My mom once joked that I make her look like my enemy on my blog. The force that I rebelled against as a youngster was my parents, so they get painted as the opposition sometimes. I'm proud of this rebellious streak, and attribute some of my success to it, but also know that I would have none of what I have if it wasn't for them.
Even ignoring the all-trumping donation of their genetic material, my parents, along with the rest of my family, are unquestionably the biggest positive force in my life. Although it doesn't usually make it into sappy blog posts like this one, the truth is that every single day, I think about how incredibly lucky I am to have such incredible parents. If I dwell on the thought too long, I find myself fighting back tears of gratitude.
As someone who enjoys a huge degree of personal freedom, I am only now beginning to be able to comprehend the sacrifices that my parents have made for me. I was a difficult child even before I was born, giving my mother 36 hours of labor before finally popping out into the world. From that time until long after I left the house, she and my father put my needs above their own. It's fair to say that for most or all of that time, I didn't realize how profound this sacrifice was, let alone acknowledge it.
My mother taught me to eat healthily long before I would accept it or even entertain the idea. Despite my immature ridiculing of it and the high cost, she continued to buy organic vegetables to feed my siblings and I. Until seeing what was in other people's fridges, and actually grocery shopping for myself, I didn't realize how much more difficult and expensive it was to feed us healthy food.
She also prohibited us from watching TV, other than educational shows. I hated this and fought it, only to be told that I would some day be glad. She was right-- the productive time I have now for programming and writing, which otherwise may have been spent on a TV addiction, I owe to her.
Mom also taught me to be stubborn and independent. I'm sure that she regretted passing this particular trait down during our frequent arguments about school, but I'm glad to have the ability to stand my ground now.
My father always did everything around the house by himself. He knocked down walls, rewired houses, fixed appliances, and plumbed things. I doubt we ever called a service man of any type. More than the technical skills and hand-me-down tools my father gave me, he taught me that it was okay to tackle a project without quite knowing how I'd be able to finish it. It took me a while to fully appreciate it, but he also taught me that it was important to do things well. With him, nothing was ever slapped together haphazardly.
He also has an amazing ability to put aside his own biases and be unconditionally supportive. Before my friends and I bought our school bus, he told me not to do it and warned that it was a big mistake. But once I defied him and bought it anyway, he helped make sure it wasn't a mistake by showing up with snacks and a trunk full of tools. Once we'd finish one part of the project, he would be the first one to say, "Okay, what's next?" and keep things moving.
Together, my parents created a household full of love and almost devoid of conflict. Indeed, any conflict I can think of was created by myself. I never saw my parents fight until close to the end of their marriage, well into my adulthood. Even that separation was done amicably.
My parents have always encouraged me to be independent and allowed me to follow my own path. When I was invited to go to Taiwan for the summer with my friend Charlie, they let me go. When I began to be interested in computers, my mom bought me a stack of computer books that I read cover-to-cover, and my dad built a wall-to-wall counter in my room to hold the four computers I bought at neighborhood yard sales.
Even though my parents were upset when I dropped out of school and became a professional gambler, they eventually accepted my decision and even allowed me to gamble under their names. With no condescension or resentment, they gave me the rest of my college money, knowing I would invest it in gambling. They always allowed me to make my own decisions.
When, at twenty, and funded only through gambling money, I wanted to buy a house, they let me get a home equity loan on their house, since I didn't have the credit for a mortgage. I don't think I've ever received such an unequivocal display of faith.
I can share little anecdotes, but I'm finding it impossible to articulate the immense gratitude I have for my parents, for the perfect childhood they gave me, and for the amazing siblings I shared it with. I've seen so many people whose lives seem to be spent reconciling events that took place in their childhood, an obstacle I've been spared. I know that whatever I've done with my life has only been possible thanks to the foundation put in place by my parents, and that only a small part of my happiness is truly due to my own effort.
Thanks, Mom and Dad.
Also due a tremendous amount of thanks is the rest of my family: my grandparents, aunts and uncles, siblings, and cousins.
Cool, Tynan. I can see where you would have to fight back tears writing it because I fought back tears reading it. I feel the same about my parents. I am a mother of a ten year old and I can see now how natural it is to do whatever you can to make the greatest life for your kids, but ever in growing appreciation for what my parents went through to bring me up.
I recently went through and unsubscribed from a boatload of email newsletters, but yours will continue to stay on my list. Thanks for putting great stuff into the world.
My admiration and pride for you is immense. We had our "issues" but I would not change a thing. You have done well for yourself and you have regularly left me in amazement with your exploits!!
Beautiful post! I feel the same way about my family, I'm so lucky to know them.
Your parents sound like great people. :)
Wow. Your folks put a lot of us parent-y types to shame. Well-done, Tynan's parents. And, well-done, offering this public Thanking.
@Charlie Thanks! I owe a lot to your family, too!
@Dividendium Yeah, we're all very different, but rebellious in our own ways.
Just curious...did your siblings pick up the same rebellious/independent streak?
I had always kind of gotten the impression that you were an only child.
Hey Tynan nice post. Even if it doesn't appear to be so, it has ton of value. It's a reminder for all of us to be grateful for everything we enjoy! (which counteracts all the media bs and the negativity out there -- You're living man, enjoy it, coz it won't last forever! Do you need anything else?)
--The non native english man.
This is part of an ongoing series. If you haven't read them already, read :
I wrote out this entire post before, and then the computer crashed and I lost it all, so I haven't felt like working on it. Finally, I'm biting the bullet and starting over :
I’m very blessed to have a mother like mine. Growing up she always offered words of wisdom involving love, sex, and relationships. My mother never felt shame or embarrassed to teach my brother and I what all parents should teach their children. Examples: Oral sex is gross. You shouldn’t put what people use to go to the bathroom in your mouth. And, if you do it one time you will have to do it all the time. ALL THE TIME. Masturbation is private, don’t tell anyone about it. Have sex with the man before you marry the man. You never know what kind of sex he likes to have, like rape sex. Girls who have hair on their stomachs have sex. Apparently, dicks are the miracle grow to thick and full happy trails.
So, my mom wasn’t exactly accurate in all of her statements but luckily I knew she was crazy long before. My mom didn’t know everything there was to know about sex. As a Korean woman, how could she? She lost her virginity to my father and he has been the only man she has ever been intimate with. She wasn’t exactly at the top of the list for people I would go to for sex advice. Then the day came when I taught my mom something about sex. In high school, when I played straight I dated a boy named...we will call him Harry. One night Harry threw a party, I went, I played, I helped clean, I left. I had lied to my parents so I could attend the party past curfew and spent the night at a friend’s house. We didn’t get in until 4 in the morning. Later that day, Harry showed up at my friend’s house with breakfast. We spent the day walking around the state park and taking pictures. It was cute even a little romantic.
The next day, I was sitting in my yearbook class when my friend Alex came to the open door and silently waved me out of class. She had some dirt and was very eager to share it with me.
Alex: “So last night after you left…Harry fingered Lindsay.”
My first thought was, “Lindsay IS pretty good looking. What did she want with Harry?” Not that Harry wasn’t cute. He worked at a local pizzeria and I found him to be quite darling. He was very plain looking but outgoing, funny, and charming. I just liked being around him. Lindsay was younger and ran with a different crowd. It was unexpected and I didn't even remember seeing her at the party.