Continuing with the theme of weird things about me that could possibly point to some psychological conditions - I hate birthdays. Rest assured that it's not my birthday. I wanted to write this on my birthday, but instead I waited some amount of time so that no one would know when it is.
Yeah, that's right. I don't tell people when my birthday is. My family knows, since they were intimately involved in the event we're supposed to celebrate, but very few of my friends know. Kristen bribed me by making me a really cool clay rock for my fish tank, so I told her. The only two friends who called were Nicole and Nick, both of which I would have thought would never call. I've seen Nicole once in the past two years, and Nick has been in Pennsylvania for quite some time.
I don't know exactly what it is about birthdays. I just don't like people making a big deal out of it. I hate getting birthday presents (along with Christmas presents), and I hate it when people wish me a happy birthday. All these family members and Nick and Nicole called, and I ignored all of their calls. I didn't call them back either.
What's really peculiar is that I think that making a big deal out of me is a fantastic idea. If anyone wants to call me up today and tell me how glad they are that I'm alive, I fully support that. I would love to have that conversation with you. But if you call on my birthday I will probably ignore the call.
Part of it is the presents. The thought that somebody went out and bought me something out of obligation really kills me. I hate buying presents like that. If someone sees something that is great for me and buys it and gives it to me randomly, I am overjoyed. JLaix gave me a cool lighter from Spain and that made me happy. Acually, my friends and I give each other things pretty often and it's a good thing. I just hate that obligation. I also never get people presents on their birthday because I feel like the whole transaction is insulting to everyone.
I've finally convinced everyone not to get me Christmas presents, so it's now my favorite holiday. I love going to Boston and visiting my whole family and spending time with them. I even like the Yankee swap because it's a game. But back when they used to get me presents I would sometimes sneak away to go upstairs and cry. I just felt awful that people bought me things.
Even this most recent birthday, I was depressed. I never get depressed. I moped around the house and didn't do anything. At night I took a long walk around my neighborhood because that usually cheers me up. I couldn't wait to go to sleep and have a new day.
It's not that I don't want to get older either. I'm 25 now, which means that I get to rent cars at a reasonable price. I don't know how exciting that is or isn't to everyone else, but I'm very excited about the whole thing.
Anyway, that's enough of this rant. Hayden heard it all on the phone and suggested I write about it, which I thought was a good idea. The point is that if you know my birthday, then please act like you don't when it comes around. If you don't know, don't try to find out. If you want to buy me a present, go for it, but don't give me a birthday present. If you throw me a surprise party within two weeks of my birthday I will wrassle your livestock.
How do you convince people that you really 'REALLY' don't want presents for your Birthday & Christmas. This year when I got the usual question from my Mom "what do you want for your birthday" I answered "toilet paper, at least I will use it" & on my birthday I got toilet paper......& wet wipes, heat pads, cold packs, q tips, cough medicine, toothpaste, shower gel, shaving cream etc etc etc.......I reckon the whole 'present' was worth $100.
It is as if my parents feel that they must spend a certain amount of money to show they love me.
I despise brithdays so BAD. I also hate that people try to act all nice and that they care and whatnot.. Whenever i blow those candles with tears almost ready to drop from my eyelids, they only thing that passes through my mind is ''one more year, one step closer to death''. I bet it has to do with all this hateful emotions i have going on against my own psyche and the fact that i wish i was forever young.....weird really.
Guys, I hate birthdays too. Today is my birthday and I'm ignoring everyone. What makes it worse is when people or friends who never call you to hang out or to see how your doing call you to say happy birthday. It's such bullshit! The worse thing about this year is that my father went on a trip out of the country. Before he left he basically let me know that all the effort I've been putting into a business venture would be for nothing and that he believed I would fail. I was very upset and told him not to speak to me and since then I haven't spoken to him until last night when he called me to say guess what... "Happy Birthday! I'm proud of you!" Which to me is bullshit because he has told me explicitly that he is not proud of me in the past. I know for a fact he's calling because a) He feels obligated to do so... and b) He thinks that saying he's proud of me on my birthday will make up for all the times he's said otherwise. Disgusting! Don't get me wrong, I love my father very much, but I find it very sad that people will treat you differently on your birthday than the way they would treat you on any other day. You want to show someone your happy they are alive for another year? Let them know a handfull of the other 364 days of the year and it might actually mean something!
