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The Running Bets

I like to bet. For those of you who have read the story about how I was a professional gambler, this is obvious. What I don't like to do is exercise. At one point in my life, these two activities joined to provide an interesting story.

I have a friend named Hayden. He likes to bet me. For a while we had a running string of bets, and I was down overall because I failed to get 10x his score in a Tony Hawk competition. At one point I was one of the top 10 Tony Hawk players in the world. That lasted for about 5 minutes until someone from Japan beat my score.

Hayden and I sat across from my kitchen table.

Passive aggression and masculinity

On Alan's Journey

Over the recent years I've discovered that I've become something of an 'expert' on passive aggression. After having experienced it for most of my life, realised it, understood it, and overcome it, I have a unique perspective on what it is, how it affects your life, and how you can change it.

Everyone has passive aggressive traits in them, some more than others. However, when those traits become your predominant behaviour pattern, it becomes a 'personality disorder'. Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder (PAPD) is something I've had most of my life, and I certainly know the effects of it, but in the past few years I've been able to eliminate most of it.

All the books I've read about it say that healing PAPD is rare, if not impossible, because denying that you are responsible for breakups in relationships and social connections is one of the prominent traits. If you believe you're not responsible for the situations going on around you and in your life, then you also believe there's nothing you need to do for yourself. You're not the one with the problem, so there's nothing you need to heal. And so the behaviour and screwed up life continues.

When I realised I had PAPD and I read about how sufferers rarely heal because they don't believe they're responsible, I immediately saw all the times in my life when I blamed everyone else but myself for all the things that went wrong. And I knew that if I wanted to heal from this disorder, then I needed to start taking responsibility.

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