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How I Became a Famous Pickup Artist : Part 3

This is part of an ongoing series. If you haven't read them already, read :

How I became a Famous Pickup Artist Part 1
How I became a Famous Pickup Artist Part 2

I wrote out this entire post before, and then the computer crashed and I lost it all, so I haven't felt like working on it. Finally, I'm biting the bullet and starting over :

The Time I Didn't Get 'Pingered'

On The Constance Chronicles

I’m very blessed to have a mother like mine. Growing up she always offered words of wisdom involving love, sex, and relationships. My mother never felt shame or embarrassed to teach my brother and I what all parents should teach their children. Examples: Oral sex is gross. You shouldn’t put what people use to go to the bathroom in your mouth. And, if you do it one time you will have to do it all the time. ALL THE TIME. Masturbation is private, don’t tell anyone about it. Have sex with the man before you marry the man. You never know what kind of sex he likes to have, like rape sex. Girls who have hair on their stomachs have sex. Apparently, dicks are the miracle grow to thick and full happy trails.

So, my mom wasn’t exactly accurate in all of her statements but luckily I knew she was crazy long before. My mom didn’t know everything there was to know about sex. As a Korean woman, how could she? She lost her virginity to my father and he has been the only man she has ever been intimate with. She wasn’t exactly at the top of the list for people I would go to for sex advice. Then the day came when I taught my mom something about sex. In high school, when I played straight I dated a boy named...we will call him Harry. One night Harry threw a party, I went, I played, I helped clean, I left. I had lied to my parents so I could attend the party past curfew and spent the night at a friend’s house. We didn’t get in until 4 in the morning. Later that day, Harry showed up at my friend’s house with breakfast. We spent the day walking around the state park and taking pictures. It was cute even a little romantic.

The next day, I was sitting in my yearbook class when my friend Alex came to the open door and silently waved me out of class. She had some dirt and was very eager to share it with me.

Alex: “So last night after you left…Harry fingered Lindsay.”

My first thought was, “Lindsay IS pretty good looking. What did she want with Harry?” Not that Harry wasn’t cute. He worked at a local pizzeria and I found him to be quite darling. He was very plain looking but outgoing, funny, and charming. I just liked being around him. Lindsay was younger and ran with a different crowd. It was unexpected and I didn't even remember seeing her at the party.

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