Last night was rough. Waking from a nap in the middle of the night does not jive with me yet--daytime is much better. When waking from a nap in the middle of the night, your mind starts saying stuff like "what's the point of this shit", "maybe you should do this later, after school...you might fail your tests if you don't get sleep." It's funny how my mind has a bullshit generator installed and running in the background at all times to keep me safe. It will belch out some instant rationalization why I shouldn't move past my limits at the first sign of discomfort. Fortunately, in this instance, I'm able to recognize it and adjust accordingly.
I didn't have much to do last night, as I had little planning going in to this. We were supposed to start on Nov. 21st. Every activity, and every minute of every cycle were to be planned out in a spectacle of time-management, but we jumped the gun and just went for it, figuring we could always do that later.
I felt really good, alert, and positive after my 2:30 nap today, although my body is seemingly cold and hungry at all times. My low blood pressure causes me to have cold extremities most of the time anyways, so I can deal with it. Before the nap I had drowsiness and heavy feelings in my chest and of course eyes.
It's fucking early in the morning. I'm at Ty's house. Ty and Neetu are asleep, and I'm left here to battle it out on my own. The last two naps did nothing, except left me hanging in the middle of a sleep cycle. I have a constant dull pain/sleep signal going off in my forhead and behind my eyes. I felt some chest pain earlier. I have to pee a lot, and still very cold and hungry all the time. We went downtown to pass the time during the last cycle. I was too tired to really get into it, but damn did the time fly. We left quick to get back in time for the 1am nap, which sucked ass. My brain is fuxored, my eyes can't focus for very long at any one time. This must be what being addicted to pain killers is like. Maybe I will die.
On the plus side, I haven't had to drive for a few days thanks to my new chauffers Ty and Neetu.
I have a test next Monday and a paper due next Tuesday. I expect to hit some refreshing naps soon so I'll be able to study and get that done. People in my classes were like "you're going to have memory loss, you can't remember stuff on sleep deprivation."
Nursing at night is a common point of contention. I've read and heard so many comments about baby sleep patterns that are completely opposite of my experience, I wondered if the commenters even had kids. What were they doing that made their experience so much different than mine? Did I figure out the magic that allows me to sleep and feel rested without night weaning?
At first I didn't trust my experience because I only had one child. That's only one data point. Kids are so different. Sleep patterns can vary wildly from one child to another. Then I had my second kiddo. And that's when I started to feel like I was some weird phenomenon. I nursed two kids, at night, on demand, and still woke up most mornings feeling rested. What was I doing so differently?
This is about nursing at night, not just sleeping right? Yes. I've realized that my attitude around their sleep habits have allowed me to nurse at night, on demand, and get the sleep I need too. Because we cosleep and I don't freak out when they wake me up at night, I can nurse and fall asleep nursing like I was never awake. I rarely wake fully. My mind and body have come to expect the night nursing sessions and have adapted such that I can be available to them in a zombie like quasi sleep state. My mind is lucid enough to get a nipple to the right place, then I'm off to sleep again the next instant.