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You might wonder why I haven't mentioned a word about WifeQuest 9000 since posting a post saying I'm single. Maybe you've assumed that things are going really poorly, and I don't want to talk about it. That might be what I would have assumed.
The truth is that I've had to wait because of a prank that needed to happen...
After writing that post, I got way more responses than I anticipated. This swamped me with email, especially because I didn't lay out any sort of process for introducing me. So some introductions had pictures, some didn't; some had locations, some didn't; some were directly to me, others directly to the girl, others to both. It quickly became a mess and I fell behind in returning emails.
So, first, if I didn't write you back, or if you introduced me and I didn't thank you: sorry. I got overwhelmed and was traveling at the time. The quality of introductions was really good and I'm grateful for them.
As all of this tapered off, I got one late introduction. It was from a girl named Chloe. I met her and her husband once at Samovar, and we've exchanged a few emails over the years. She CC'd me with a girl named Justine, with a full intro about her.
My first inclination was to add it to the list of "emails to get to", because I was already behind on email, and second, because it wasn't clear Justine knew that she was being introduced. A few of the intros I got seemed to be blindsiding the girl ("Here's my friend's #, you should call her!"), and I tended to avoid those.
A few days later, Justine wrote back. In her email signature was a link to her website, which hosted links to facebook, twitter, github, and instagram. I clicked Instagram and...
...well, before I get to that, let's go back a few months.
It was the second day of our cruise, from Vancouver to Tokyo. We were seated at lunch with other passengers who happened to have gotten to the restaurant at the same time as us. A nice couple started telling us stories, and mentioned that they had daughters...
"That's great news," I said, "because I'm about to start dating again on January first. Let's set up an arranged marriage to save me some time..."
I always like joking around with the older generations on cruise ships. Actually, I like joking around with anyone. The woman played along, and soon I was preemptively calling her "mom".
Over the following two weeks, we ran into each other a lot. They joined us for tea one morning, and she came to our business-lunch event one day and offered advice. I'd call her mom whenever I saw her, and she'd sometimes show up with a picture of her daughter, always a little too distant to really see. I'd try to swipe to see another picture, and she'd say, "No... maybe tomorrow. Too much for today."
We got in trouble once for whispering in the back of the theater, planning what we were going to do in Russia. She didn't give a hoot about the shushers, that's for sure.
Emails were exchanged, but life is so different and strange on the high seas that you never actually end up staying in touch. And we didn't.
But now maybe you can guess what I saw on Instagram. I saw my cruise mother and father staring back at me. Justine's parents.
I wrote Justine back immediately. No time for smalltalk. You're not going to believe this, but...
So we met up, and clicked. I had to double check with myself that I liked her, and not just this amazing story that I'd get if we really did start dating. We've been dating for a few months now, and things are great.
Of course, this whole post had to wait until we could play a prank on her parents. It's not often in life you're handed such a beautiful setup for one. But that's another story...
Somehow I have no usable pictures of the two of us yet, so instead a picture of the cruise ship I met her mom on.
We have surprised her parents since I wrote this. Currently trying to get permission to use the video.
Heading across the Atlantic on Sunday on another ship! Can't wait to meet more mothers!
My motorcycle gave me three years of virtually no problems. Then water got into the tank and caused it to intermittently stop running. A week after I had that fixed, the fuel pump broke, maybe because of the water issue. Once that was fixed, the bike felt better than ever, and I felt good making a 200 mile round-trip journey to Carmel, CA with Justine on the back.
Our ride down was as pleasant as a three hour ride on a small street bike can be. Our legs cramped up a bit, and the backpack I fastened to the tank slid around, but the beautiful scenery of the pacific coast highway kept us pleasantly distracted.
After a visit to Carmel that went by too quickly, we loaded up the motorcycle again and headed back on Sunday afternoon.
We took highway one up to Santa Cruz, and then decided to take route 17 over the mountain to save some time and see something different. The bike charged up the mountain until we were about 90% of the way to the top, and then it died.
Let's say you're going to put ten hours of effort into something, either a project or a habit. Your goal, or one of them, is to get as much out of those ten hours as possible. What will be important at the end isn't the number of hours put in, but the results.
One of the factors contributing to how effectively you spend your time is how you divide it. Do you do it all in one chunk? Ten one-hour chunks? Six hundred single minute chunks?
The answer to that depends heavily on the task, but for many habits, daily execution is ideal. You can break something huge like language learning into daily chunks that are manageable. You get the benefit of constant forward momentum. It's easy to remember that you're supposed to do something every day.
Someone asked, at a recent reader meetup in Budapest, how I do things every day. At this point it's such a fundamental part of who I am that I don't have an immediate answer other than: I just do them. But having to answer an earnest question made me think about it in depth. I used to be the kind of person who couldn't do anything on a regular daily basis. What changed?
You don't have to look very far to see indicators that maybe we don't have the best relationship with food. Most people are overweight, unhealthy, and making little to no effort to change those things. These are, presumably, good people who want to do what's best for themselves and their families.
