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No Passion

I love failure. When it occurs, I'm pretty indifferent to it, but as a concept I love it. Failure lets you know that you're doing something wrong. It shines a light on a personality trait that needs to be fixed,one that probably would go unchanged if it weren't for failure.

People who fail and get angry are missing the point. Failure is opportunity. It's like getting angry that your car tells you you're low on gas. The indicator light isn't the problem,the level of fuel is. Further, hiding the failure doesn't solve the underlying problem. Disconnecting the indicator light won't fill up your gas tank, but filling up your gas tank will turn off the light.

During my tenure as a pickup artist, I never took failure personally. It never mattered to me. Each time I failed, I felt as though the girl had revealed a secret to me. No attractive girl is chaste her whole life, no girl is a bitch to every guy. If she didn't want me to call her, that meant that there was something unattractive about me that I had to change. Compliments and success stroke my ego, but honest critical feedback leaves me thinking for months.
I have failed financially so far. It's not that I'm poor, or anywhere close to it. I'm sure my income, net worth, or lifestyle are impressive or even enviable to a lot of people. I'm so immeasurably grateful for everything I have that I feel a tinge of guilt on a daily basis for not spending the entire day thanking everyone who has made my life so great. However, despite whatever success I have, I am not where I want to be. I will be a billionaire, I will own my own submarine and airplane, and I will spend the majority of my life traveling and seeking adventure. I'm not nearly as close as I should be to these goals, and I'm not exactly on the express train there.

They Call Me A Dreamer...

On Growing Up

Actually, they don't.

But there is a point to this I promise. Every now and then I come into these times of my life where I "take the limits off" and dream the impossible - or just the really difficult.

As a type A, INTJ personality I can't say that this time is always enjoyable. I question everything that I am a part of, pick up and drop a hobby or two, and re-plan my whole near future. Often times when I am like this I think of myself as a bit erratic and foolish. I like to have things planned out. I like to know where I am going. I like to know how I am going to cover rent, where I am moving post school, and what kind of work I am going to do. And when I dream...It all gets messed up.

But I have learned to embrace this time of life - at least this time around. I am in the baby stages of some new dreams but have uncovered a passion for programing work and front end development. In a little over two months I will be graduating from school with a music degree and for the first time in years, I feel like I am falling in love with it. I still love the french language and want to use that professionally some day and am still passionate about voice health/therapy and speech pathology. I am overwhelmed by my own passions and dreams sometimes....

And I love it. I love that I can't see the end of any of these things nor how they are going to pan out. For now, I'll keep dreaming - then planning - then dreaming - then planning.

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