I did something really scary and dangerous today. I let myself quit.
It's the second day of my Month-of-Pickup, an intensive course correction aimed towards making myself extraverted and social again.
Yesterday was the first day. My friend and I set a goal of doing eight approaches each. We did it just as the mall closed, running around frantically looking for girls to approach. I was scared going in, but left feeling good.
Today we set the goal of approaching ten girls in two hours. I knocked out the first two quickly, then shuffled around for an hour making excuses. When it became obvious that I wasn't going to do the full ten, I let myself off easily and only did one more.
Three measly approaches in three hours. I'm just reacclimatizing myself to approaching, so I leave shortly after opening. That means that in a two hour "pick up session", I was actually talking to girls for about fifteen minutes, and making excuses for an hour and forty-five.
I should have risen to the challenge and started running around racking up the tally. I didn't. I let myself quit.
I've quit relationships because it was the right thing to do. I quit school because I didn't want what it promised. I quit a job.
That's all fine, because I was living up to my own standards, but when I quit something that I deliberately design for myself, that's a problem. Usually when I say I'm going to do something, I do it. Today I weaseled out.
I'm writing about this today because it's the only thing I can think about, because it's a useful idea to chew on, but also as punishment to myself. When there's a breach of internal trust, there needs to be consequences. One of them is publicly exposing my failure.
Beyond building a negative association to prevent similar action in the future, I don't believe in dwelling on mistakes, so I'm going to let this one go. The important thing is ensuring that it won't happen again.
Tomorrow, I will hand $500 to my friend, with instructions to keep it if I don't meet my goal for the day. He's a good enough friend that he would do it, too. I'll continue to do this every single day this month that we have goals entirely under my own control.
Between pickup and working on SETT, I'm probably not going to have much time or headspace for anything else. Apologies in advance if you aren't interested in pickup, because it's probably all I'll be writing about this month.
Photo is some broken glass in an abandoned building in Berlin.
If you want take the $500 stake to the next level, you gotta check out http://www.stickk.com/faq.php#stakes
I love their whole Anti-Charity thing;
" An Anti-charity is any organization whose views you strongly oppose, or one which promotes values that are most contrary to your own.
The purpose of an Anti-charity is to provide an added incentive for you to achieve your goal. By designating an Anti-charity as your Recipient of Stakes, you'll certainly work that much harder to ensure that your money never falls into the wrong hands. "
To be honest, after reading your blog for a long time - PUA is not worth your time and effort anymore. Sure, its fantastic at the start, building the base level confidence blocks which help in every other facet of life. But PUA also matures somewhat, cold approaches, negging etc. tends to loose out to just being a confident, approachable, friendly guy.
Life will take its course and you will be aligned with women around every turn. I just don't think PUA is necessarily for you anymore (and that is why you are getting the 'quitting' urge).
What you really should be doing with your time is carving out different paths through life, life nomadic absolutely inspired me in many ways, but this tenacity for the alternative has lapsed recently.
I would say, forget the PUA stuff - you dont need it, and start inspiring readers with new things.
Pictures from my apartment in Brooklyn after the superbowl!!!
People, lay off the hate. He doesn't like the way his skills have deteriorated, and he decided this was the best way to get them back up to an acceptable level.
Furthermore, he made this decision with much more knowledge of how PU works than all of you put together, I'd wager.
It's hard enough to psych yourself up to do this without all the keyboard jockeys trying to bring you down to their level.
C'mon Tynan, you're a cool guy.
And cool guys don't go running after girls to get a number of approaches within a certain amount of time.
Others have asked the same question: what is your goal? Establishing a world record of approaches within an hour?
Maybe quitting was the right thing to do here. Randomly meeting chicks at the mall when you are there to shop is cool. Running around the mall with the express purpose of getting numbers is frankly a bit weird and creepy. You're too old for this nonsense.
Just get into the habit of being very social everywhere you go with anybody you see and then it shouldn't be as stressful.
Becoming disappointed in yourself is a unique region in the realm of disappointment, because no amount of time and understanding makes it go away. The only remedy for it is to change yourself-- in fact, this is one of the best sources of motivation for self-improvement. I've recently become disappointed in my self, illustrated by these two strikes.
A common excuse from guys who fail to approach girls is that none of the girls are their type, or that none of them are attractive enough. Sometimes this is actually a legitimate reason for not approaching, but far more often it's an ego-preserving shield against actually facing the fear of approach.
I was lifting weights, and before I had even finished my warmup, I quit.
I wasn’t in pain and there was no logical reason for me to stop, but I did. I had just taken a few extra recovery days the week before so the problem wasn’t overtraining. I had slept well and eaten healthy the day of the workout, but for some reason I quit.
There appears to be some mechanism in our brains that’s geared toward survival and when I had the thought that maybe lifting weights wasn’t 100% necessary my body decided to conserve energy and give up on me. I allowed my body to control me as if I was an animal so, I had the idea to treat myself like one.
During my next workout I decided that not only was I going to finish my whole workout, but as punishment for giving up on myself I was also going to add 5 pounds to each lift. I decided that no matter what happened, I wasn’t going to leave until I got through my whole workout. And it worked. I completed each lift, and strangely enough the weights actually felt lighter than before.
I can’t tell you why the weights felt lighter, but I can tell you that increasing the amount I had to lift worked. Maybe it’s because I was more inspired by the higher goal and my body produced more adrenaline than it typically does. Maybe my body thought I would increase the amount of weight it would have to lift if it failed. I don’t know, and while I’m still not sure this is the best long term strategy to be using in the gym, I’ve been able to apply it to others aspects of my life quite successfully.