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Spent Time

It's early and the whole day is in front of me. How will I spend my time?

When I was in middle school, frozen yogurt was served during recess for fifty cents. Sometimes I had fifty cents, other times I had to borrow it, and other times I didn't get to have frozen yogurt. Back then, it seemed like a pretty big deal. But now, looking back, whether or not I had frozen yogurt had no impact on my life. I don't really remember how it tasted or any particular times that I ate it. If there's any impact, it's probably that I lost a few hours of expected life by eating it.

It's interesting how things that seem like good ideas, or even seem important, can turn out to be completely irrelevant. The anguish over young love, which seemed so strong and so important back then, yet now isn't much more than a blur. The hours spent in school learning things like biology, which have now been totally forgotten. The acquisition or denial of that amazing gadget that we just have to have for Christmas. I waged a yearlong campaign to get an Atari Lynx, and considered not geting one to be one of the toughest struggles I had gone through back then.

I don't bring all this up to say that what happens in childhood doesn't matter, though. Not at all. In that same era, I think about how I met my childhood best friend, Charlie, who taught me Chinese and took me to Taiwan with him. Even today, those experiences (along with many others) are with me. We were issued TI-85 calculators back then, too, which was the first device I ever programmed on. I learned a lot. My parents never really let me watch TV back, and that, amongst so many other good decisions they made, have shaped me in positive ways.

Resistance is futile

On Linus Rylander

When we have a rigid idea in our heads of what we are supposed to be like, or what the world is supposed to look like, we get seriously confused and conflicted when external reality doesn't match up to that idea.

That's why idealists (and most everybody else) are usually bitter and frustrated.

Last night, my mother was so upset over a situation at work, that she popped a blood vessel in her right eyeball. All that built up pressure has to release some way.

My mother is a very spiritual person, and in the heat of the moment, crying and feeling generally miserable, she kept reminding herself of what she was "supposed" to be like.

"Be present to the moment!"

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