Edit 2: I wrote this about two weeks ago after coming to slow life from 10 days of insane social stimulation a.k.a hanging out with my best friends for 10 days straight doing nothing but drinking, partying and eating. I did some meditation, relaxed, hung out with some of my college buddies and thought about this for a bit. I've decided to put this issue on standby-kind of. In other words, I will talk to people, mess around, and go out whenever I can etc., but I won't make a big deal of it or think about it to much. When I wrote this post I was caring too much about this issue, to the point where it was distracting me from my larger goals as well as keeping me inside my head while socializing. I want to focus my time and energy on the goal I want to achieve such as learning languages, becoming part of a startup, learning marketing and business development, travelling, and becoming more informed about the world around me; and, subsequently meet people through those avenues. To this, I am getting involved in organizations, meetups and groups relevant to these goals and meeting people there.
(Edit 3 : I have realized this isn't truly what I want my dream world to be like , but rather the world I made myself believe others were living in that I thought I would like. Socializing requires time and patience and can be a form of infinite distraction ( I know people who would literally spend hours socializing via every possible avenue including facebook, skype, messaging and real life to the point that a whole summer would go by and nothing productive was achieved). I also I realize that I can't expect to click with everyone, and personally I rather be polarizing and connect with those who I am most likely to get along with and repel those who I am not likely to get along with. Overall, I rather just relax, get involved in my work/passions and seek people in those respective fields so that I can be infinitely more productive and knowledgeable. From there I can branch out and meet people from other walk's of life through six degrees of separation.
Currently I'm a 20 year old in college. I haven't gotten laid, or even kissed a girl sober. For the majority of my life I haven't cared. Like I truly, to my core, haven't given a flying fuck. Normally I just hang out with my friends, played some video games (I have since quit) watch movies, write on my blog, read books, and do stuff like learn German, Programming, or how to start a passive business as well as the occasional party here and there
Anyways: I turned 20 this year and it hit me insanely hard, First just how much time I was wasting video games, and how even 5 minutes reading a book is more productive than the 100+ hrs I've spent video gaming (which is why I quit) . But the thing that hit me most was two things 1. How little experience I have with women, and 2. How little new people I've actually met on campus. My best friends are still my friends from highschool, by a long shot. These are the guys I can make fun, push around, say stupid shit, and I know they will still love me no matter what. I haven't made that many friends of that kind here in college, albeit I have made a few.
So the first thing I asked myself was: Is this really important? I mean I had been going for a solid year already just minding my own business, doing my own thing. Not really making that many friends, and less girlfriends to boot. But at the same time I don't really care. I want a freedom business, I want to be able to travel on a whim. I know that when I travel being able to be like able will be incredibly important, and thus I know that socializing will be incredibly important in the long run.
As for women, some of my friends have even called me asexual due to my complete indifference the past 20 years. I just frankly didn't care much, the majority of girls seemed capricious, dumb, and misguided. Not only that, my standards are high (physically) so hitting on girls out at parties has been intimidating (edit: this is an excuse, I have since made it my goal to talk to every girl regardless of how attractive she is, in fact the more attractive the better). This year I've had a cute girl play back and forth text messaging with me, but other than her constant condescending flirting, I don't think she's into me ( I've given hints to hang out countless time, all have been rejected or deflected as I like to say) and know that thinking about one girl for too long can be a death sentence. (Edit: I messed up with this girl and I know why. 1. I wasn't sexual enough early on 2. I misjudged her . 3. I was way to clowny/crazy around her, which I realized actually came off kind of creepy 4. I texted her too much instead of just hanging out in real life . Next time I go for a girl who isn't a party person, I'll try to keep texting on the low side until a couple of meet-ups in real life. Real life interactions>all.)
I most likely plan to stay in college the next 2 years ( I'm on a full scholarship so its not a big issue to me, at least finance wise) unless I hit jackpot with one of my freedom businesses. Honestly, it is extremely easy for me to just not care about this, and sometimes I really just don't want to. I rather just hangout in my close social circle and dabble in my own things, but at the same time I know I should just go all out and get my social skills to a new level, especially while at college. Currently I have made a conscious effort to just be around more people. If i see someone walking alone to class I open up a conversation, I try talk to people on facebook so that they are reminded of me.
In my dream world I would obviously love to just have this shit handled, and have my life be exceptional socially.
So I guess my question to the community is: What do you think about socializing and women (or men)? how important would you rate getting this shit handled is and why? What were the main motivations you guys had to get this shit handled, and if you succeeded to some extent, how?
Edit: I think people have a misconception thinking I'm anti-social hermit mode. I have friends in college. I love my roommates, I love most of the guy friends I have. We go out to parties and the like. its mostly the women aspect of socializing and the finding people to whom I can completely express myself to that is hard.
As far as I was concerned, she was perfect. She was at least as smart as I was, was a dancer and had the body to prove it, and had a smile that could disarm the national guard. Let's call her Julie.
So, like an earthworm stalking it's prey, I put my usual game on her. Since my last flowchart was so popular, I've made another one to show you how I dealt with the ladies back then:
Nedless to say, things went slowly. We hung out nearly every day for the last couple months of our Senior year summer vacation. Like many guys, I was totally oblivious to her attraction for me. One morning Julie came over really early while I was still sleeping, and squeezed into my twin bed with me. I woke up, and assumed that she must be tired - it didn't even occur to me that she might like me. Finally on the last week of that vacation she said to me,
Since I have no reason what I'm actually gonna type here I decided to just go with this title. It sucks, I know.
Well okay I guess I'm just going to tell a little bit about myself.
- My name is Emma but you can call me Em or whatever you like. Be creative. I dare you.- I'm 19 years old- I'm studying International Media and Entertainment management but after this I want to do my masters in something related to screenwriting.- No I don't actually know what I'm going to do with my life- I'm more of a live in the moment kind of girl. I'll see what life brings to me. (doesn't mean I don't dream about my future though)- English is not my first language (apologies in advance for any annoying mistakes I'm probably going to make)- I love to write. - I'm slightly addicted to television shows and partying.- I'm currently in love with a girl and I have no idea what to do about that.
I get that you want to know more about me and this girl. Well.. let's just say I found out that I was bi last year when I suddenly had a crush on a friend of mine. Okay this totally sucked just so you know. I guess it's always been there I just never realized. Eventually we all got drunk and I told her and urgh it was pretty fucked up but we stayed friends. I think we're pretty good now, as far as possible of course.
Time went by, I kissed some guys (made some mistakes blabla you know it), and well... nothing really happened. I haven't told anyone beside a friend of mine who lives in England and well obviously that girl I had a crush on. My parents sort of know but the last time I tried to bring it up to my mom she got really mad and said it was just a phase. I don't want to make you think that she's a homophobic or something because she's not. She just doesn't really realize that I might be serious about this.