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I Am My Own Biggest Fan

OK, it's confession time. I am a HUGE narcissist. I mean, obviously I think I'm the greatest, better than your boyfriend, etc. But at least that is all true beyond any doubt.

What I'm talking about today is different. I am my biggest fan. If I make a new song, I will listen to it for at least 24 hours on repeat. Often times I listen on my computer, then play it in the bathroom while I take a shower. When I'm in front of the mirror I lip sync and dance to my own music, imagining that I am performing it. Then after my shower I listen to it in the car while I drive.

Is this normal? Or at least healthy?

My workarounds

On Blogtopus

By the way, this blog is mostly for me to get my thoughts down at this point. Anyways, I have a learning disorder and I've developed certain ways to get around that. I am very good at changing course in the middle of doing something (probably way too good at it - I learned to give up and switch tracks a whole lot). I focus on a lot of little details and don't intuitively see the big picture. Intuition is hard, because for a very, very long time the way my brain has worked is to constantly be reassessing what's going on, and consciously choosing my next choice. This worked fine in school when I was given Truths and told to work to a logical conclusion, but in real life Truths aren't trustworthy. And I have generally had way too much faith in way too many Truths, and tried to fit them all together. It just doesn't work.

OK, so what other workarounds. I'm supposed to be "smart". You wouldn't know it from this blog, because I've been rambling, and frankly of late I've been letting my mind go to shit. But I breezed through school. I came from a pretty lower class family, my dad making maybe $30k most years. My mother gave me a good head start on academics when I was young, made sure I knew my alphabet, did arithmetic cards, that sort of thing. I can't even remember the real name for them. Anyways I think I got a foothold in school at a young age and I held on to that. I mean, as a kid I was learning words way ahead of my age, dissecting them, learning Latin roots, stuff like that. I probably could have been a spelling bee psycho-whiz. Psychiatrist... ... Prodigy. If I'd studied for it. If I'd had motivation, and believed in myself. If I'd had guidance. 

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