Ladies? Yeah! Ladies! Yeah? Wanna roll in my Mercedes? Hell yeah! Then shake it! Shake it! Shake that healthy butt.
Baby got back.
Ahem. Ladies.. this one's for you. Indirectly, it's for me. Today we're going to take a critical and mildly chauvinistic look at what makes a woman more attractive to a guy.
I'm going to assume, for argument's sake, that you're looking for an ideal guy. Some of you have issues and would prefer a trailer rat like K-fed or a submissive wimp because you're domineering. These tips will probably help you with that, but there's no guarantee.
Though I'm impressed with myself on a daily basis for remaining so humble and modest, I'm going to propose that I'm the ideal man, or as close as one can find in this crazy crazy world. Witty, charming, moderately tall, an ass that just doesn't quit, and all body parts intact. Yep. I'm the complete package. To move more into the objective realm, most girls like me and I've never been broken up with. So it's a start.
First, let's tackle looks.
"Looks don't matter. It's what's inside that counts. I have a weak grasp on reality," they whine.
Check it. Looks matter. They always will, until our collective social skills crumble to point where no one leaves the house and people date online exclusively. Honestly, I can't wait because then I can date AND play freecell simultaneously. Early experiments with that combination in present society have proven to be a failure, unfortunately.
First, hit the gym and start eating healthy. You think you're skinny enough and healthy enough? Probably not. I literally know one girl who is skinny enough (maybe too skinny) to the point that she shouldn't hit the gym and eat healthy (she already does). Maybe you're already ok, but losing 3-5 pounds and getting more toned would help. Forget what that chart says about what your "healthy weight" is. You don't want to be in the middle of that. Be on the low end.
Also, when you're at the gym, do cardio. Jog, run, step on some stairs. Despite what those freaky freaky body building magazines may tell you, muscly women are gross. (Ok, fine.. if you know what you're doing then you can do some weights to tone.)
When you eat healthy foods your skin looks much better, your hair is shiny and smooth, and you have energy. Bad skin, dull hair, and lethargy aren't on anyone's top ten list - I promise. Also, it's a clear indicator that you take care of yourself, and thus respect yourself. This is good.
Now, you might think you have to be a 10. You're right. Actually, I'm just kidding. We'd love for you to be a 10, but looks aren't the only factor. An 8 with a killer personality beats a 10 with a boring personality anyday. Well... not any day, but most days. Even a 7 is going to be good enough if you really have a great personality. Below that... keep working.
The good news is that basically any girl can become a 7 or an 8 with some work. Getting to the lower ranges of your ideal weight and eating healthy is a huge start. Posture is also huge - I literally followed a girl around the mall trying to catch up to talk to her because I spotted her excellent posture from across the mall. I'm often attracted to dancers and models because they tend to have great posture. A beautiful girl who slouches and walks awkwardly loses points.
Smile. This is another make it or break it point. A smile is infinitely more attractive than a frown or a blank stare. Everyone wants to be surrounded by happy people, so why not advertise how happy you are. You are happy, right?
If you're not happy, you are not attractive. People HATE whiners and people with negative attitudes. Everyone wants to be around people that make them feel good - it's basic, but I don't think women understand how important this is. That doesn't mean not to talk about bad things that happen to you. It means to be optimistic and don't let a bad driver ruin your day and dominate the conversation for the evening.
Confidence, when presented properly, is extremely attractive. I love a girl who is great and knows it. Note that this is different from man-hating girl power advocates. "If a MAN can do it, I can do it. Woman are the stronger sex," has never attracted anyone. Drop it. These days any guy that you are going to consider probably has a healthy respect for women. Move on. Also, we're all upset that you ladies are allowed to vote, so try to avoid sticky subjects like that. Same goes for driving, of course.
This is a personal pet peeve of mine. Don't try to "be one of the guys". If I hear you burp, I will probably not date you. You won't hear me burp either, so don't start complaining about a double standard. You're not proving anything by doing it, and if we wanted to date men, we'd be gay. Men are attracted to femininity, so be a girly girl.
Wow... when I started writing this article I thought it was going to be a lot shorter, but I keep thinking of more things.
One last bit of advice. Learn how to dress. We act like the only piece of clothing we're interested in is your bra, but that's not actually true. Well dressed girls stand out, look more confident and together, and are much sexier. I literally melt when I find out a girl is into fashion. That might be a personal preference with me... I'm not sure that most guys care that much, but it certainly won't hurt.
I really want to stress that all of these points are extremely important. I know that if I were to read an article like this for guys, I would assume that the first point mattered and that the rest were filler. I don't waste my time with filler, and was actually trying to cut some points out to make it shorter - but I couldn't because they're all important.
Now that you're a 8 or higher with a great personality, what do you do? Well, you e-mail me, of course. You didn't think I wrote all that for nothing, did you? Oh, and if you think you're hot enough, send me a picture. I'll be honest. Honest.
I have never posted before. But I can't even begin to describe what is wrong with this blog. I felt like throwing up at he vanity of the article. Yes even I agree it is practical in today's dating scene. But it still makes me sick to my stomach that this is what must be done to attract a mate. I though you were above such vanity, maybe this is why I am disappointed. But again, it is a truly but sadly a practical post for women.
Yeah, I wrote this eight years ago and definitely wouldn't write it the same way now. I think that the ideas are true, but the writing style is really obnoxious. It took me a while to find a good balance between being confident/humble and entertaining/authentic. Still working on it...
