I write a lot about how people need to make decisions for themselves, work extremely hard, and get off the beaten path. Inevitably, people ask about normal people or people who don't have all the advantages that I have. Let me address that.
Any struggle I've had in my life is a joke. I was born into a great family who never had to worry about putting a roof over my head or food on my plate. I felt (and feel) loved by every member of my family, from my great grandparents down to my siblings. Any danger I've ever been in in my entire life was danger that I willingly put myself into. I was in good schools, had great friends, and was supported by everyone I knew. I've taken medicine once in my life, and it was 15 years ago for strep throat. I have had it incredibly easy.
The challenges in my life have been created by me. I have the incredible privilege to pick goals, set my own timetable, and then try to reach them. I don't have to worry about food or shelter or... really anything. So although I do try to challenge myself and work extremely hard, I am always completely aware that the level of challenge and effort I put out will never reach what some people deal with on a daily basis.
I watched a documentary called Inocente last week, and it made me cry. It's about a homeless teenage girl named Inocente. She was born into a destitute illegally immigrated family with an abusive alcoholic father. Her father beat both her and her mother. They left and became homeless. Her mother was so desperate that she tried to convince Inocente to jump off a bridge and commit suicide with her. Inocente lives by herself, in the park or in shelters, and spends every last free minute she has painting. Her biggest dream in life is to get married and have a house.
Sometimes I rant about marriage and houses and how those are crappy goals. But you know what? That's for people like me who have been spoon fed success from birth. I don't have issues like violent parents and homelessness to deal with. The journey Inocente has already taken, especially in terms of self development and unraveling issues that were forced on her, is probably tougher than anything I can hope to do in my life.
Maybe that's hyperbole, but I don't mean it to be. I have no conception of what it would be like to deal with stuff like that, and although I'd like to think that I'd be strong enough to deal with it-- who really knows?
I use Inocente as an example, but there are millions of people who have really tough lives. There are single mothers who have to work three jobs just to make rent and buy food. There are kids born into neighborhoods in Chicago where violence is a way of life. Babies are born addicted to drugs that their mother used. These are all struggles that I will never have to deal with, and chances are you won't have to deal with either.
Do I think that these people should be getting off the beaten path, eating healthy, and trying to impact the world? Well.... I think that they don't have time to deal with that stuff right now. They're struggling for the basics that were dropped in my lap, and that's the first step. You have to be able to eat before you can eat healthy. You have to have firsthand knowledge of the beaten path to know it's not for you. You have to have some stability in your own life before you can systematically plan to impact the world around you.
I have all of the respect in the world for people in these situations. It's partly because of them that I feel so motivated. Everyone's entitled to their own opinions on the subject, but personally I think it would be embarassing for me to not try to work as hard as these people. Can you imagine what a struggling single mother would think of me if I sat around watching TV all day? No appreciation for what I've been given-- what an insult!
How big is the gap between where Inocente was born and where she wants to go? From being homeless in an abusive family to being in a stable relationship and owning a house-- that's huge. I'd better be setting goals that span about that range and working as hard as she is.
So when I say things like "Weekends are a joke", people like Inocente already know that. She doesn't get two days a week off to do nothing, so I figure I don't either. When I try to rally people to action, I'm directing that towards people who have won the genetic lottery as I have, and feel like they aren't doing enough with what they were given. We may not have to hustle to survive, but we can benefit by acting as though we do.
Photo is a marble statue near the entrance of the MFA in Boston.
This false debate inevitably always comes up between the individualists versus the collective. One side argues for personal responsibility and that anything is achievable. The other side argues about the structural and situational, unjust challenges involved for the non-privileged. I take a middle ground approach personally.
On one hand, I think American culture tends to teach a false truth that everyone's is equal and can accomplish anything. That old dictum, "You can even become President." No, no you can't. People are in different living situations, that's just a fact.
On the other hand though, we always do have a decision we can make. Whatever our starting point is right now, we can decide what our next immediate action is going to be. And bit by bit, we can accomplish some great feats.
It's not so much that everyone is free and equal to accomplish anything in the world. It's that we do always have some amount of choice from where we are right now to where we want to be. It's a pseudo Existential approach to life.
Of course, the amount of will power and actual opportunities we have can vary. And for some people at some times, the pressures probably overwhelm and crush people. Where just making it through the day is a success in itself.
Also, I tend to favor asking what a person's problems or goals are right now. Preaching to a person never works. But if you can help them transform just one part of their life, it'll naturally extend to other parts of their life too.
But I would say for a lot of people, especially those reading this blog, most of those structural problems or disadvantages they think they have are probably exaggerated in their mind. I've spent a lot of time just realizing a lot of the obstacles I thought I had were self-induced.
Completely agree with this. When politicians and others harp on how poor people "have no chance," they are in effect creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Great post Tynan, which seems to me much more mature and compassionate than the one you did several years ago about libertarianism. Personal responsibility is important, yes, but there are also structures (economic, cultural, social etc.) which provide people with widely different opportunities in life. In order to be a person who eats well, is into personal development, and so on, one needs to have the basics secured and to have a basic level of education. Social science also very clearly shows how people's choices are determined, to a large degree, by their socio-economical background (and, I would add, by their genetic makeup). Freedom is an accomplishment, not a starting point for everyone.
