. When I evaluate my poker game, I compare myself to my friend Todd V., who plays in some of the highest limit games in Vegas and tends to be one of the best players at the table in these games. When coding or designing our startup, I don't compare us to other startups in similar positions, but rather to those who have succeeded and have much more money and labor available to them. I don't stack my diet up against what the average person considers healthy; instead I model it after the most healthy diet I can imagine.
These comparisons don't serve to make me jealous or discouraged. Like the filters in place for considering the less fortunate, I filter out everything but aspiration. I see these people as being examples of what can be done, and define success as meeting or exceeding what they've been able to do.
I don't mean to say that comparing yourself to others is always a good thing; only that it can be a good thing. It's a natural tendency, so rather than fight it, why not gently nudge in a direction that can help you feel grateful for what you have, and motivated to do more?
Reminds me of Steve Pavlina's take on Ego:
If you're gonna have an ego - inevitable from a human perspective - then just make it the best ego you can :) Why resist what's so when you can just guide it along a path that inspires you instead
Tynan, I would see you comparing yourself to a start up guy like a Zuckerman instead of a poker player.
Also: don't be afraid to jump on board a winning idea that isn't your own. I know some guys that grouped together and bought $500,000 in facebook shares a year ago. These guys are now very rich
I'm glad you made this post. I almost died of alcohol poisoning very recently, so I made a vow to myself to quit forever. While I was agonizing and wondering whether I would live or die, I was comparing myself to Steve-o who got off his drugs and reportedly is really healthy and all vegan now. Some kid has the nerve to tell me "You shouldn't do that" (compare yourself to others) while I am barely hanging on to life. It just really makes me mad when people just blurt out stupid one-liners that "sound good" but have no real thought or value attached to them.
You're going to hit where you aim. Most people just prefer to aim low. My friends are accomplished womanizers, business magnates, artists, athletes. Half the time I feel like an ant, but then I'm always working to improve ... and without realizing, I'm in a place better than 99% of the population.
One knows that modern life seems to be not cheap, however some people require money for different things and not every person gets enough cash. So to receive good loans or secured loan should be a right way out.
Tynan what cool post!....Actley i want to get back at your at last post.Bag packs are cool enough even i have one!.I used bag pack just for going places tho.(: I had to put my bag lunch in there to...Its whats good for tho!.
The nature of the mind is to compare. If is done in a certain way, like you explain, you are turning a natural occurance, that can also go horribly wrong, into a powerful experience for yourself.
I also compare myself to the best. Then I immediately turn the focus where it belongs, on me.
In this way, I am able to learn from and draw inspiration from true masters but always focus on just giving all that I can to whatever I am doing without any concern if I match or exceed anyone. The cool thing is that whenever we give all that we can... we can always give a little bit more :)
good stuff man,
I was trying to generalize your exact thought one day. I've ended up with: "take any kneejerk reaction that says 'you should never do X." There's always a better version which says "you should not do X 90% of the time." Here your X is "compare yourself with others."
The reason this idea is even around is that when we compare ourselves to others, 90% of the time it is for bad reasons: to be envious or to be complacent. But like you pointed out the other 10% offers a lot of value if we recognize that 10%. As a poker player, I'm sure you know that usually the answer to a question is always "it depends."
Tynan, great post! Anyone who says they don't compare themselves with others is not being honest with themselves. We always make comparisons with others. It's part of the way human beings learn.
When I was a child, I learned so much from my father and mother by watching what they did. The good things I tried to emulate. The things that didn't work well, I discarded. As an adult, I have done similar things most of my life. It's served me well.
If you pay attention, and learn the "art" of listening, it's amazing what you can learn about life from other people. So many people are so busy trying to show how smart they are, that they don't actually try to understand anothers point of view. They simply want to debate it. If you listen to truly understand someone's perspective, you can make an informed opinion of it.
Again, good post.
I guess it's a question of where you derive your value from. If it's from the idea that you have more than others then that's not a great basis.
On the other hand, recognizing one's blessings (pretty much most people in the US) I think actually gives you a perspective out of your own narrow ego thoughts. I feel responsible to use my freedom and privileges knowing others would do anything for them.
Likewise, reading the stories of other people who've accomplished great things inspires me and gives me hope that I can do the same like living in a RV for example.
I occasionally mention my diet, which has spawned some questions in a recent thread as well as in my survey results.
So this week I'm going to explain my diet in detail, focusing on what I eat, why I eat it, and the facts behind the food.
The ideas aren't mine originally, and I'm certainly not the only person to eat this way, but I call it the MaxDiet because there is no formal name for it, and from the research I've done it appears to be the best possible diet.
Everyone always told me "just be yourself." For some reason, I found it hard to do this. I recently realized that I did not know how to be myself, only because I wasn't sure of who I truly was just yet. Being in high school puts a lot of pressure on most of us, we always have to fit in with the cool kids and what not. Also being home with parents around I never found the chance to express myself truthfully. Not to mention all the silly high school rules about our appearance or the way we are supposed to act.
I have always lived in suburban areas where everyone wore the same thing and if you weren't then you couldn't be cool. As sad as it is, I think this is because people are scared in a way of those who are different. Since moving to Toronto, I have been able to explore the extremely multicultural aspect of the city, as well as the openness towards bizarre trends and types of people of the city. I also believe that going to University has allowed me to express myself better through my art and more flexibly with my personality and appearance.
At this point in my life, I am finally at peace with who I truly am. I wouldn't say that this was done over night. It definitely took me some time to adjust and understand that I do not have to be like everybody else and fit perfectly into the mould. This, I think, also applies to other issues in our society which I won't get into right now but might be addressed in a later post.
Back to my original thought; I did not accomplish this overnight. Meditation has definitely helped me in accomplishing these things. Also living in a more mindful way and seeing things from a different perspective, having my own opinions and ideas has enabled me to be more comfortable with who I am and want to be. But most importantly, I have given myself some time to just be on my own. I am much more confident and I am able to express myself through art more comfortably and meaningfully.
All of this to say, be yourself.