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Carry the Weight

[Note: If you're in San Francisco or Austin, read the bolded part at the very bottom!]

For most of my life, at least until my late twenties, I was a slacker. I did almost nothing to help around the house, choosing to procrastinate on things assigned to me until someone else just did it themselves because that was easier than goading me into doing it. Even in friendships, I would rely on my good friends to come up with plans or invite me somewhere, and then I'd join. The only reason I got into college was because my best friend at the time, Phil, pushed me into filling out an application. I wouldn't have done it otherwise.

There were exceptions, of course, but in general I was probably a burden. I was a good friend and family member in other ways, but in terms of carrying the weight of those relationships, I wasn't putting in my fair share. It's embarrassing to say that, but it's true.

A couple years back, Todd wasn't as invested in Sett as I was. We had started it as a side project, but it seemed like there was enough potential that it was worth going full time. I wanted to do so, but Todd's priorities were elsewhere, so he worked a lot less than me. If Sett was going to continue, I would have to take full responsibility for it.

Friends Forever??

On The Wicked Boar

So today I was talking to my best guy friend who is technically my best friend you know, because guys are less dramatic and stuff, about a huge fight I had with my best girl friend from high school who I basically don't speak to anymore because things got very ugly, when I realised it really is very sad how in this time friendship means very little to so many out there. I mean think about it, we all have friends we hang out with sometimes or friends with common interests that we talk to some times, and this happens more in high school, but there are very few we actually trust enough to be ourselves or to tell our fears to, and that makes me very sad because in one year I lost, at first 2 of my closest friends and then peter that same year, I realised some weren't really my friends at all and some didn't care about our friendship enough to save it.

Back to the main idea, I was talking freely to him and I started an idea of the future but I didn't finish but since I've asked him before "do you think we'll be friends when we're forty" or "in 5 years", he immediately said "no I don't think we'll be friends" and I don't know if I'm the only one that feels like I do but it's heartbreaking to think I won't see the friends that really matter anymore you know?

It's like "a long shot" thinking about the future and the people that are going to be in it, but every time I imagine the future, he's there with me along with 2 or 3 other really close friends I truly love, and being realistic, he's the the person who is most honest with me, so it got me thinking and it probably is true.

Everyday I face more and more reality and it really scares me to think that in less tan 2 years I'm gonna be facing the world completely alone, and those fears lead to others and lusbfaiubiurejwoidajueifuq3i4uh oh my god I'm a mess, and to think I was having a good day.

I think I'll be writing more about this a lot.

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