“But I Love My Sleep!”

Alright, rocketeers… this post is on a subject that’s near and dear to my heart.

Whenever people hear about the polyphasic sleep schedule, they come up with reasons they couldn’t do it. I don’t know why… It’s really awesome and everyone should want to do it. By far the most common excuse is :

“But I love my sleep. I would never want to give it up.”

I’d say that 80% of people come up with som variation on this. Now, there are some valid reasons people shouldn’t do this. Like… if you were a race car driver who had to race nonstop for 8 hours at a time. If someone told me that, I would agree they shouldn’t do it. I’m sure there are other valid reasons too, but I can’t think of them right now.

But this one, the prince of polyphasic criticisms, is totally bogus. Here’s why :

First of all, I LOVE sleep. More than you. More than him. More than her. Even more than yo’ mammy. Let’s keep in mind that before going polyphasic I was averaging somewhere in the ballpark of 8-10 hours. My signature move was the wakeup / eat breakfast / go back to sleep combo. So don’t get all up in my grille acting like I don’t like sleep.

But the fact is that because I love sleep so much, I will never get off the polyphasic schedule. Why, praytell? Because it’s MUCH better sleep than peon sleep.

In peon sleep, the whole night is a blur. Sometimes you dream, sometimes you don’t. Polyphasic sleep delivers hard hitting dreams almost every time, coupled with the deepest sleep I’ve ever encountered. Are you a glutton for sleep? No problem – polyphasic sleep FEELS longer. In fact, each nap feels like 2-4 hours, depending on how deep you go. That’s 12-24 hours of virtual sleep per day. Order now!

Also… what do people really like about sleep? Is it that they enjoy being unconcious for 8 hours and missing out on the wonderful things the world has to offer them? No. The pleasant parts of sleep are the falling asleep and the dreams.

Well guess what, champs? I get to do that 6 times a day. I never have to go more than 3.5 hours without feeling the warm caress of the sleep fairy.

Now, there are a lot of other reasons that polyphasic sleeping (and, incidentally, those who practice it) is far superior to the alternative. I could go on and on, but this one point is one that really bugs me. And now… I’m off to enjoy my polyphasic day. And by that I mean slave over this keyboard to entertain people like you.