I actually think that it's a good thing that all of this is necessary, because it makes you into your best self. It's the same with guys-- we have to be in shape, funny, confident, successful, etc... but all of those are good things. It's probably healthier to be motivated to do all those things for yourself, but if dating pushes someone in the right direction, that's not so bad.
Ouch. A little discouraging to some of us that are down on the 3-4ish scale physically, but great post nonetheless. I love how straightforward this is, knowing how hard it is to find that these days.
I do agree that personality is one of the key factors of a person's appeal.
Yes, everybody likes to look at an attractive person. when it comes down to it chemistry and personality is everthing! It does go much deeper than looks. I have meet men I was physically attractive to but as soon as you date them and find their only concern in life is themselves and you find no compassion and some how they don't make you feel good inside your just left with a Nice Face and Chest. I have found myself attractive to average men because of their attentiveness, affection, and compassion.
Holy smokes - Tynan, firstly I think you are very brave to be so honest in this time of such exaggerated political correctness and I applaud you for it. Secondly I absolutely agree with everything you have said above. Us females constantly whinge and whine about "girl, I think my ass gettin big" and how all the good men want is hot chicks with smokin asses... um... well hello? do something about it other than just complaining. Go to the gym, eat right and have a little more pride in yourself. Open your eyes - that is all Tynan is trying to say here people.
Oh my Gosh you guys what the heck.
why are you all hatin' on Tynan :[
and in case you haven't noticed, if you DO decide to give him a negative comment, he'll be more than likely not to care, AT ALL.
I know I wouldn't
you people probably don't even know him.
and all you girls out there getting mad,
hes not trying to offend you
hes trying to help you get what you deserve!
and there IS a thing called sarcasm.
and btw I'd date him ;D
Good Advice, As usuall. And for the haters, dont take everything word for word, the message of this was basic; Look your best, Do Your Best, Feel your Best, Dont Settle For Second Best.Why? Everyone should want the best for themselfs, who wouldnt?. And not only that, someone that really cares(Tynan), wants the best for everyone else too.
Would it make more sence for this article to give you advice on how to be fat and lazy with no ambition? I think not.
Good people dont hide embarrasing truths or simply dont mention it, we say something to try and help.
Haters: People who don't tell you your fly is down in public because they are embarrassed to mention it.
Behold - the blindingly stupid rambling off a "vegan pickup artist".
The net has reached a new zenith of suckitude...
Go the extra mile and put some effort into yourself you weedy little self-obsessed misogynist.
Wow. "mildly chauvinistic" was a total understatement. ;)
Ahem. You know what myself and most women find MOST attractive? Humility, something you definitely lack.
Guys like you become turnoffs when you open your mouths, whether the lady be a 10 or 4 alike.
I find it hard to believe that any self-respecting lady would even consider someone like you worthwhile. It's be charity in any case; She's have to feel pretty bad for you. :P
One of the great things about being polyphasic is that my friends are on awful sleep schedules. Some of them stay up until 7am, others wake up at 7am, so at any given time there's a good chance that I have awake friends.
This morning at 7am Hayden calls and asks if I want to do yoga with him. Of course I do. This is the hot yoga, "Bikram", which literally translated means "the most severe torture known to man that somehow hotties can handle".
I hop in my car and head to his place. Hmm. The ride seems a little rough. Not to get too sidetracked, but I thought it would be really cool if I bought 19" rims instead of the stock 16" rims. It looks fantastic, but these stupid wheels have given me nothing but trouble. Literally every single one has gone flat, they have damaged my brakes, etc.
What started out as my exploration of an age-old question: whether total nerds have a chance at snagging highly desired women ripples into a topic that permeates into a thorough exploration of everything regarding the enigma we call 'love' and how it may not be as magical as we first deem it to be.
Reupdate: 3/14/13 Didn't really mean to update on Valentine's Day but there we go. I rescind my 51/49 soul/body split I mentioned in the 3/13 update after responding to Zach's post on Sebastian Marshall's blog http://sebastianmarshall.com/dont-underestimate-biochemistry. I now believe it is a dynamic split that changes based on situation.
Update: 3/13/13 In yet another update of this post's evolution the original question has been staked in the heart by Tynan's latest post Not that kind of person. I am now more convinced than ever that there are no 'pre-sets' in life and the only barriers we put up are the ones of our own making. Not everyone starts on even-footing and some have advantages over others but in the long run for most things we are self-defined. For the longest time I've tackled a deeper philosophical question - is the body a victim of biological processes or are biological processes controlled by the body? (ie can we use willpower alone to induce biological change) Are human personalities just a sum of biochemical reactions or is the human persona a product of the 'soul'? I now believe that we have a lot more power than we give ourselves credit for and even though our bodies and higher aspects (mind/soul) may often conflict with one another ultimately the higher aspects are in control.
Admittedly hormones and such play a big role in our day to day feel/function and have enough weight to throw us off course . Starting out I think we may be a 51/49 split of mind over matter but with self discipline and proper care of the human vessel in my experience that ratio only goes up to pass more control to the higher self.
Update: 9/6/12 Figure I'd clean this up and add in a shortcut to help anyone trapped in the loop of pining for women - most of what is considered "love" doesn't exist just sex. Read the end of this post for the explanation why. Otherwise original post below...