Well, I completely agree with your premise that it is totally different for someone like you or me to be a "minimalist" etc.. However, at the same time, what these unfortunate people need more than anything is someone to inspire them. Someone to say hey you can do this! Because in their world, most people are worn out, broken down, negative, cynical, toxic...Even small choices like hanging out with more positive people and eating healthier are small steps to fulfill any goals they may have.
I've never had it as bad as a struggling single mother, but I would honestly say my hardships are the greatest gifts I have been given. I have met a lot of people who have had it made or had really rich parents and I wouldn't take their situation ever.
I was beat up and abused by my older brother who later died, right after he died my divorced parents abandoned me, I went down a dark road and lived all over the place when my only real family (friend I knew for 17 years) passed away.
I had depression for 11 years and had to go through tons of stuff (such as healthy eating) to learn how to combat it.
I wouldn't give that up for ANYTHING. Sure I'd love to get those people back, but the experience have had are invaluable. There is nothing else that could have happened to me to give me the knowledge I gained trhough overcoming those obstacles.
The scary thing is if you can't overcome them or are like Inocente and you literally don't have the resources. But I would say there is a great advantage to having hardship and a great disadvantage to having comfort. The people I knew who had it all while they were growing up don't take risks and seem to become upset much more easily.
I wouldn't be so hard on yourself, I think it is amazing you were able to do the things you did. You had to give up comfort and a lot of other things to get to where you are.
A good friend of mine started a youth run supper club in the
Bayview district (poverty / high crime) area of San Francisco. Her goal is to
get the kids out of poverty/trouble by helping them develop skills (i.e.
waiter/waitress, hostess, chef, etc.). Once I asked her why she didn't
push them to become engineers, doctors, accountants, etc because they were
easily smart enough to do it. Her response surprised me and changed the way I
thought. I'm paraphrasing, but it similar to what you wrote above. "Most of
these kids just want to have their own apartment some day and live to see
25." Huge gap for them.
Check it out (http://www.oldskoolcafe.org/)
Hi Tynan. I haven't commented in some time because I deal with the issues you talk about here rather than the stuff you address most of the time. I am the only one of seven children who graduated from high school and eventually got a bachelor's degree. The bachelor's degree is a massive waste of money. I had no way to understand going in what the term "communication" means to those in charge. For me, it's exchanging information, feelings and ideas with others. For the people designing the courses, it means a form of marketing (lying, basically). I never made a worse financial move. Of course, my non-understanding goes back to my background (poverty, alcoholism, etc.). I really like the comment someone made about people like me needing mentors, but I would expand that role beyond moral support to helping us understand the world people have made.
I count it as survival, not virtue, that I presently ride the bus 3 1/2 hours a day to do a temporary assignment using skills I acquired during my earlier college work, which involved effort but no loans. I lucked out on that one, although I'm the "wrong" gender for the Secretarial Science courses I took. I really don't see others as obligated to use their backgrounds, skills, etc., especially well. I know a wide variety of people, and I think some of them basically deprive themselves by staying in misery or inertia, but I don't seem them as harming me. Its serious enough that they harm themselves.
Some people criticize the venture into simpler living, minimalism, or leaving set careers for more fulfilling ones as attempted solutions to "first world problems." There are many books geared towards citizens of developed countries who have never had to deal with many real struggles, yet are unhappy and looking for something different in life. Critics say that these people are simply not appreciative enough,that they simply whine too much about their privileged surroundings.
While this is true in many cases, those who seek a life away from set job paths and money and possessions aren't just being unappreciative of what this comfortable life provides. Instead, I firmly believe that the only way to truly honor our privileged circumstances is to be truly happy with our lives, and seek out what makes our time on this earth meaningful and enriching. It's quite difficult to affect positive change when you feel miserable about yourself and your situation. When you're truly satisfied with your own choices and successes and failures, you can most effectively give to others in very impacting and supportive ways.
It would be such a disrespect, such an injustice to those who struggle to find food, shelter, and safety, for us to live our lives of excess with every amenity guaranteed, and not be happy with our lives. The only way to truly appreciate what you have is to find value and meaning in all that you do and experience. If we all work in a cubicle for 40 years of depression and misery, what have we achieved or offered to the world? I saw we follow what we love most, and pay respect through our passionate efforts to those who are fighting to survive.
A while back I read something about desire in the Judaic sense of the word. I'm not Jewish so I can't confirm if this is true or not and I read this many years ago so anyway this is how it goes.
According to what I read the Jewish have 2 meanings for the word 'desire'. The first interpretation of 'desire' is the one we are all familiar with - a longing for something. The second interpretation deals with the desire to give back to the world due to overwhelming abundance (a concept not many of us are familiar with). They gave an analogy of the first meaning of desire being the cup half full and our desire in this case to fill the cup to fullness. The analogy for the second meaning of desire was a cup running over it's edge and our desire in this case to pour the surplus our cup cannot hold into other people's cups so they may enjoy what we cannot make use of.