Good to see that I'm not the only one. Every year, when my birthday come i disappear for a couple of days, I've already told everyone that it would be nice if they don't make a big deal out of it but they do no matter what.... I think I'll never get the birthday fever...
I don't like my birthday either, probably cause I don't have friends that care, that has affected me the most. But I don't really like to stay home all day so I worked last year on my birthday, I would even want to work the whole day and come home sleep and go to the next day. I don't need anything from anyone, the only thing I'd like is just that they act like normal, not special out of nowhere cause it's my birthday.
I just don't want a birthday anymore, I want my birthday to be just another regular day.
Rather self entered approach to "gift giving" - special gifts on special days are no better nor worse that random gifts on random days - rather gifts are quite neutral! The people who give them are not, and their reasons are as varied as your arguments for hating your birthday. Who made you "king" to decide certain days are not worthy of gift giving, and even worse that gifts on birthdays must have been given obligatorily! This truly reflects who YOU ARE not who the gift giver is. It reflects YOUR inner false motives for being generous, kind, thoughtful, concerned.... the litany can go on. Look in the mirror next time such negative subversive ideas emanate from your thinking and you'll certainly see the reflection of yourself and your motivations in life, not of those around you..
heyy,,hieee,,read ur blog n u knw i couldn't agree more, dnt knw y d heck ppl mke bid deal out f birthdys,,evn i dnt like it,,ol dat "makin u feel special" nonsense as if dats d only day 1 z supposed 2 feel special,,wtf.
i feel rather embarrased n awkward kinda wen ppl wish me "happy b'day",,sayin ol dat thnku's smilin wdout a rzn,,god its soo fake. n moreovr ppl who like havn't seen u or talked 2 u in years will call u up n wish,,i mean y y y,,y dis sudden vibe f frnliness,,jst cz its b'day,,huhh!!
Birthday is in four days. Everyone knows that I don't like my birthday celebrated because Feb (to me) is like a death month. Two people I loved very much died in this month years ago. One on valentine's day and the other 3 days later. The memories and scars out-shadow the celebratory mood a birthday is supposed to bring.
But morons at work insist that they know what's right for me and keep wanting to give me stuff and wish me a happy birthday. I've told them why I don't like my birthday celebrated but it's like they don't listen. I've told them over and over to just treat it like any other day and leave me alone. It's like talking to a fucking wall. This year I'm 50. A "milestone" that should be celebrated otherwise, I'm not "normal". Having grown up in NYC, I don't really give a shit what people think about me or their warped views on being "normal". People should respect others viewpoints and not try to judge, change or force their opinions on someone else. There are reasons why people react in certain ways. Life experiences have molded them that way. If you really care for someone or are a real friend, then you're sensitive to the other person's needs and respect them. Just because you have happy birthday's doesn't mean everyone should follow your views or moods. Enjoy yours but respect mine and leave me the fuck alone.
So back in January, I wrote out my 7 goals for the year. It's been two months, so let's see how I'm doing :
1. Become FULLY polyphasic
I'm close on this one. Many days I go perfectly, sometimes if I have nothing to do I oversleep and then skip some naps during the day. I'm actually pretty satisfied with that, as I'm only sleeping 2.5-4.5 hours per night, I'm never tired, and can always count on being awake early and staying up late. I'll keep pressing to be more consistent, but I'm satisfied with where I am.
It's my birthday today.
I didn't really notice until yesterday that it was coming up on me. Today I slept in a little, discussed real estate in the morning, worked some, and am now in a cafe doing odds and ends with a coffee and some good bread and pastries (it's cheat day on my diet).
Tonight, I might have dinner with a friend or might not, and today is otherwise a normal day like tomorrow.
It seems like a lot of the time, I mention this to someone and they say "oh, that's so sad! why don't you have a celebration?"
And I never had a good answer to that. Now, I think I do.