(Old fashioned typesetting isn't the most efficient way to print, but...)
As we walked to Mel's Diner, her phone kept ringing. Not the typical I'm-in-LA-and-I'm-popular ringing, but more of a your-house-is-burning-and-I'm-trying-to-notify-you ringing.
"Do you need to get that?"
"Oh no," she replied, without taking the phone out of her purse, "it's just my ex-boyfriend."
Five minutes later, the phone was still ringing.
"How did you meet this guy?"
"I met him at a club. I didn't really like him very much, but he kept talking to me. When I would leave to go to the bathroom, he would find me again."
"And you gave him your number?"
"Well, I didn't want to. But he kept asking me over and over again, so I eventually figured if I gave him my number he might leave me alone."
"But he didn't?"
"No. He kept calling and asking me out. Finally I decided to just go out with him to make the calls stop."
"But they didn't?"
"No. The date wasn't very good, but he kept asking me out again. Eventually I became his girlfriend."
"And now you've broken up with him and he keeps calling you?"
Amazing. I never saw this girl again, and I'm sure she doesn't remember me, but I think about this interaction all the time.
It shows that stubbornness can be more effective than tact. Back when I went out all the time, I prided myself on having a lot of finesse. I could sense the mindset the girl was in and respond appropriately. If she was getting bored I'd suggest going somewhere else. If she didn't feel comfortable I'd back pedal a bit, slow down, and try to connect on a human level, instead of joking around. But if she didn't return my call, I wouldn't call back. Too proud.
A friend was asking my advice about a girl he was trying to see. She flaked a couple times and my advice was not to call her anymore.
"Yeah," he said, "I know that's the right move, but it sure feels like losing."
He's right. Brute force persistence may not work every time, but at least there's some chance of success. Not calling conveys all of the right things: I'm not desperate, I'm not too attached to this, and I'm not needy; but almost certainly won't result in ever seeing the girl again.
Seeing this annoyingly persistent guy succeed gave me the same feeling I get when I see scammy internet marketers making hundreds of thousands of dollars pushing worthless diet pills. It's not quite jealousy, and it's not quite inspiration. The best I can put it is that I realize that I'm not doing things the most effective way, and I begrudgingly accept it. It's the intersection of drive and personal standards, seeing the way to getting what you want, but being unwilling to do it.
This post could have been about the triumph of stubbornness, and its close cousin, persistence. If the guy from the story was retelling it, it would probably come out that way. But to me it's a reminder than winning isn't everything; how you play matters too.
Great post !
It makes me realize that each time I jeopardized my values, it turned bad ..whether I achieved my ends or not ;)
The point is to know when to persist and when to move on without going insane.
@Violin Thanks, I agree with you. I have two big projects I'm working on, so my focus hasn't been the blog. I do have one really good post coming up, but I need to make some video for it.
Usually love your blog, but your posts haven't been very inspiring, or inspired, lately. Just looks like you're restating what you've already said in old posts. Working on a new project that precludes you from having new stuff to write about? :P
Also, I liked it more when you were doing the "one post a day" thingie. These last posts look like they've had more thought behind them, but aren't really that much better because of it.
Hope the feedback helps!
Try combining persistence (when neccessary) and tact. Like if she flakes for a legit reason, wait 2-3 weeks and get back in touch.
everyone is taking her words way too seriously. she probably did like the guy initially, until she didn't, at which point she backward rationalized that she didn't ever really like him and only let him move things forward because he was so persistent.
this post was lame. an excuse not to face reality as it is because of some bullshit principles no one cares about. at the end of the day you either win or lose. if people are stupid enough to voluntarily give you money for shady weight loss pills (or whatever it is) then why wouldn't you take their money? it's not the job of a business to tell people what they should want, it's to give them what they do want as evidenced by what they're willing to spend their money on.
I was waiting for the, "then I had sex with him, just so he'd stop pestering me." part. He could have got there. Good stuff man.
I agree with you that this guy did not reach his personal goal with this girl. Although that "goal" may have changed over the course of their relationship. It may be sexual at first, but then it may have become one of self esteem and self desirability in other's eye. Either way, I appreciate persistence in a noble goal. Based on the story, however, I am afraid that this may not have been the case...
i loved this post, especially the ambivalence. Being overtly persistant is a way to get what you want, but that path can be quite ugly, effective but without tact.
This is a continuation of the story, How I Became a Famous Pickup Artist Part 1. If you haven't read that already, you should do so before reading this article.
Papa was notorious for being in contact with everyone in the pickup scene. I couldn't blame him, either - he was the business side of "Real Social Dynamics", a company that taught seminars and workshops to aspiring players. Not surprisingly, he was the only person at the seminar that I knew.
