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How I Became a Famous Pickup Artist : Part 3

This is part of an ongoing series. If you haven't read them already, read :

How I became a Famous Pickup Artist Part 1
How I became a Famous Pickup Artist Part 2

I wrote out this entire post before, and then the computer crashed and I lost it all, so I haven't felt like working on it. Finally, I'm biting the bullet and starting over :

Halloween: The Day of Too Much Effort

On jstJSH

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300"] English: A freh pumpkin ready for carving for Halloween or celebrating Thanksgiving. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)[/caption]

Happy Spooks-day everyone! That is as close to celebrating Halloween as I get. Every year I fail to grasp the popularity of this holiday. It baffles my brain on so many levels, and the worst part is that my friends consider me to be some form of social Scrooge for not wanting to partake in the ridiculousness of the festivities.

I love the episode of Modern Family where Claire freaks out because everyone is screwing up her haunted house idea, but when it comes to Halloween I am the anti-Claire.

Pumpkins. The only time of year I see pumpkins in the supermarket is Halloween. I do not like pumpkin, the taste or texture, and everyone I know seems to agree. I would love to know what person decided to show their hatred of the humble pumpkin by carving a scary face into it, placing a candle inside it and making an example of it by placing it on their front porch. Abandon hope, all pumpkins who enter here.

Dressing up. Just fuck off. I am not spending thirty or forty of your human pounds on a costume that a) I don't want, b) I don't look good in and c) I'm only going to wear once. People put such effort into looking good for one night, and it seems to be the only night of the year where dressing like a hooker is actually a good thing. Just adding 'sexy' to the start of your costume does not permit you to take your skirt up five inches and get your pumpkins out on show. Self-respect gets murdered on Halloween, like the cute blonde with vocal chords of steel in any 80's slasher movie.

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