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Manish - where I'm at

Been a while since my last post. I'm still on it. I had a falling out around Thanksgiving with 3-4 days of extreme oversleeping. Where I'm at right now:

I tend to oversleep daily. Just random times. Seems out of my control. Like I will sleepwalk, turn off my alarm, go back to sleep. Or randomly fall asleep at my computer, or find myself in my living room, very confused as to what's going on and what time it is.

I'm usually really exhausted and out of it at 6 am-10am, and then feel fine after 11am...almost like clockwork. But then I will oversleep at other random times when I actually feel okay, like 2pm.


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I've always been bad at dealing with reality. But I feel like I've finally gotten a foothold in it.

I'm slowly transitioning back from a hedonistic, short-term mindset to a realistic, balanced mindset. There's always tomorrow. I don't have to experience everything today. No longer do I believe that my life will actually end soon, as I had for a long, long time. I seriously thought that I was going to have to kill myself as the solution to my problems. Problems that kept deteriorating because I couldn't deal with them. Didn't have the slightest clue how to deal with them. Cause I couldn't deal with reality. Cause I have Asperger's Syndrome. Because, basically, I am an idiot savant. Maybe not as idiot, but also not as savant.

Anyways, the only solution to my problems was suicide. But that's not true anymore. I have hope. I don't have to have everything figured out right now. I don't have to account for all possible scenarios, all possible permutations, so that I make the empirically best choice. I'm going to rely on my whole brain to learn instead of taxing my frontal lobe until it explodes. I'm becoming more human, like I always wanted to be. I've definitely made a lot of progress, and I'm very happy for that. When I was a kid, I always felt like a shell of a person. Now I know why.

Now I can deal with life.

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