This last wakeup seemed pretty good. I felt maybe slightly less tired than the previous ones.
This time I actually had dreams that I wasn't sleeping. Sounds weird, is weird, but probably less than it sounds.
I also experience some confusion when waking up. Each time I don't recognize that the alarm is the reason I'm awake.
I have the feeling this entry sounds crazy because I'm tired.
Coming up on 6 days in a row with no oversleeping.. not too shambly.
What's been helping me TONS is the game Battlefield 2. Now... I'm not much of a gamer. In fact, I'm not a gamer at all. This is the only game on my computer. I don't know what it is about this game - maybe it's the bullet sounds, maybe it's because it requires constant attention, or maybe it just engages me at just the right level, but this game keeps me awake.
Better than that, it wakes me up. I can come out of a nap completely bleary eyed, barely able to focus on the screen... 20 minutes of Battlefield 2, and I'm ready to cook breakfast, do laundry, and work on my site.
Wow is that just a bit pessimistic? Its just a thought, the general daily cycle of my life has been very shaken up from what I'm used to, but now this new shaken up messed up crazy life style has become my every day. And this new life is pretty simple, really high, really low, and times where I return to what used to be normal.
I wonder how I'm going to do this without reciting my life ._. But lets try and see what happens~! Everyone says: After the storm there'll be a rainbow. But is it just me who feels that after my rainbow comes the rain?
The every day mood I am in is generally pretty low (well nah ya don't say -.-), 'pretty low' being below 'ok', so when I get super happy, its always foreshadowed by the expectation, the anticipation for something terrible to happen.
Something good happens, something incredible (this is what I mean by my life's been shaken up, everything that happens these days are extremes) and then just as I get accustomed to the happiness, something horrible happens. Something that usually takes away the original good happening.
Jump? Yeah jump, every damn time. Because whatever good happens, its something I worked for, rarely a thing I do but now that I'm actually putting my energy into what I want, risking...what I'm risking I don't know but I assume I'm risking the fall.