When was the last time you saw that gorgeous girl walk by and didn’t say a word to her. Or when you had a great idea for an adventure that could improve your life, but decided against it because it was “too risky” (aka scary)?
What if you could make it so you never had to endure that again? Never had to ask yourself “what if?” before going back to a life that’s not as awesome as you know it could be.
What if you could have the courage to get what you really wanted?
But what courage anyways? When we read that word, we know that it’s what separates the successful, love finding, money making, life changing people from the folk that just look up to them in wonder. We know that those who want it can’t seem to get it and those that have it can’t seem to teach it.
But what is it?
Well, I may have come up with the answer for you. I know it’s the answer for me. An answer that, if you really absorb it and implement it in your life, will result in you having courage.
It won’t be easy (few things worth doing are), but it will be simple and in reach.
Ready? Okay, to show you what courage is, I’ll give you a great example of a situation where you need it. (And remember, this is just an example situation.This approach works in every situation where you need courage.):
Back to that gorgeous girl you saw walk by. Remember her? Yeah, and did you want her? Will you be thinking of her after she’s gone? Would you enjoy having her deep in your life, and having all of her?
The answer is yes. HELL yes.
So you know that the answer is yes, you do want her. And you know that the only way to stop her from walking right on past your life, and instead make her a part of your life, is to go and do something to make that happen.
And you know that, if you keep trying to bring these girls into your life, and keep learning and testing to see what works to attract them and what doesn’t, you’ll inevitably get better at it. Every failure will teach you more about what to do and not do, and will won’t really take anything from you (you didn’t have her in the first place, so it’s not like you lost her).
A man who goes and talks with that stunning beauty that he noticed passing by, that man has courage. Balls. Chutspa. Entroverted energy.
But, really, he just knows what he wants and he know the best way of getting it. He knows that he wants her in his life, he wants her in his bed, and the only way to make that so is to talk to her and learn what he can do to make it happen.
In Sebastian Marhsall’s sense of the word, he is a strategist. He knows what he wants and he does what he can to get it.
That courage is just him remembering what he wants most. He can approach her because he knows that doing so will get him closer to what he wants, no matter the outcome.
It’s that simple.
When you feel that fear, just remember what you want. You don’t want to watch as opportunity walks by, you want to seize that opportunity and make you life a bit more amazing.
You remember what you really want, and you’ll have the courage to make it happen.
Write that down. Put it where you will see it often. On a sticky note on your screen. Written on your arm. As your wallpaper.
Remember that definition of courage, and you will always have it. It won’t be easy, you’ll still have to battle your fear, but when you remember that just trying, you’re getting closer to having it in your life, your fear will dissipate and you will be able to do it.
Courage is remembering what you want.
If you love, hate, agree, disagree, or have anything to add to my philosophy here, let me know! I’d love to talk with you about it, and it encourages me to write more.
Nice post - I think you're onto something here. Courage and desire do seem to be strongly intertwined with each other as it is hard (if not impossible) to sprint into the darkness for a cause you have no desire for. Remembering what you want is invoking the power of desire itself - which in turn results in courage if the desire is really pure. I remember writing about courage myself on my blog years ago and this is what I came up with:
When you really desire something to the point in which your heart aches for it then you’ve unlocked the only true source of pure unadulterated courage. Think back to the times you wanted something really badly. Think about the obstacles you might have faced. Doesn’t it seem like when you’re really in love with something that obstacles almost seem to not exist at all? It’s like my mind can’t even perceive them as problems. When you feel the energy of love and passion fill your heart don’t you feel like an imperial age musketeer who’s all of a sudden fearless and ready to charge into the line of roaring gunfire? When something really means something to you a surge of strength unfathomable seems to take over and overcome the most heinous odds. Feeling the fear and saddling up anyway didn’t get me to where I am now in life – no – only true courage that came from the heart did. Everything in life I’ve ever accomplished has only made itself so because deep inside I really desired that outcome in my heart.
I always find it telling when different people seem to come to similar conclusions regarding a topic. If all of this is true then is a lack of courage simply a lack of desire? If so then when we tell people to work on their courage should they be working on finding the real reasons they desire things instead? Through self introspection I've found a lot of what I thought I wanted I did not actually want - thus never really took action.
Man, you made it so much more poetic than I did xD. Beautiful.
I think the problem with people not having courage comes from two separate sources.
1) They don't know what they really desire. In this case, a week or two of intense goal review and setting would be healthy (and tons of fun)
2) They lose sight of their long term desire in short term pains.
Getting shut down by a girl or a potential client hurts. When you remember that this will teach you and make you better at getting girls/clients, then having the courage to keep it up is no issue. But it's hard to remember that when you've just taken a hit.
Ever since I can remember, I have been a huge fan of Boy Meets World. With no concept of TV guide or schedules, it was a gift from the heavens above when I would turn on the TV and see the familiar cast. For roughly as long as I was a fan of the show, I had a crush on Topanga - known as Danielle Fishel in real life.
I'm hesitant to post detailed "reports" on meeting women here. Maybe because it's too personal, maybe because it's so easy to misinterpet as mechanical, but for whatever reason I don't love the idea. However, this is a funny story that probably won't offend anyone (except one guy who I don't mind offending.)
The 2004 Pickup Artist Convention, which I had organized, was held in Los Angeles, CA. Normally I'm rather lazy about going out and meeting people. I find it very frustrating to find women I'm genuinely interested in, and the allure of talking to women for practice is much less than it was when I first got into the Pickup Artist thing.
When I started writing, my obsession was courage. I had a company (InCourage) that existed to help individuals generate the courage necessary for organizations to be sustainable. I wrote essays about courage in an organizational context that were targeted principally for my clients. I amassed enough of them to assemble them into a book (Our CouerAge). Alas, after 15 years, InCourage died a natural death when it become quite evident that courage was not part of corporate DNA, and individuals within them felt stuck and chose to keep their head down and swallow hard.
That was then this is now. InCourage is being reborn in this blog and I will exploring the tension of "the pilgrim" - wanting nothing more than exploring his/her world: the unfamiliar landscapes; the history we need to learn; the tolerance that comes from learning cultures of other, and "the homebody" - who yearns for everything that represents familiar surroundings they have created, their valued relationships, their community. What is more important to you? It's a trick question.
Often our choices are looked at as either/or decisions – like: either take care of the economy or the environment; be creative but don’t make mistakes; and that tired old chestnut anyone working in a corporation knows all too well, do more with less. It was a profound shift in mindset for me to look at the “polarities” of life as a “both/and” opportunity rather than an “either/or” choice.
Hopefully, after reading a few posts you will find Home and Away is another polarity, and the answer of living a full life is not to lean into one at the expense of the other - but to lean into both.