Ladies? Yeah! Ladies! Yeah? Wanna roll in my Mercedes? Hell yeah! Then shake it! Shake it! Shake that healthy butt.
Baby got back.
Ahem. Ladies.. this one's for you. Indirectly, it's for me. Today we're going to take a critical and mildly chauvinistic look at what makes a woman more attractive to a guy.
I'm going to assume, for argument's sake, that you're looking for an ideal guy. Some of you have issues and would prefer a trailer rat like K-fed or a submissive wimp because you're domineering. These tips will probably help you with that, but there's no guarantee.
Though I'm impressed with myself on a daily basis for remaining so humble and modest, I'm going to propose that I'm the ideal man, or as close as one can find in this crazy crazy world. Witty, charming, moderately tall, an ass that just doesn't quit, and all body parts intact. Yep. I'm the complete package. To move more into the objective realm, most girls like me and I've never been broken up with. So it's a start.
First, let's tackle looks.
"Looks don't matter. It's what's inside that counts. I have a weak grasp on reality," they whine.
Check it. Looks matter. They always will, until our collective social skills crumble to point where no one leaves the house and people date online exclusively. Honestly, I can't wait because then I can date AND play freecell simultaneously. Early experiments with that combination in present society have proven to be a failure, unfortunately.
First, hit the gym and start eating healthy. You think you're skinny enough and healthy enough? Probably not. I literally know one girl who is skinny enough (maybe too skinny) to the point that she shouldn't hit the gym and eat healthy (she already does). Maybe you're already ok, but losing 3-5 pounds and getting more toned would help. Forget what that chart says about what your "healthy weight" is. You don't want to be in the middle of that. Be on the low end.
Also, when you're at the gym, do cardio. Jog, run, step on some stairs. Despite what those freaky freaky body building magazines may tell you, muscly women are gross. (Ok, fine.. if you know what you're doing then you can do some weights to tone.)
When you eat healthy foods your skin looks much better, your hair is shiny and smooth, and you have energy. Bad skin, dull hair, and lethargy aren't on anyone's top ten list - I promise. Also, it's a clear indicator that you take care of yourself, and thus respect yourself. This is good.
Now, you might think you have to be a 10. You're right. Actually, I'm just kidding. We'd love for you to be a 10, but looks aren't the only factor. An 8 with a killer personality beats a 10 with a boring personality anyday. Well... not any day, but most days. Even a 7 is going to be good enough if you really have a great personality. Below that... keep working.
The good news is that basically any girl can become a 7 or an 8 with some work. Getting to the lower ranges of your ideal weight and eating healthy is a huge start. Posture is also huge - I literally followed a girl around the mall trying to catch up to talk to her because I spotted her excellent posture from across the mall. I'm often attracted to dancers and models because they tend to have great posture. A beautiful girl who slouches and walks awkwardly loses points.
Smile. This is another make it or break it point. A smile is infinitely more attractive than a frown or a blank stare. Everyone wants to be surrounded by happy people, so why not advertise how happy you are. You are happy, right?
If you're not happy, you are not attractive. People HATE whiners and people with negative attitudes. Everyone wants to be around people that make them feel good - it's basic, but I don't think women understand how important this is. That doesn't mean not to talk about bad things that happen to you. It means to be optimistic and don't let a bad driver ruin your day and dominate the conversation for the evening.
Confidence, when presented properly, is extremely attractive. I love a girl who is great and knows it. Note that this is different from man-hating girl power advocates. "If a MAN can do it, I can do it. Woman are the stronger sex," has never attracted anyone. Drop it. These days any guy that you are going to consider probably has a healthy respect for women. Move on. Also, we're all upset that you ladies are allowed to vote, so try to avoid sticky subjects like that. Same goes for driving, of course.
This is a personal pet peeve of mine. Don't try to "be one of the guys". If I hear you burp, I will probably not date you. You won't hear me burp either, so don't start complaining about a double standard. You're not proving anything by doing it, and if we wanted to date men, we'd be gay. Men are attracted to femininity, so be a girly girl.
Wow... when I started writing this article I thought it was going to be a lot shorter, but I keep thinking of more things.
One last bit of advice. Learn how to dress. We act like the only piece of clothing we're interested in is your bra, but that's not actually true. Well dressed girls stand out, look more confident and together, and are much sexier. I literally melt when I find out a girl is into fashion. That might be a personal preference with me... I'm not sure that most guys care that much, but it certainly won't hurt.
I really want to stress that all of these points are extremely important. I know that if I were to read an article like this for guys, I would assume that the first point mattered and that the rest were filler. I don't waste my time with filler, and was actually trying to cut some points out to make it shorter - but I couldn't because they're all important.
Now that you're a 8 or higher with a great personality, what do you do? Well, you e-mail me, of course. You didn't think I wrote all that for nothing, did you? Oh, and if you think you're hot enough, send me a picture. I'll be honest. Honest.