The problem with our relationship with food is that it serves as both fuel and as pleasure, and the pleasure aspect hijacks the fuel aspect. How often do you eat what you need rather than what you want?
I get as much pleasure from food as anyone else. I had mandarin gelato in Rome a few days ago that was unspeakably delicious. And even though I eat the same thing every day when I'm not traveling, I really do love my sardines and Chipotle. But I always think of food as fuel primarily.
There's a range of entertainment, from positive stuff like physical activity and museum-hopping down to doing methamphetamine. Each of these has positive and negative aspects, but the former side of the scale is overwhelmingly positive, while the latter is overwhelmingly negative.
I can't imagine that working at a car rental place is much fun. Especially if you're working in Las Vegas and the line is full of angry customers who have waited an hour only to be barraged with company-managed upsells. I wasn't angry, but I was definitely in line for about an hour waiting to pick up my rental car in Las Vegas.
My friend and I got to the front of the line, and immediately started jokng with the woman behind the desk. We said that we'd like an upgrade to a car with spinning rims, and that it must be good for drive-bys. When she laughed and feigned terror, we invited her into the "business". By the end we were laughing together and she upgraded us to a convertible for free after quietly mumbling "There's a promotion..."
Cruising down the strip in our cherry Sebring Convertible, we talked about the merits of just being friendly and joking around with people.
Fundamentally, people want to get along. My sister went to a plant nursery that was slammed on Yelp for having an unfriendly and sour owner. She made it her mission to be friendly every time in, and eventually they became friends. Few people are really mean and nasty people by nature, rather than by circumstance.
My friend Jimmy was working on his business, Minaal. Every once in a while, when you're really working hard, you need to come up for air and take a break. You want to do something that uses the opposite side of your brain to give the analytical side a break. Not sure if that's how the biology works, but it feels like it.
Anyway, his break was to practice the Dr. Dre art of "Forgot about Dre", a gangsta rap classic from 2001. He and I both like karaoke, and that's our traditional duet.
In between rapping and getting back to work, he fired off an email to me suggestion a blog post: the importance of having varied interests.
Tonight I was hanging out with a few of my favorite people in Tokyo. We were talking about people we met while traveling, and one person in particular that we had met at the same time.
I really agonized over the purchase of my latest jacket. For about fifty dollars more, I could get a jacket that was .8 ounces lighter than the other one. It sounds crazy just writing that. In the end I found a deal to get that jacket for the same price, so I was spared the agony of having to make decision.
Managing every ounce in a backpack sounds ridiculous. I get it. It seems like obsession gone awry, excess for its own sake.
But a couple weeks ago, walking through Budapest, I decided to take my backpack with me for the day. I wasn't sure if I'd find some time to sit and do some work, and we were thinking of going to baths, where I'd prefer to have my own soaps. But, as it was our first day in a new city, there would be a lot of walking.
We barely took public transport, instead walking miles up and down streets, across bridges, and up a huge hill for the view. And, for maybe the first time, I realized that I didn't notice the weight of my bag at all. At nine pounds or so, it was so light that it didn't encumber me in any way.
I'm not sure how many countries I've visited in the past year, but the fact that I have no idea gives you an idea. Four in the past week, if you don't count the US. A lot of good flight deals popped up, and I booked them more quickly than I could ask myself if traveling constantly was really the best use of my time. But here I am, in the air between Budapest and Amsterdam, on the last round the world I have booked.
On these trips I've been to a bunch of new places. There wasn't a single one that left me unable to find something to love of the city, but certainly some were better than others. Budapest, totally unexpectedly, is one of the best new places I've been in a long time.
That's not to say that it's objectively better than anywhere else, only that it fits my peculiar tastes remarkably well. I flew into Budapest without being able to list with certainty a single country Hungary borders. That's a good indicator of how little I knew about the city. I figured, like other European cities, I'd go to museums, walk around the city, admire the architecture, and eat delicious unhealthy food. I did those things, but also found a lot more.
Budapest is beautiful. It straddles the Danube river with three different bridges, and along those banks are beautiful old European buildings. But go a bit further in and you also see really well done modern architecture, sometimes integrated with old buildings.
I think that there are two main things worth building in life, not as ultimate life goals, but as valuable waypoints to whatever goals you may have. Those two things are an amazing group of friends and enough money to survive for a long time.
To some people, mostly those who have already done it, that sounds easy and obvious. Others will have done one, but not the other, and only one seems difficult. And to those who haven't achieved either yet, maybe both sound difficult.
But regardless of how easy or difficult these things seem, maybe we can all agree that they're possible and helpful. After all, plenty of other people have done these things already, and don't they seem to be benefiting from them?
Why these two things? Because they're universally beneficial and within reach of anyone. It's not often you can prescribe something universally. On the other hand, there's no simple answer as to how to get them. Each one relies heavily on our individuality.