Anyway from my experience it seems like all of us have our own battles to face no matter where on the socioeconomic strata we fall. We like to think people richer than us are just rolling around in pure bliss all of the time with no problems at all in the world as they have all of their material needs taken care of. They have problems just like the rest of us and while they may be more mundane they still generate the same amount of pain and negativity that problems from lower wealth classes do. Given that I think you've hit the ball out of the park with this one. Only by being happy with our lives can we hope to invoke positive change into our world. Our cups need to run over with satisfaction and happiness to the point where we desire to help others out in less fortunate situations.
I think it is important to remember that, while a life of material gain is important only as a foundation, without the foundation, nothing can be built up. It is only after you know you will have a reliable source of food, shelter, clothing, and the relative certainty that you will not have to pick up and vacate the premises unexpectedly, that you can plan ahead and start to put the pieces in place to achieve larger goals using any surplus you might be able to create.
I will be unveiling a revamped version of my website in a few weeks called workercapitalist.com, the motto of which is, Vulnero nemo; succurro alius procul sulum vicis. That's Latin for Harm no one; help others at every opportunity. In order to do that I must proceed from the premise that I will not make myself a burden to others if I can possibly avoid it. Thus, I work first to provide for myself. If I am not self-sufficient, I will be in no position to provide for others. If I were married, that would be first to provide for myself and my family. In fact I would advise most people not to get married unless they are already each able to provide for themselves. It would be difficult to be equals in the relationship otherwise. It is only after those needs are met that any surplus can be used for the betterment of others.
If not, your largess is dependent on the generosity of others, and dependency offers neither freedom nor security.
To even start down this path requires one indispensable tool to be had first in modern society: an income stream. One of the great values of the kind of minimalism you advocate here is that it makes the amount of income necessary to provide the basics of survival for yourself as low as possible. With that, the willingness to learn, the willingness to do some hard work, and the ability to be honest with yourself as to your progress, everything else becomes possible. In that regard, I think this blog and others like it may be indirectly helping far more people than you know.
This is part of an ongoing series. If you haven't read them already, read :
I wrote out this entire post before, and then the computer crashed and I lost it all, so I haven't felt like working on it. Finally, I'm biting the bullet and starting over :
First of all . . . . I have to admit that Mother's Day is one of my favorite days of the year. In my case, I get to give my Mom a bit more TLC than usual. Well, she truly is the one person who's stood by me, my sisters, and my brother all of our lives without fail. This is a pretty amazing thing considering all the hardships we've been through. [caption id="attachment_927" align="aligncenter" width="463" caption="Guess who that baby is."][/caption] My Mom was given the name Lualhati and was born in a small town 3 hours north of Manila, Philippines in a very small farming town called Zaragoza (in the province of Nueva Ecija). Her Mom (my Grandmother) was Soccoro Roque, and her Father (my Grandfather) was Rafael Roque. She was a schoolteacher, and he was both a tailor and a farmer. They raised 4 children together in this sleepy little town where everyone knew each other. My Mom would grow up to be a school teacher herself and has taught at the elementary and grade school level for many years. She is arguably the most meticulous and organized person I know. (Her towels and bedsheets, for example, are stacked and aligned with precision on a color coordinated grid. I've always thought she might have had a wonderful career in the military. ) She's also the type of person who remembers other people's birthdays. She's very perceptive and incredibly shrewd. Incidentally, she's also quite beautiful . . . She's part of a long line of very beautiful women in my life that goes all the way down to my sisters and my little niece Lai. If my Mom has taught me anything (and she's taught me a lot, by the way), she showed me, by way of example, the importance of being there for the people you care about. My Mom continues to live a lifetime of being there for me and my whole family. She has been consistently dependable and supportive all of my life. It is because of her that I make every effort to be at my nephew's championship football games. It is because of her that I stay faithful to my closest friends. It is because of her that there has been and always will be a lot of love in my life. This is the stuff of life--a cherished lesson my Mom has unknowingly taught me. Happy Mother's Day, Mom, and thank you, for everything. Secondly . . . My Mom is not the only Mother in my family. My older Sister Leth is raising 4 lively and adorable children with her husband Danny. Here is her life's work in progress . . . . Here she is (yup, another beauty) . . . She also has a cool blog called LuluBelleSunshine. Check it out here. She blogs about all kinds of cool knitting patterns, easy recipes for delicious food (She's a very good cook with a knack for seasoning), and our family. While my Mom might be one of the most organized people I know, my sister is probably one of the smartest--one of those kinds of people who barely listened in class but still managed to get good grades--(yeah, one of those). She's a fast learner at just about anything, and as you can see by her knitting skills, she can succeed at anything she puts her mind to. So far, it's quite apparent that her son Tyler has inherited this special gift. Happy Mother's Day, Sis!! You get to celebrate this day for the rest of your life. Your kids are lucky and blessed to have you. We are all going out for a Mother's Day lunch. I'll take pictures and share them later. I hope this is a great day for everyone! -gordo