Tynan and crew,

Be really careful about confusing confident self-awareness with narcissism. Narcissistic personality disorder, as Sean notes in the comments, means that you don't see other people as real people - in effect they are just extensions to be used by you for your needs, without regard to their happiness or safety. Narcissists are shameless,

Believing that your life has lessons and stories worth sharing - as you do , Tynan, and as a healthy audience agrees - is not narcissism, nor is desiring & executing a plan to not be part of the 9-to-5 drama that consumes so many lives.

There's actually a very very thick line between selfishness and narcissism.

I might recommend a book called Happier by Tal Ben-Shaha.

I don't think that being selfish is a bad thing. In Tibetan, compassion includes the self along with others. It's just a matter of being able to take into account the whole picture.

Also, I think everyone likes to feel needed. That their life has some impact and meaning in the world. Maybe, your grandfather got some sense of purpose (and feeling needed) by helping out the kid.

Can't say that I wholly agree with what you are saying. Not having read that particular book but having done a lot of research in my own right; complete narcissism can be thought of as being on the same spectrum (but on the opposite end of) complete selflessness. Neither end is good and our goal in life is to find a balance between leaving the most self-actualized life that we can, while at the same time, living it in such a way that it is not all about us and our individual goals, dreams, and aspirations. Is narcissism bad? Yes, but in your usage of the term, you seem to be equating (or at least implying that) any activity/idea that benefits you at the "expense" of others to be narcissistic. Which is (IMO) not correct....in fact that's on the opposite end of the spectrum and either extreme is not good. Again, narcissism is bad...very bad. But people who are not at least a little bit "narcissitic" end up being co-dependent. Neither state is ideal for the person or his/her family, friends, and associates.

I took some classes in Dharmsala, India where the Tibetan government is based and one item particularly stuck in my mind:

There are basically 4 kinds of people that can be likened to mangoes. Ones that look ripe, and are ripe. Ones that look ripe, and aren't... and the opposites (don't look ripe, but are, etc).

Its an interesting conundrum to run a successful site such as yours. It requires a certain amount of narcissism to write interesting posts that people like to read despite your natural tendencies.

Stephen, I stopped reading her post when she called Mother Theresa a 'productive narcissist' and then said that she had 'no empathy.' What??

This post has been on my mind lately, and in particular this:

"Being a narcissist enables me to believe that it's reasonable for me to totally disregard standard employment, because I'm "special""

I think there's a real distinction between narcissism and confidence, and I think empathy really is the switch that flips it between the one and the other.

That's consistent with a definition of narcissism that entails inhabiting your own reality, because empathizing with nobody is that.

A friend posted this quote on Facebook today. Williamson invokes God but I think the quote resonates whether you're down with that or not:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Marianne Williamson

For me, the value in your writing, Tynan, is that it serves as an example of someone actively confronting his own fears and pushing against them to explore. And the reason that's valuable to me is that I empathize with you, I believe we are the same, and so when I see you do something I think, oh, I can do that, too; why am I not?

That's always been the way you've depicted it, too, it's what your books are about: "Here's what I have done, and here's how you can, too."

To me, that's exactly *not* narcissism, it's confidence, because you're working to empathize with others as you do it. You're not eschewing normal employment because you believe you are fundamentally better than other people. It's just your willingness to try it, which is just confidence and how you relate to fear.

Now, myopia and short-sighted selfishness are different things and I don't know many people who don't struggle with them, like I said in my prior comment. But I think you're safe from narcissism exactly because your tone is always encouraging: "I did this; so can you."

"...that you're immediately drown*..."
*drawn

The gods of written English will smile if you change this.

Keep the good stuff coming ;)

Check out this post by Justine Musk that I read yesterday:

http://tiny.cc/4wzyd

I found both your post and hers very interesting!

You must know some pretty special people if they lived and VT and weren't narcissistic. I've been here for over three years now and most locals I know are well, narcissistic and have a great dislike of foreigners (interestingly only people from other American states, not actual foreigners).

Mind you this is a state with a very active secession movement.. hah.

Good post. One of the more striking lines: "It fuels me with the bravado necessary to get on a stage in front of a crowd and share stories with my life." It's certainly true - you do have to think highly of yourself to a certain extent to earn fame or a position of influence (rich, executive, etc.). Narcissism in the sense of loving yourself isn't bad in of itself - it's more the corollary selfishness that might cause problems when it's excessive. Hard to strike a balance, isn't it? We were made to be selfish. That's why we tend to help people we know and people who benefit us or may benefit us in some way (e.g. reputation, in the way of the charismatic unselfish person), such as family or community - nothing's cut white and black and everything is meant to adapt to individual situation, so there's a wide range of variety, naturally, but that's where it generally tends to fall.

If you were fully altruistic, in the true sense, and entirely unselfish, there would be no reason for you to desire to stay alive unless it would help others that you did.

I'm sure you can work on things, but I don't think that your desire to write about your life as a living is inherently "narcissistic". You're simply proud of the life you are living. Doesn't mean you have your head jammed up your ass and don't care about anyone but yourself :P