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Poker and Pickup: Thinking Levels

As I've been immersing myself in poker, I've been overwhelmed by the parallels with pickup, in theory, practice, and in my experience as a student.

I'm not sure if this is pure coincidence, my mind trying to find a pattern where there's not one, or a genuine underlying pattern that probably extends to other areas of learning.

Pickup is the only other thing I can think of that I learned rapidly and by immersion. I made it my world for a year or two. As a result, I remember the learning process, whereas something like web development I can't really remember because I've been learning gradually.


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By the way, this blog is mostly for me to get my thoughts down at this point. 

Anyways, I am infested by a demon. There's this guy inside of me who is not me, and he is an evil dude with a mind for potatoes. What? Stop it. You stop that right now. 

I have a physical physiological problem that I've been dealing with since I was 16. It's not normal, it's not standard, it's not been diagnosed. It can only be described. But that's not going to happen here. It's too personal. But it destroys me. It makes me want to kill myself. It makes me want to find a long, sharp blade and stab it directly into my heart. It makes me want to jump off buildings.

I've seen doctors but had nothing but problems with them, no solutions. It must be something between my stubborn stupidity (lately I've been calling it retardation because that's what I feel - retarded - and Asperger's is a learning disorder that does slow your learning), and the ineptitude of most doctors (Pareto principle - 80% of everything is crap). It also can't help that I communicate oddly (as you may have noticed) and I used to think I knew everything because I read Wikipedia and it had taught me some Truths.

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