In order to extract every last precious second out of my experience, I had gotten on the earliest flight to Chicago that I could book. I called Papa when I arrived at the hotel at 10am. I could hardly make out his voice. He'd been out in the clubs until very late and was still sleeping.
So, it has been forever since I have last been on here, and honestly a lot has happened since then! Last time I wrote my life was pretty boring, lately it's gotten pretty interesting! That "Brayden" dude, remember him? The stupid one, that broke my heart, yada yada yada. Well he decided to be a really really big asshole dick, and say things to my best friend like "Why don't you go cut again." Yes, my best friend used to cut. Like oh my goodness he is stupid! Like you do not just say that to someone, especially if they used to cut! So, I texted him, knowing that I had to stick up for my best friend. And he decided to be stupid and say "You just keep finding ways to message me don't you? Obsessed as fuck" I wasn't messaging him because I'm obsessed with him, because to be honest I hate him for ruining my life like that, I hate him for making me hurt that much. So I explained to him, that any good friend would stick up for their friend, and I called him "messed" because he is. And he then said "How am I messed? I didn't even cheat on you" He kept bringing our old relationship into it, and it made me so angry. Then he tried to apologize kinda, like no you can't do that. He said he was only acting rude and full of himself because he wanted me to hate him, because he was so fucking sorry for what he did to me, and he didn't even know how to apologize for a fuck up like that. I told him it didn't help at all, so he said "you must have known I was sorry. Did you? You didn't deserve it, you did nothing wrong." Then, I explained that I never knew he was sorry, I thought he wanted to hurt me, and a million other things. So he said he was sorry, and it was his fault, and he didn't enjoy hurting me. I said "I know its your fault, and I now know that I deserve better, I deserve someone who loves me for exactly who i am, someone who isn't gonna hurt me, and looks at me like I am their whole world. So goodbye Brayden Alexander Cochrane, have a good life." He wasn't supposed to reply to that message, that was supposed to be my last word to him, but instead he replied and said "It's funny because that was me, I was that guy. I put you before everyone. You were my world but I was weak and let someone get between us. But guess what? That was the best thing I've ever done. Being weak at that moment in my life, was perfect because I met the perfect girl, and I love her more than I ever loved you." He knew, he knew that would hurt me, but I didn't let him see that. I know I don't love him anymore, but what he did, to think about it, still hurts me, a lot. Because he's that one guy that every girl has, that they will never fully get over, and always remember. Instead of showing him that hurt me I replied with this "Good, you're perfect for each other, you're both the same. If you two get married you can tell your kids how you met. That you started flirting and talking to her when you had a girlfriend. You were never that guy, because if you put me before everyone, then you never would have been talking to her, you would have been loyal, but no, you weren't. You do NOT get the last word, I do. And you know what those words are? Fuck you." Then I proceeded to block his number. So yeah that happened. Then, a few weeks later, I got married to this guy Josh on facebook as a joke thing, and we flirted. So I went to an MVD (Music Video Dance) with my best friend, and Josh was there. He asked me to dance on a slow song, so I said yes. Then at the end of the night he kissed me. Oh and he also came up and put a bracelet on my wrist, which I still have, cause I keep everything from exes. The next day, Ruby (My best friend) and I were at the mall, and Shannon was there. I will fill you in on who Shannon is. Shannon has been in my life for almost 2 years, we dated about a year and a half ago, and then a few times more after that. I love Shannon, I can't lose him,he is one of my best friends. I cry at the thought of it. For a year and a half he has been telling me he is in love with me, I love him, but for some reason I can't date him. I talk to him everyday, and everytime I get a boyfriend, it hurts him, but he refuses to leave. So we were hanging out with him at the mall, and he kissed me twice. That's two different guys in two days! I felt terrible! Ruby told me, that I needed to hang out with Josh more before could make a decision. But truth be told, I don't want to lose either of them, they are both my friends. So the weekend after that, I was at the mall again with Ruby, Morgan, Shannon, and some other friends. Josh and Shannon both like me. Josh told me he wasn't gonna come, and I felt relieved. Then I saw him walking with Ruby's boyfriend. Let's just say I literally got under the table, but he saw Ruby and made his way over to me, and took me out from under the table. Shannon threw his phone at the table when Josh came,.and walked away to the bathroom. I felt terrible, I knew Shannon felt hurt seeing Josh sitting beside me, and it didn't help that he kept side hugging me and kissing my cheek. I went outside with Shannon, to wait for his dad, and Shannon kissed me again, which made me even more confused. When Shannon left, i went back in, and Josh was saying he wanted to beat up Shannon, because he could tell by the way that Shannon looks at me, that he loves me. So basically my life right now, I don't exactly know what's happening or what to do.