I woke up and stumbled to the front door to check for packages. I wasn't really expecting one, but you can never be too sure. To my surprise there was a small brown box waiting on the doorstep for me. What had I ordered? I couldn't remember. I walked back inside and tore the package open.
Inside was a book and a board game. Not just any book and board game, though - they were abominations thrust in in front of my virgin eyes. The game was called A Hot Affair and the book was Penthouse: Naughty by Nature: Female Readers' Sexy Letters to Penthouse. Confused, I check the shipping address. Sure enough they weren't meant for me.
They were my neighbor's.
I still haven't returned them. Any ideas on fun ways to do it? If someone comes up with something interesting I will do it and video it.
A guy named Zachary Bleu recently started a blog. Like any smart blogger, he linked to Better than your Boyfriend. Through the magic of science and the internet I can see all the sites who link to me, so I always check them out. I need to make sure no one is besmirching my good name! I think his focus is going to be his upcoming transition to polyphasic sleep, but he had one post about ambigrams. For those of you who haven't read Angels & Demons (instant review : written by Dan Brown, author of The Da Vinci Code - read it!), an ambigram is a word drawn so that it looks the same upside down. After reading Angels and Demons, I spent a good amount of time trying to make one with my name. It wasn't easy, and the results weren't good.
I commented on the ambigram post on Zachary's Blog, and I was surprised when he IMed me the next day with a link to an ambigram he made for me!
Yesterday on the way to work I stopped by my mailbox. I have no idea why I can't just have my own mailbox on my property like people have had for millions of years, but in my subdivision we have these stupid communal mailboxes. Because of the added hassle of finding the key (who is going to steal my mail, seriously?) and walking down to the mailbox, I don't check my mail more than once or twice a week.I sifted through the tall stack of mail. Bills, checks, magazines, and tons of advertisements for crap I don't want. As I neared the bottom of the stack a small envelope caught my eye. It was addressed to "Black Tie", my rap name. The return address was just a smiley face. Strange.
I turned it around and on the back was a lipstick kiss mark over the seal of the envelope. A lady!
I carefully opened the envelope, but there was no letter inside. Just a sticker that said "I'm famous / you just don't know it yet". I laughed.
How did she get my address? It's not like it's some huge secret - there ARE ways to figure it out. That takes effort, though. The postmark was from New Jersey and I don't really know anyone in New Jersey other than my aunt (pronounced Auuuunt), uncle, and little cousins. Maybe I should be creeped out or something, but I think it's awesome. Steve said the other day "Tynan, I don't know anyone who needs attention as much as you do." I don't know about NEED, but I certainly do appreciate it. So thanks mystery woman.
For your viewing / sleuthing pleasure, here are pictures of the fan mail :
Interesting, I've never thought about making an ambigram of my name. Now I've got something to doodle when I'm bored, thanks!
Write a song about it.
One of the verses should contain:
I opened up the packages, unaware
they weren't addressed to me, I swear
Penthouse letters, "A Hot Affair"
Keeping them myself would be unfair...
Unless you want to share?
Make sure you confront your neighbor as he comes in with his wife, gf, so, children or pastor.
Also, present the items with a flourish at the appropriate time.
Videotape the whole thing and when your neighbor denies that the items in question belong to him auction the video tape along with the package on ebay.
Alternatively, send them to your fan in NJ :)
That ambigram is very cool. I tried making one for Magnus but it's either impossible or I lack any kind of artistic talent.
Today I came home from having dinner with my parents and I picked up my mail. I hadn't checked it in a while, so there was a buildup of flyers, bills, and solicitations. Nothing too interesting. As I came to the bottom of the stack I saw a hand written envelope.
It wasn't written to me, though. It was addressed to the former resident.
I flipped it in my hands for a half a second and decided to open it. I thought to myself that it was my duty to check it. Maybe it was important. Really, I'm just too curious for my own good.
Originally Posted: Wednesday, August 4, 2010
If you've ever worked with customers, then you know how ridiculous they can be and some of the hilarious (albeit stupid) things they say. Here are a few for you from my everyday work life. Enjoy.
"I'm at work, I don't have my driver's license." -- I get this EVERY day. Weird how I'm at work and I have MINE.
"The last time I used the ATM was yesterday when I bought something from Best Buy." Yea, I have to say "ATM Machine" DAILY so people know what I'm talking about.
"F as in Fat, L as in Love." Then she giggled like a little school girl.